But I feel better today, and I've brought a pile of tweets to cram all up in your face! But before we go there, let's talk about how I spent last week, shall we?
I then spent the rest of my day contemplating the important questions about the holiday...
Easter: Because if you believe a giant rabbit wants to give you chocolate and hides eggs for you, Zombie Jesus is easy!— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) March 27, 2016
And a good time was had by all.
|This has nothing to do with anything. I just want to say that|
I would play this game until my thumbs fell off.
The Subway at the mall one of those cool new Christopher Walk-Ins. pic.twitter.com/0cHEyZ1eg0— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) April 2, 2016
Not to mention, I also made some suggestions in ways to improve the world.
I think it's time Disney rebooted "That Darn Cat" as a gritty thriller.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) April 4, 2016
Duane "The Rock" Johnson IS..."That Goddamn Cat"...
Now let's go look at the Twitter machine and see what it has to show, shall we?
|Oh, wow...I think I typed the wrong address...|
GANGSTER: he's a snitch!— cool-head bros (@thetits) March 29, 2016
SNITCH: I ain't!
HARRY POTTER: *flys through window and grabs him*
*Gryffindor fans go nuts*
[holds flashlight up to face]— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) March 28, 2016
...and we didn't have smartphones or bicycle helmets and gluten was EVERYWHERE
[3 kids faint, 2 vomit]
I am a man. We are a relatively simple primate. Easy to please.— DJ (@youngkrazz) March 28, 2016
Oh look...a shiny object
The guy sitting in the table next to me with a suit the color of shit looks like he masturbates while reading the bible.— María (@mbruin95) March 30, 2016
A photon on the streets, but all the wavelengths of the visible light spectrum in the sheets.— ⚡LUCYBOT (@aurallyaudible) January 24, 2016
"Shit, someone else just walked into the washroom and now I have to pretend to wash my hands"— Wolfmann (@wolfmannjr) March 29, 2016
*McDonald's kitchen staff
*takes babysitter home*— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) November 23, 2014
How you doin back there?
Good. Can you pedal for awhile? I'm pretty fucking drunk.
Stop tweeting rap lyrics and go take your fiber, grandma.— Rachel Noise (@Rachelnoise) March 23, 2016
Shout out to Amish people for never starting shit on social media.— Funkhouser (@AJslackie) March 23, 2016
And there you have it! Now go have an awesome rest of the week, will ya? And stay safe out there!
|You have just kicked the shit out of dysentery!|
All the best,
Derek and Bosco