February 8, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Well, gang, it's been another weird-ass week. So let's get right to it, shall we? And we'll throw in some animations of people (and not people) running from explosions! F'rinstance:

Oh, Japan...You wackadoodles...
And so, there was a lot of strange stuff going on in the world of politics this week, and I'm very excited to get to those, but before that, let's talk about puckered sphincter Martin Shkreli, who was called before a congressional committee to explain how he ripped off the last company he worked for.

Before his appearance, Shkreli was smug and snotty about what he intended to do when he got there, telling a Twitter follower, "Oh there’s nothing id like more than to tear Congress a new one." (It has since been deleted.) However, during his appearance, he refused to say anything other than invoke the Fifth Amendment, like the whiney vagina in a shitty suit that he is.

But enough about that festering cornhole. There's politicians to make fun of!

I don't run from explosions. Explosions run from me.
Earlier this week was the Iowa Caucus, which was supposed to give us an idea of how the current batch of folks campaigning for president are doing at this point. Donald Trump, convinced he will be given the biggest and best win in the whole world ever and so why doesn't everybody just give up, was somewhat disappointed to come in second on the Republican side. Ted "The Canadian Hispanic" Cruz finished first, and so The Donald has demanded a recount and wants someone to sue...I dunno...Iowa? The guy's a nutjob. Let's leave it at that.

On the Democratic side, Hillary won by an extremely small amount (less than one percent) over Bernie Sanders, and neither threatened to sue the other over it, although a number of folks want to have a look at the raw voter data to make sure nothing sketchy was going on, because the person who was in charge of the data used to stump for Hillary back in the last election. But Bernie's not complaining. So there's that.

Trump's reaction to the Iowa results were...not good.
In the middle of the week, Jeb! Bush gave a speech that didn't go nearly as well as he expected and, unfortunately for him, the saddest part was caught on video:

Mother of God...And this guy still thinks he has a chance...

But then he brought his mom along after that, and everyone is terrified of Barbara Bush, so they all behave the way Jeb! wants them to.

Artist's rendering of Barbara Bush being not happy with people.
And finally, there was another GOP Debate this week, and it turned out to be the most entertaining of them all! Largely because there were so many screw-ups throughout the whole thing that it was starting to look like a Saturday Night Live sketch.

First, there were problems with the introductions.

Then there was Marco Rubio's hard drive skipping a groove and causing a reboot, which made him repeat the exact same memorized speech chunk four times.

It got to be so much that Chris Christie called him out on it! Needless to say, Rubio is now under pressure to explain why he just kept saying the same thing over and over, and even his friends have voiced concern about whether his brain is actually made of organic material, rather than silicon.

No comment. NO COMMENT!
Anyway, let's go look at some tweets from the incredibly funny people of Twitter. In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome week! And to start it off, here's another Mr. Show clip that I think is hilarious:

All the best,
Derek and Bosco