July 3, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hi, everybody!

It's been another weird-ass week, but the weather is nice, so I'm not going to let it bother. In fact, I'm so committed to enjoying the weather, I'm not wasting time trying to find new GIFs. Instead, I'm going to recycle ones I've used already, and I will do everything in my power to make sure they are in no way relevant to whatever it is I'm talking about, yet I will attempt to make them relevant! That is how I roll.

Okay, almost not relevant.
Anyway, Angry Orange has spent most of the past week arguing with Morning Joe hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski. It started when, after cheerleading for him during his campaign, the two of them started questioning his ability to do his job and complaining about all the time he spends picking fights with people on Twitter (the link is an ongoing list of his Twitter insults compiled by the New York Times), he accused them of begging him to let them into his New Years Eve party at Mar-A-Lago. (Why this matters is something for future scholars to study when writing history books about his removal from office due to mental instability.)

In response, Angry Orange said they had come to Mar-a-lago around New Years Eve and begged to be admitted to his party. He claimed that Mika, who had recently had a facelift, was "bleeding badly" (he's got this weird obsession with women bleeding), and claims they were turned away.

Scarborough responded by saying that Angry Orange had been so impressed with the facelift that he asked "ten times" for the name of the doctor who had done it.

Mika, on the other hand, responded in a much more subtle, but snarkier, way that I could really appreciate.

And now it has turned into a whole thing that, quite frankly, is ridiculous and sad all at the same time. We have reached a point where the President of the United States has started tweeting old wrestling videos of himself to show how much he hates the media. (I refuse to link to it; if you want to see it, go find it yourself.)

No longer a comedy.
Think about that.

We are all Charlie Brown right now.
The media, for its part, has finally grown a pair and is starting to fight back against this idiot and his mouth-breathing minions. Sean Spicer's female doppelganger, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, tried to blame the media for the fighting, saying they were focusing too much on Angry Orange's tweets and not his accomplishments.

While pointing out the fact that he has accomplished almost nothing would have been the easy route (and let's be honest; it would be way easy because he has done nothing), some of the reporters are now stepping up and pointing out that they aren't the ones who started this, and they're getting pretty sick of having the blame laid at their feet.

Over the past few weeks, press briefings have been completely off-camera, and one network even went so far as to hire a court sketch artist to draw the briefings. And the whole time, the White House press monkeys have continued to bitch about how the mean ol' media is reporting, you know, the truth. The label "Fake News" has been thrown around like confetti for anything that Angry Orange doesn't agree with, and threats against journalists have increased.

I don't blame the media for being pissed at all, although I feel I can point a bit of a finger at them for giving that narcissistic asshat so much free attention while he was running. They played into his hand. Now they want to bite off its fingers.

These press conferences are getting rougher every day.
Meanwhile, in Congress, Senate Majority Leader and Senior Citizen Ninja Turtle Mitch McConnell completely failed to push the even-shittier-than-the-House-bill Senate TrumpCare bill through last week, but ended up having to pull it because he was unable to garner enough support from his own party.

Let's face facts, Timmy the Turtle: When even your own party is saying, "Uh...Maybe that's just a bit too garbage-y," you need to reassess.

Congress responds to criticism from U.S. citizens.
As for myself, I continued to share way too much about myself. This appears to have had an effect on my follower count, but, to be honest, it was bound to happen. If I could unfollow myself, I would.

Stay tuned, because at some point, I will slip up and reveal that it was me who broke the window in Mr. Rood's workshop when I was seven.

Ah, shit.

Lookin' for a "bad boy", ladies?
And then there were the amazingly funny folks on Twitter. They, as always, helped me maintain my tenuous (at best) grasp on my sanity by bringing the funny in droves. So, as a service to all of you who are also barely keeping from losing it, I offer a small sampling of those hilarious folks. If you dig them, follow them.

In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now get out there and have a great week. For my friends here in the U.S., have a great Independence Day. For my friends in the UK, all I have to say is, "Fuckin' Colonials...", and to my Canadian friends, I hope you had a great Canada Day, and thanks for the fireworks display this past weekend. To the Russian bots that keep coming here, "Пойдите, ебайте себя." To everyone else, thanks for coming by!

To get your week going in the right direction, here's a special episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars from The Thrilling Adventure Hour that involved randomly chosen cast members playing parts they didn't rehearse for.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco