Sometimes a movie comes along that is so poorly made...so badly acted...so mind-bendingly stupid that you have to sit back, drink yourself into oblivion, and seriously question the life choices that led you to sitting and watching it.
1995's straight-to-video Werewolf, featuring Joe Estevez, is just such a movie. And the guys sat down to watch it.
|I'M HERE TO YELL MY LINES AT EVERYBODY!|
The leader of the dig, an upsettingly muscly and vaguely Hispanic scientist(?) with continually changing hair named Yuri (Jorge Rivero). He visits Tommy in the hospital to draw some of his blood, on the orders of his boss, Noel (Richard Lynch), and takes it back to the museum, where the skeleton has been moved.
|Can we make this quick? I'm due in a Twilight movie later this afternoon...|
|Have you accepted Duck Dynasty as your personal lord and savior?|
|This is her expression for most of the movie. We believe this means she's thinking.|
Between bouts of making Peter his bitch by beating him with the skull of the skeleton, Yuri goes around turning people into werewolves by injecting them with Tommy's blood, as well as trying to make Natalie love him by wearing shirts even tighter than hers.
|Fun Fact: Natalie and Yuri have the same cup size!|
|BACON BACON BACON! Oh, the wolfmanity!|
|Like Peter, she suffers the heartbreak of ear mites.|
Derek is very upset by Yuri's hair, which changes every scene. Sometimes it changes in the same scene. It's possible that Yuri's hair is a symbiote that is sapping Yuri of his energy, which would explain why such a muscly guy also looks saggy.
Larry is angered that nobody in this movie can say the word "werewolf", which one might think would be sort of compulsory, being as it's the title of the goddamn film. But no. Instead, they filled out the cast with thick-tongued idiots who can't say a simple two-syllable word.
Jake took this movie's existence on the same plane of the universe as him as a personal affront. This is completely reasonable, and nobody blames him for his blind rage. Hopefully, he'll feel better by the time they sit down to watch next week's movie.
There's also a few interesting stories in The Lobby, another batch of "Best Of" lists in Larry's List, Jake-ing Off about the Toys 'R' Us Mogwai Miracle, and some reminiscing about TV shows from the 70s and 80s Inside My Head!
So get your translator and give this week's show a listen!