It started out not-too-bad, but then, this past Friday, a bunch of assholes from ISIS made coordinated attacks in France, killing more than 100 people. Dicks. We here at Ugly Couchcast Industries send out our thoughts to those people and their families.
Okay...Now that we got that out of the way, can we start talking about funny stuff? Because sometimes that's what you just need to do to cope. You also need more pictures of people with "crazy eyes".
|"I was heavily influenced by Marty Feldman."|
|Tick tock, goddamn it! Let's get this thing moving!|
(1/2) Okay, CBS is running a standard-def informercial for an easy listening compilation. It's not even 9pm. pic.twitter.com/c6pzG9sW9f— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) November 15, 2015
(2/2) Any TV networks that'll be broadcasting a debate & worried it'll end early, call me. I'll throw something together. I'm repped by UTA.— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) November 15, 2015
Seriously, man...Be on our show...
|You can do karaoke with us!|
The KKK had their names published by the group anonymous, just in case you missed the hoods, Swastikas, and the Confederate bumper stickers.— Real Black (@NoThoughtsHere) November 11, 2015
Anyway...Tweets. You want 'em, and I just happen to have some freshly-picked ones I got from a guy in an alleyway, which is handy, because I hadn't pulled any this week. So it all works out! Neat-o, huh?
|I got nothing for this...I just really enjoy Terry Gilliam's Monty Python animations.|
So...In no particular order...
For a second I thought our sex tape had leaked online. Then I realized I was watching a video of two wolverines fighting over an elk carcass— tarl bludworth (@tarlbludworth) November 8, 2015
Nothing says home like slippers that allow me to experience what it'd be like to put my feet in Grover's asshole.— Jane (@jane_bot) November 7, 2015
I wouldn't put it past Dunkin' Donuts to sell a Thanksgiving-themed cruller filled with gravy. The saddest part? I'd buy it.— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) November 9, 2015
My 8 yr old just called a stapler a paper smasher. I now put him in charge of renaming everything...— Bogadafet (@nevels_kendyle) November 9, 2015
Strong enough to reanimate a recently deceased man, but PH balanced to reanimate a recently deceased woman. pic.twitter.com/Us1EwhhAUr— Molly Manglewood (@undeadmolly) November 13, 2015
[Me looking out at a swimming pool full of lasagna] That's all [Genie] Are u sure? U have 2 wishes left [Me] Im sure— Rad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) November 13, 2015
Why is my Pornography Box making this strange sound? Wife: That's your phone. Your dentist is calling you. *Astonished* I have a dentist?!— Dr. Mod (@doktormod) November 4, 2015
"And then the sex happens. You probably know more about it than I do, fill in the details yourself." - me writing a se*x scene— Patrick Brennan (@Pat_Bren) September 24, 2015
Auto DM's would be better if they said stuff like "Hi, I'm Brandi. I love chicken wings. I have a ton of cat pictures I can trade with you."— Scruffy (@dixonshuman) November 11, 2015
BEWARE OF ANTEATERS POOPING AS THEY FALL BACKWARDS OFF THE DIVING BOARD! pic.twitter.com/kDnSiix9zs— Doctor Happyknuckles (@drhappyknuckles) November 13, 2015
And there you have it! Now get out there, be safe, bundle up, and make sure you have a better week this week, will ya? And to help that along, here is a short video of a basset hound dressed as Sherlock Holmes running in slow motion. You're welcome.
All the best,
Derek and Bosco