Welcome to the first episode of Holiday Moviepalooza 2016! Until Christmas, the guys are going to watch and talk about holiday movies! And to start it off, Larry picked Disney's 1961 remake of the holiday classic, Babes in Toyland, starring Ray Bolger, Tommy Sands, Annette Funicello, Ed Wynn, Tommy Kirk, Henry Calvin, Gene Sheldon, Mary McCarty, and Ann Jillian in her first role.
Mary Contrary (Funicello) and Tom Piper (Tommy Sands) are in love. Not just the "holding hands, frantic groping under the bleachers, end up pregnant after the prop" kind of love, but the super saccharine, diabetes-causing kind of love that makes friends uncomfortable when they go out together in public and leads to resentment and bitter divorce later in life. And all seems to be going well, despite Mary having to care for a gaggle of kids (including Ann Jillian as Bo Peep) that do not, as best as the guys can tell, actually belong to her.
|Look at 'em, all over each other like heathens...|
Barnaby needs Tom out of the way in order to get Mary to himself, so he hires two bumbling nincompoops, Gonzorgo (Calvin) and Roderigo (Sheldon), to make that happen. He wants them to kidnap Tom and throw him into the sea. The first half of the plan is executed with very few problems. However, Gonzorgo gets greedy and diverts their journey to the sea so he and Roderigo can sell Tom to the gypsies in the forest, thus being paid twice for one job.
|They have this weird, 50 Shades thing going on...|
|Curses! Cock-blocked again!|
Mary and Tom, finding a note from the kids, go off into the forest to find them, and when they do, the trees pretend to not be all murdery, and Tom decides they can camp there for the night. When the sun comes up the next morning, the trees scream and demand that the entire group turn itself over to the Toymaker (Wynn) in Toyland. And it only took two-thirds of the film to get there!
|Trees can, as has been noted before, be real dicks sometimes.|
Mary, Tom, and the kids offer their services as toy builders to help the Toymaker get things done, but Barnaby and his two thugs show up and cause what would best be described as a "kerfluffle" after they get their hands on Grumio's latest invention, a shrinking gun designed to make full-sized things toy-sized. How that's supposed to save time is never explained. Go figure.
|Be careful with the chemicals in the meth lab, Ed!|
Larry is terribly, terribly sorry to anyone who watched this movie thinking it wouldn't be all that bad. He suggests, however, that you imagine a gritty and dark horror remake as you watch, and maybe throw together a script. Who knows? It might get picked up. He also inexplicably lashes out at Carly Simon for some reason.
Derek puts Disney on notice for their horrible live-action musicals. Oh, sure, Bedknobs and Broomsticks and Mary Poppins might be okay, but they are the exception to the rule. He also questions the life choices Tommy Kirk has made in his career. But that Annette Funicello...she's cool. Ed Wynn, too.
Jake believes Disney has a continuing obsession with sex, pointing out that the sign in the scene where Gonzorgo and Roderigo decide to sell Tom to the gypsies says "This way to the sea" actually kinda looks like it says "This way to the sex". He also hates the goose that Mother Goose (McCarty) carries around everywhere. No goose should have a knuckle inits neck.
So suspend your disbelief, take a bunch of drugs, and listen to this week's podcast!