Sorry the list is late this week, but I had to wait a day. If it makes you feel better about it, just assume that it was because of the long holiday weekend. A weekend which, I might point out, I had to work through. All of it. Bleah.
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| SNAP OUT OF IT! |
As a white person, I'm weary of most traditions, because you just know that they stem from something horrible we did historically.
— Adult Male (@PlainTravis) November 20, 2016
Anyway, I'm not going to talk about all the horribleness going on out there today. If you need to know, go check it out for yourself. I want to laugh. And that's why I go to Twitter. Oh, I could go to Facebook, but it's a lot more uptight there. Twitter is a bit more...freeform. Yes, there are a lot of nasty people there, but you can block them. And then you follow the people that make you giggle. Got that? Here; this ought to explain the difference a little better:
Facebook Status: Happy Turkey Day, y'all!
— JC Tarp (@jctwritesstuff) November 23, 2016
Twitter Status: Don't choke when you're deep-throating that turkey leg! It isn't a dick, Karen.
And so, when I want to cut loose and be the filthy-mouthed degenerate I've always been, I go to Twitter. Nobody judges your sense of humor, and your family doesn't know you're there so they can't judge you as harshly as if you talked like that on Facebook.
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| Their shock would be similar to this reaction to Robin upper-deckering the Hall of Justice toilet. |
Husband went grocery shopping at 7am so I'll be expecting our AARP cards in the mail any day now.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 20, 2016
I got robbed last night and they cleared out pretty much everything. They even took my girlfriend.
— Cunda (@Cunda22) October 17, 2016
*jumps on stage and snatches up mic and screams*
— мєχιиσивℓσи∂є (@mexinonblonde) October 9, 2016
LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR, LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!
*gets escorted out of church*
I don't know any podcasts, on my phone I mostly just listen to Where's Waldo audiobooks.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) November 23, 2016
Superheroes don't wear watches because to them it's always justice o'clock
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) November 23, 2016
— 👁 Eye Barely Even (@May_ackeyLay) November 21, 2016
Murder Hack: you can leave all the butt prints you want at the scene of a crime because they never dust for those
— Alexa (@TheWoodenslurpy) March 30, 2016
you can get free 'cremated remains' stickers from the post office i already put 6 of them on my car
— meatshirt (@prettysadmostly) February 1, 2016
Exchanged my guru for a sonic architect & now I'm directionless spiritually, sitting in a house made of reverb I doubt will survive winter.
— Agatha Crispie (@agathagotstoned) November 24, 2016
My uncle said you can't get pregnant if you are related
— Traci (@debon7) November 20, 2016
And there you have it! Now have a good week, and enjoy the rest of those Thanksgiving leftovers. Also, enjoy this clip from MST3K that seems appropriate for this time of year, especially now...
Good luck with your Christmas shopping, ya lousy bums!
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| I'll be over here dancing... |
Derek and Bosco
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