Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

HI! I'M GARY BUSEY FOR UGLYCOUCHCAST DOT COM OR SOMETHING! I DUNNO WHAT THAT IS, BUT THE CHECK CLEARED SO HERE I AM!

DRINK IT IN, BABY!

SO ANYWAY, THIS FELLA COMES TO ME AND SAYS, "HEY, GARY BUSEY," CUZ THAT'S MY NAME, YA KNOW; I'M GARY BUSEY...HE SAYS, "HEY, GARY BUSEY, WILL YOU TELL THESE PEOPLE ABOUT SOME TWEAKS?" AND I'M LIKE, "TWEAKS? I KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT THAT!" AND HE SAYS, "NO, NO, NO, GARY BUSEY..." BECAUSE THAT'S ME -- GARY BUSEY. HE'S ALL LIKE, "NO, I SAID TWEETS," AND I DUNNO WHAT THE HELL THAT MEANS, BUT THE INVISIBLE ROBOTS WHO CONTROL MY BRAIN TOLD ME THAT THIS FELLA KNOWS, SO IT'S ALL GOOD, AND I SAY I'LL DO IT.

UH-OH...HANG ON...SOMETHIN'S HAPPENING...

Uh...Gary? Gary, you okay, buddy? Gary...?

Ooooookay...It looks like Gary has become indisposed at the moment, so I'll just take over from here.

It's been a pretty good week here, and on Twitter, where the crazy was in full force. Among other things, Miley Cyrus hosted the VMAs (which I avoided like the plague because MTV has not had anything to do with music or music videos in years, and even when they did, most of them were terrible), although I hear Kanye West announced he was running for president in 2020. And, for those who found that too high-minded and intellectual, Sarah Palin interviewed Donald Trump.

HEY, MAN! WHADDAYA THINK YOU'RE DOIN'?

Oh, hey, Gary. I was just telling people about what happened over on Twitter last we-

BACK OFF, FELLA. I GOT THIS. THIS AIN'T SHAKESPEARE WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT. OH...HOLD ON...IT'S HAPPENIN' AGAIN...

Yeah, you just relax, Gary. I got this. Gary...?

Huh.

Anyway, there were funny tweets galore over there, so let's take a look at some, shall we? In no particular order...

I would hate to be a sanitation worker in Pound Town.

— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) August 24, 2015

People ask me if I'm tired of being single. Damn right, I am. I have had it up to HERE with all the sexual variety and disposable income.

— Bridget Alexa Jones (@TheWoodenslurpy) August 23, 2015

every mumbler knows that the secrhmm to survihmm' is nommin' hmm to thrmm hmm-ay and nommin' hmm to hmmeep

— ess bee fritz (@RandomAntics) August 25, 2015

BOP IT TWIST IT PLEDGE YOUR ETERNAL ALLEGIANCE TO IT SACRIFICE VIRGINS TO IT OR YOUR SOUL WILL BE FORFEIT PULL IT SHOUT IT

— Captain Antagonist (@AnOrangeSNES) August 25, 2015

*Enlarges prostate to ward off predators*

— Piece (@Piecezilla) August 24, 2015

Just asked a lady friend to show me her boobs and she said "of course!" in case you men think peeing standing up is the best thing ever.

— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 27, 2015

I peed in the ocean this morning. Think about that next time you eat seafood.

— ❤Hello Stephanie❤ (@77StephanieG77) August 24, 2015

Watching Palin interview Trump feels like some weird alternate reality where the puppets from Genesis's Land of Confusion video won.

— Jason Latour (@jasonlatour) August 29, 2015

"Debra, ready for your extreme home makeover?" - YES I AM "Fellas, MOVE THAT BUS" *bus pulls away* "See? WAY better without that bus there"

— Eldge (@Sickayduh) June 26, 2014

my milkshake brings all the Borg to the yard, and they're like ASSIMILATE INTO THE COLLECTIVE - RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

— huntigula (@huntigula) April 8, 2015

And there you have it! Pretty cool, yes? So now, get out there and have a good week. And to start it off...

HEY, MAN! I GOT THIS! BACK OFF!

But-

I SAID BACK OFF. AND THE REST OF YOU: GO LOOK AT THIS HERE VIDEO, OR I'M GONNA EAT ALL YOUR HAIR!

Y'ALL GET OUT OF HERE NOW! I WANNA STARE AT A SQUIRREL! TELL 'EM GOODBYE, MAN!

Please don't leave...He's going to hurt me.

I NEVER TOLD YOU TO SAY THAT!

Gah! Quit poking me! Good-bye, everyone! And if you don't hear from me, it's because Gary Busey did something horrible to me!

NO I DIDN'T! GET OVER HERE!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco
AND GARY BUSEY, YA SUMBITCH!