Anyway, last Sunday was Valentine's Day, and everybody spent money on candy and flowers and dinners and all sorts of other crap to try and impress the one they love/care for/tolerate long enough to get naked with, and it was all gross and smoochy, as usual.
Of course, not everybody had this opinion.
Don't forget to pick up some flowers for your fleshlight.— Trophy Knife (@sarah1mc) February 14, 2016
But really, you can't please everybody.
If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.— BIG BERTHA (@canadian_jane) February 13, 2012
EXCEPT WITH EXPLODING FOOD!
|A McDonald's cheeseburger detonates too early.|
|This looks strangely mechanical, and it concerns me...|
On mornings like this I'm reminded that hypochondriacs should not eat beets.— caleodis (@caleodis) February 14, 2016
Ever been receiving oral sex from a meth addict with no teeth and wonder if your father is taking his blood pressure medication everyday?— ShittyShittyGangBang (@ShittyComedian) February 13, 2016
It may be the whiskey talking but hello I'm a spoooooky magical talking glass of whiskey.— John Moe (@johnmoe) March 15, 2010
If the body of Christ was bread, and the blood of Christ was wine...then Jesus was basically ALL empty calories.— BetterRedThanDead (@kirisuto1738) February 16, 2016
Surgeon General's Warning pic.twitter.com/FjJUXPA7RQ— Matthew Inman (@Oatmeal) February 16, 2016
"Your lifeguard résumé is just a pic of David Hasselhoff"— Rolo XG ツ (@TheRolo) March 30, 2015
I feel it says all u need to know about me
"He's drunk with a cheeseburger"
Beatles: Everything's fine— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) February 17, 2016
Stones: Everything's fine and we fuck a lot
Kinks: Everything used to be fine, now it's awful
Led Zeppelin: Orcs
Things were different in the 80s one time I was kidnapped for a week and no one looked for me. I came home & my room was converted to a gym.— Mable Gertrude (@MableGertrude) January 9, 2016
Looks like Jaden Smith opened a shoe store. pic.twitter.com/LojEXuZ4US— You had one job (@DudeUHadOneJob) February 18, 2016
And there you have it! Pretty awesome, if you ask me. And, as you've come to my page to read them, I think we can all assume that you are asking me.
|It'd be a shame if you didn't agree and somethin' happened to your Hot Pocket...|
Now get out there and have an awesome rest of the week. And to help it along, here's a music video I did a few years back for my band at the time, Gypsy Moth. I animated the whole thing myself. Enjoy!
All the best,
Derek and Bosco