It's been another weird-ass week, but the weather is nice, so I'm not going to let it bother. In fact, I'm so committed to enjoying the weather, I'm not wasting time trying to find new GIFs. Instead, I'm going to recycle ones I've used already, and I will do everything in my power to make sure they are in no way relevant to whatever it is I'm talking about, yet I will attempt to make them relevant! That is how I roll.
|Okay, almost not relevant.|
In response, Angry Orange said they had come to Mar-a-lago around New Years Eve and begged to be admitted to his party. He claimed that Mika, who had recently had a facelift, was "bleeding badly" (he's got this weird obsession with women bleeding), and claims they were turned away.
Scarborough responded by saying that Angry Orange had been so impressed with the facelift that he asked "ten times" for the name of the doctor who had done it.
Mika, on the other hand, responded in a much more subtle, but snarkier, way that I could really appreciate.
And now it has turned into a whole thing that, quite frankly, is ridiculous and sad all at the same time. We have reached a point where the President of the United States has started tweeting old wrestling videos of himself to show how much he hates the media. (I refuse to link to it; if you want to see it, go find it yourself.)
|No longer a comedy.|
|We are all Charlie Brown right now.|
While pointing out the fact that he has accomplished almost nothing would have been the easy route (and let's be honest; it would be way easy because he has done nothing), some of the reporters are now stepping up and pointing out that they aren't the ones who started this, and they're getting pretty sick of having the blame laid at their feet.
Over the past few weeks, press briefings have been completely off-camera, and one network even went so far as to hire a court sketch artist to draw the briefings. And the whole time, the White House press monkeys have continued to bitch about how the mean ol' media is reporting, you know, the truth. The label "Fake News" has been thrown around like confetti for anything that Angry Orange doesn't agree with, and threats against journalists have increased.
I don't blame the media for being pissed at all, although I feel I can point a bit of a finger at them for giving that narcissistic asshat so much free attention while he was running. They played into his hand. Now they want to bite off its fingers.
|These press conferences are getting rougher every day.|
They found a picture of a Young Mitch Mcconnell... pic.twitter.com/yblU5LlwEY— ★Jump★TheRework★ (@JumpTheRework) June 28, 2017
Let's face facts, Timmy the Turtle: When even your own party is saying, "Uh...Maybe that's just a bit too garbage-y," you need to reassess.
|Congress responds to criticism from U.S. citizens.|
Still dress like high school. #My5WordWardrobe— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) June 27, 2017
Because of hockey and poutine. #WhyILoveCanada— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) June 28, 2017
Because I misinterpreted "Jamocha Shake" and was arrested for public indecency. #WhyImBannedFromArbys— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) June 29, 2017
Stay tuned, because at some point, I will slip up and reveal that it was me who broke the window in Mr. Rood's workshop when I was seven.
|Lookin' for a "bad boy", ladies?|
In no particular order...
As far as superhero origin stories go, I bet this one is a doozie...!!! pic.twitter.com/rSqbaOsmzI— Mothra P.I. (@Hardywolf359) June 19, 2017
Keep me in your prayers as I have recently been diagnosed with hoobastank— 'Dro 🐰 (@Clowndro) June 24, 2017
Not sure which house I belong to at Hogwarts. Which one lets you smoke in the parking lot and cool with butt stuff?— Mike Stanley (@LoneWolfStanley) June 26, 2017
First day at my first adult job today.— Zachary Wycuff (@Wach_Zycuff) June 26, 2017
I'm hoping they don't notice I've just been three toddlers stacked in a trench coat this whole time.
Last night's dream: On my phone Siri was replaced with David Lynch. He answered every question by telling me about his favorite pine cone.— Joseph Scrimshaw (@JosephScrimshaw) June 27, 2017
Can't wait for this 1950's reboot. pic.twitter.com/1CUZwEthOW— Sardonicus (@RealSardonicus) July 1, 2017
[walks up to dead jellyfish on the beach] “GRIMACE, IS THAT YOU??” [looks around, pours some McDonalds hotcake syrup on it] “GRIMACE NOOOO!"— Qrabby (@underfleeker) June 13, 2017
"Just give up on romance and screech like a hawk until one of your male friends puts a baby in you." -my 30s social life plan.— Angie Davis ❤️peen (@Adar79Angie) June 27, 2017
I just got my bi-yearly Hulkamania vaccine.— Chris Downing (@chrisdowning) June 28, 2017
Guys if anyone asks, we found him like this, OK. pic.twitter.com/DnLN19jtZI— Land of cuteness (@landpsychology) July 1, 2017
And there you have it! Now get out there and have a great week. For my friends here in the U.S., have a great Independence Day. For my friends in the UK, all I have to say is, "Fuckin' Colonials...", and to my Canadian friends, I hope you had a great Canada Day, and thanks for the fireworks display this past weekend. To the Russian bots that keep coming here, "Пойдите, ебайте себя." To everyone else, thanks for coming by!
To get your week going in the right direction, here's a special episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars from The Thrilling Adventure Hour that involved randomly chosen cast members playing parts they didn't rehearse for.
Derek and Bosco