What a week. And before I get started making with the funny, I wanted to address the passing of Supreme Court Chief Justice Antonin Scalia. He passed away this past weekend, and I wanted to convey my condolences to his family and friends. And while I didn't agree with his politics and have made fun of him several times before, I just wanted to say that I will not be making jokes at his expense today.
That said, I am going to make fun of some people who are still alive. First and foremost, while I sympathise with Justice Scalia's family, I have to admit that my first thought was for Justice Clarence Thomas. In this sad time, one can't help but wonder if he will ever speak again, as it seems that the bulk of his comments on cases the court has made have involved him just concurring with Scalia.
And then there are the politicians and pundits on the right who, upon hearing of Scalia's passing, demanded that nobody try to politicize this tragedy, and them, immediately after that, began to politicize this tragedy.
First, it was the announcement that congress should delay allowing a replacement to be named until after the election. This came from some of the current batch of loonies running for president. That was followed by Republican members of congress. Then the nutballs on Twitter and other sites started insisting that Scalia, a 79-year-old man with health issues, had been murdered. Puckered sphincter Matt Drudge and flaccid penis Alex Jones have straight up accused President Obama of murdering the man.
But enough of that. It's...
|Yeah, it is!|
But the real attention was on the commercials, as everybody knows. And it was pretty disturbing this year. br />
"Your life will be filled with brief moments of sudden horror. Might as well enjoy the spicy crunch of Doritos corn chips."— matt prindle (@GriefBison) February 8, 2016
Football is weird.
|This, however? Completely normal.|
Now, if only we could find definitive proof of Planet Nine, and maybe upgrade Pluto back to planet status, we'd be all good. Oh, and also real hoverboards. That'd be neat!
Meanwhile, I spent a bit of my time trying to make my own discoveries in the universe, and it was a mixed bag, to be honest.
A woman on the news just said, quote, "As a victim of homicide myself..."— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) February 8, 2016
Asked a woman with blue and purple hair if the carpet matched the drapes. She said yes.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) February 7, 2016
I am terrified, yet deeply aroused.
Sometimes I wonder how Einstein came up with e=mc2, but most of the time I think about how much bacon I can fit into my mouth at once.— Comedic Bust (@ComedicBust) February 9, 2016
Worried I'll be dead before sex robot technology advances to a believable level.— Ed (@eprizzle) February 10, 2016
I'd like to return these ear buds— Oblivia (@aveuaskew) February 11, 2016
"Certainly. What's the problem?"
Shitty sound quality pic.twitter.com/JlA5STgl25
Sometimes I think I'm fairly good-looking, and sometimes I wonder who hung a picture of a sad pig goblin man where the mirror was— Sam (@RealSamHarwood) June 20, 2015
CNN: Scientists confirm existence of gravitational waves— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) February 11, 2016
Fox News: So-called "scientists" misinterpret wind from angels' wings#LIGO
My birthstone is a frozen waffle.— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) February 11, 2016
Been eating healthy for the past week, just stepped on a scale and it's official, I have lost my will to live.— Devin Siebold (@DevinSiebold) February 12, 2016
Sorry, I can't make it to your "Valentine's Day Mixer for Singles". I have to explain the rules of Quidditch to my dog that night.— Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) February 5, 2013
BATMAN: as a man I can be destroyed, but as a symbol I--— Ethan Booker (@Ethan_Booker) May 14, 2015
ME: do you have to take the whole suit off to poop
BATMAN: how did you get in here
And there you have it! Now have a great week! And to help it along, here's a clip from Key and Peele that actually made my Dad laugh out loud:
And now, I'm outta here...
Derek and Bosco