|Oh, Japan...You wackadoodles...|
Before his appearance, Shkreli was smug and snotty about what he intended to do when he got there, telling a Twitter follower, "Oh there’s nothing id like more than to tear Congress a new one." (It has since been deleted.) However, during his appearance, he refused to say anything other than invoke the Fifth Amendment, like the whiney vagina in a shitty suit that he is.
But enough about that festering cornhole. There's politicians to make fun of!Martin Shkreli is the human equivalent of egg farts.— Sassafrantz (@Sassafrantz) February 5, 2016
|I don't run from explosions. Explosions run from me.|
You guys I caucused so hard last night I think there's something wrong with my cauc.— Bob Phillips (@BobTheSuit) February 2, 2016
Ted Cruz is what Slimer looked like before he died— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) February 2, 2016
Bernie Sanders showed up to Iowa and said the word "caucus" a bunch and then everyone voted for him because it tickled their ears.— Stephen Avitabile (@SteveInevitable) February 3, 2016
On the Democratic side, Hillary won by an extremely small amount (less than one percent) over Bernie Sanders, and neither threatened to sue the other over it, although a number of folks want to have a look at the raw voter data to make sure nothing sketchy was going on, because the person who was in charge of the data used to stump for Hillary back in the last election. But Bernie's not complaining. So there's that.
|Trump's reaction to the Iowa results were...not good.|
Mother of God...And this guy still thinks he has a chance...
DOCTOR: We have your test results, Jeb. It's either Ebola or gonorrhea.— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 4, 2016
JEB (to self): ...please clap...
But then he brought his mom along after that, and everyone is terrified of Barbara Bush, so they all behave the way Jeb! wants them to.
|Artist's rendering of Barbara Bush being not happy with people.|
First, there were problems with the introductions.
Then there was Marco Rubio's hard drive skipping a groove and causing a reboot, which made him repeat the exact same memorized speech chunk four times.
It got to be so much that Chris Christie called him out on it! Needless to say, Rubio is now under pressure to explain why he just kept saying the same thing over and over, and even his friends have voiced concern about whether his brain is actually made of organic material, rather than silicon.
|No comment. NO COMMENT!|
waterfalls are permanent terrain features— Seamus O'flaugherty (@seamussaid) September 21, 2015
there's literally no reason to chase them
jeb bush looks like a turtle who's trying to remember where he left his shell pic.twitter.com/T2RH7ZVLyA— sadvil (@crylenol) February 7, 2016
I was picking around iTunes and saw an ad for The Essential Loverboy. Now I'm questioning the very existence of the word "essential."— Bob Phillips (@BobTheSuit) January 26, 2016
you can get free 'cremated remains' stickers from the post office i already put 6 of them on my car— meatshirt (@prettysadmostly) February 1, 2016
you gotta hand it to morrissey, building a career off capturing what it sounds like when you try to sing before you're fully over a cold— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) January 22, 2016
When you're trying to impress him and you feel a turtlehead approaching pic.twitter.com/kmrQShbzgz— Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) January 31, 2015
I JUST PAID $18 FOR A FULL TANK OF GAS AND HAD AN ORGASM— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) February 3, 2016
I bet the guy who named the pussy willow had tons of money and girlfriends and leather jackets— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) February 3, 2016
I THINK I JUST INVENTED A NEW SWEAR.— Dull & Wicked (@dullandwicked) February 2, 2016
I just (affectionately) called someone 'TOSSFACE' & I HAVE NEVER SAID THAT BEFORE & NOW TODAY IS GREAT
And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome week! And to start it off, here's another Mr. Show clip that I think is hilarious:
All the best,
Derek and Bosco