Once in a generation...a movie comes along that changes the landscape of cinema and completely rewrites the rules of its genre...
This is not one of those movies.
This week, the guys sat down to watch the Sylvester Stallone/Kurt Russell buddy cop epic, Tango & Cash. Or, as we here at Here Be Spoilers like to think of it...
|Not even close.|
Ray Tango is smart, well-off, and a damn good cop. When we meet him, he is in the process of shooting a truck to stop Gerardo and HBS patron saint Robert Z'dar from delivering a milk truck full of cocaine to...Um...Well, it's not really clear. Although Jack Palance may have something to do with it.
|Jay Leno's and Bruce Campbell's chins cower in awe of the mighty Z'dar.|
Both of these incidents are connected because due to downsizing in the 80s, Los Angeles had to concentrate its entire bad guy population into an old guy with only one lung: Frenchman Yves Perret, played by Jack Palance as a not-at-all French guy who wheezes a lot and concocts ridiculous schemes to rid his organization of the dead albatrosses known as Tango and Cash from around its neck.
|Fun Fact: The rats were not a part of the script. Palance requested them|
left around the set so he could snack between takes.
|They believe this shouldn't happen because they're smarter than that.|
But no. No they are not.
With the help of Cash's old captain, they escape and take refuge in Tango's house, where his sister Kiki (Terri Hatcher, looking very Alyssa Milano-y) is staying while she dances on the Strip. But not the totally naked kind. More like the Jennifer-Beals-in-Flashdance kind.
|With posters...not pictures...of herself on her own bedroom wall.|
When they hunt down the mush-mouthed cockney Requin (again, Brion James...Let that sink in...) to get some information out of him, they choose less...standard methods.
|The only way to confront Brion James.|
Derek refuses to believe these two idiots can even tie their own shoes, let alone be such highly-decorated police officers. And the fact that they have to point out over and over how smart they are shows just how much they are not.
Jake is still not sure what he was thinking when he chose this movie for the guys. He does, however, offer a compelling view into what he believes to be Sylvester Stallone's method for shooting emotional scenes.
Larry is fascinated by Robert Z'dar's chin. Also, what was with the Chinese guy who smoked a lot and did little else? These are the kinds of things that keep Larry awake at night. Also, WHY, KURT RUSSELL? WHYYYYYYYYY?
|Because I want...to be alone...|
So load your guns, strap on some smarm, and listen to this week's episode!