July 29, 2015

Sharknado 3

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Mother of GAWD, gang...It doesn't get much more awesome than this. (Despite what Jake might think.)

Ian Ziering (Finn), Tara Reid (April), and Cassie Scerbo (Nova) are back to kick some weather-based shark butt! And they brought along another ridiculous batch of cameos and co-stars, including (but by no means limited to) Bo Derek, Frankie Muniz, Mark McGrath, Robert Klein, Ann Coulter, Michelle Bachmann, Chris Jericho, and goddamn David freakin' Hasselhoff!

The Hoff contemplates the life choices that led him here.
Another batch of sharknados is hitting the east coast, and Finn finds himself in Washington, D.C., where he is being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for turning last year's storms into shark pudding. He barely has time to meet President Mark Cuban before the sharks start raining down into the White House. And when the Secret Service (including Agent Grant Imahara, formerly of Mythbusters) gets eaten, Finn Takes it upon himself to save the president by screaming a lot and shooting randomly in the air.

"Are you read to ROCK?!"
Somewhere else in the building, Finn's brother, Martin (McGrath) is surfing down the stairs on paintings of former presidents with Vice President Ann Coulter (if those three words don't give you the willies, nothing will), and kicking sharks in the face.

After saving the president, despite the White House being reduced to rubble, Finn makes his way to Orlando, where a pregnant April waits for him with her mother (Bo Derek), and his daughter Claudia (Ryan Newman) is hanging out at Universal Studios with her friend and being eye-humped by a couple of skeevy dudes.

Before he makes it to Orlando, Finn runs across his old friend, Nova, who now dresses like Casey Jones from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and her severely friendzoned partner Lucas (Muniz). They work for the National Weather Service, driving around in an armored Winnebago and shooting blue globs into the sharknados to make them dissipate. (And nobody seems to have any issues with this, despite the fact that it causes thousands of full-grown sharks to just fall from the sky, which can be damned inconvenient.)

"I'm sleepy. Tell me a story, Abraham Lincoln..."
Finn and Nova "borrow" a jet from the local Air Force base to try and destroy the sharknado by dropping the fuel tank into the center of the storm. But before they even get off the ground, the storm arrives, and Lucas has to sacrifice himself in the most awesome death scene ever committed to film, so they can fail miserably at their plan.

"I DIDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT WHEN I WAS MALCOLM!"
Faced with what could potentially become a "sharkicane" (a word that was actually used in this movie), Finn and Nova meet up with Gil (Hasselhoff), former astronaut and Finn's father, so they can borrow a space shuttle that NASA might just happen to have laying around. Unsurprisingly, they do, and immediately suit-up Finn and Gil to go up into space and enact their newer and more ridiculous plan. Oh, and April, who we will remind you is currently nine months pregnant, manages to get  into the shuttle, too.

After a comically insane series of events, including space sharks, the shuttle is destroyed, the storm is dissipated, the Hoff is on the moon, and Finn and April are re-entering the Earth's atmosphere in the carcass of a shark.

The landing goes off mostly without a hitch, and everyone survives. OR DO THEY?!

Everything about the ending is gross and gooey. Everything.
You'll have to tune in and listen to find out!

Jake is angered by the space suits. He feels that they are possibly not the best quality garment, especially for someone who plans on wearing it to space.

Larry feels sorry for at least one of the sharks because it didn't make it all the way through the loop when it landed on a roller coaster track. The others do their best to cheer him up, but it is only the balm that is the re-entry scene that works.

Derek thinks that this movie is absolutely perfect, second only to Roadhouse, in its execution, and he will fight anyone who dares to disagree.

There's also news in The Lobby, new movies Coming Soon, Larry's List, Hollywood Purgatory, and One Thing (in which we talk about some friends)!

So grab this podcast! And keep watching the skies! KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES!!!