November 25, 2015

Nightbreed

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(A Note from the Management: Hey, gang! The guys couldn't all get together and record this week, but they were able to get together and record separately! And, with a little bit of creative editing, everybody is on the show at the same time! Using old clips of Larry saying odd things -- mostly while playing Cards Against Humanity -- and reaction noises from Jake, we were able to make it sound almost exactly like a regular episode, but with maybe a little less direct interaction between Jake and Larry, and less laughing from Larry. Enjoy and have an awesome Thanksgiving!)

As the guys' last film before we start getting things fired up for Holiday Moviepalooza, Jake chose a movie from one of his favorite authors, Clive Barker. It's a little number called Nightbreed, and it features a lot of poor hair choices and the kind of acting that might make you wonder just what it was people were doing back in the late eighties/early nineties instead of, you know, going to acting school or something.

Cocaine. It was probably cocaine.
The story follows Aaron (Craig Sheffer), a man who is having dreams about a place called Midian, where he is chased by monsters. When he tells his therapist, Dr. Decker (played by director of better movies, David Cronenberg), about the dreams, Decker medicates Aaron heavily with what he claims is lithium, and Aaron steps in front of a big rig.

Unfortunately for the viewer, Aaron survives, and is whisked away to a hospital, where he meets another man who knows about Midian. While this sounds promising, if a little freaky, at first, the new guy uses thumb ring knives to cut most of the skin off his own face.  He has obviously never learned the proper etiquette for when one is trying to make a new friend. First, you are not supposed to cut off your face skin only moments after meeting a new friend. Obviously, this is the kind of trick you can only do once, so it should be saved for when you are meeting the person you believe will be your best friend for the rest of your life, and only after you have the friend have hung out a few times. And if you insist on doing it the first time you meet someone, be sure to extend your pinkies while you carve your face skin off. No need to be rude.

You disgust us.
Aaron seizes the moment to escape from the hospital and run out to the middle of nowhere (in Canada, no less, so you know there's fuck-all around there), where he believes Midian to be. And, of course, he is right. But it is not what it seems.,.

No, I don't know Jay Leno. Who is he? And why does everyone ask me that?
It's a big ol' cemetery where a bunch of the monsters and demon-ish things from Aaron's dreams also happen to live. And they are not especially happy to see him. Peloquin, a dreadlocked guy who looks like one of Jabba's skiff guards from Return of the Jedi, really doesn't care for Aaron existing (welcome to the club, dude) and bites him, turning our be-mulleted "hero" into one of their own.

That oughta learn him.

When Dr. Decker arrives at Midian with dozens of policemen, he convinces Aaron to come out in the open by telling the poor dope that he believes him, and then dives out of the way so the police can do what they tend to be doing so much of lately: Turning Aaron into swiss cheese.

David Cronenberg IS Dr. Decker AS Scarecrow BEING Bill Murray in...
So I Got That Going For Me!
Fortunately for Aaron, Peloquin's bite has also made his sort of invulnerable, we think. To be honest, the movie's a little vague on that point. But it at least revives him after he has been thoroughly ventilated, and he escapes from the morgue, returning to Midian.

Meanwhile, Aaron's girlfriend, Lori, wanders around the Canadian countryside looking for Aaron in the most roundabout way possible. She ends up at a bar with a woman named Sheryl Ann, who is just looking to find herself a man and get really drunk and have so much sex!

For her part, Lori spends a lot of time looking like a vaguely confused version
of the character Alice from the Dilbert comic strips.
Sheryl Ann gets extremely murdered and staked to a tree, while Lor moves on and finds Midian. After "saving" a gooey version of a hairless cat that turns out to be a little girl, she is led into the inner city where the monsters live. From this point, it's a pretty confusing and poorly-edited mess of gross, drippy things and people muttering dumb things to each other. There's also Canadian rednecks and guys who look like nazis.

It's...It's not good.

But the guys forage through it and come out the other end a little older, a little wiser, and a lot more bitter.

Larry could not recall a single thing about the movie, including, after reading up on it a bit while researching his information, whether he has actually ever seen it. Currently, he doesn't think so, and, as he wasn't able to be there when the other two watched it, he still hasn't. Lucky bastard.

Jake actually likes this movie. He is unable to adequately explain why, however, and he is mocked for it.

Derek is angered by this film. Specifically, he is angered by the make-up effects. Even more specifically, he is angered by one particular effect, and it just gnaws at him. So if he's a bit standoffish, please give him a pass...this time.

There's also a surprisingly early-in-the-show Hollywood Purgatory, news in The Lobby, some new flicks Coming Soon, Larry's List, and not one, but two editions of Derek's Inside My Head! There's even a little news about Holiday Moviepalooza!

So tune in and give it a listen, won't we?