Holiday Moviepalooza: Emmet Otter's Jug-band Christmas

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Once again, the guys have managed to meet up for another edition of Holiday Moviepalooza. Apologies for the sporadic posting, but you know how it is...Holiday season, shopping, family gatherings. It all makes it a challenge for them to get together on a regular basis. But they do what they can!

FINALLY...Derek and Jake got to sit down and watch a program that Derek has wanted to do for quite a while -- Emmet Otter's Jug-band Christmas.

What a year 1977 was! Star Wars and its infamous Holiday Special were about to cause the first cracks in its burgeoning fandom, a peanut farmer from Georgia was finishing up his first year in the White House, and then, the guy who helped create Sesame Street was hired by HBO to turn a children's holiday book into a television special.

Jim Henson and his Muppet performers managed to create what is really a technological marvel with some fun fur, a few electronics, some creative builders, great songs by Paul Williams and a lot of enthusiasm for the source material.

Which, of course, is Moby Dick.

Emmet Otter (Jerry Nelson) is a young boy otter who lives in Frogtown Hollow with his mother, Ma Otter (Frank Oz/voice by Marilyn Sokol). They're poor, but happy. Emmet brings a little money in by using his late father's tools to do repairs for his neighbors. Ma Otter does her part by doing laundry and some sewing. Both of them love to sing. All in all, things are pretty good for them, even if there isn't much money.

There is one thing that is weighing heavily on both of their minds: Christmas is coming, and neither of them can afford to buy the other a Christmas gift. While strolling through town, they come across a music store where Emmet sees a guitar in the window that he really wants. At the same time, he notes that Ma used to have a piano, but they ended up selling it, so he wishes he could get the money to buy her a new one. Their window shopping is interrupted by a gang of thugs from Riverbottom: Chuck (Oz), Weasel (Nelson), Catfish (Dave Goelz), Lizard (Richard Hunt) and Snake (Jim Henson). The group invades the music store and start making rock and roll noises, frightening everybody away.

They're like a cross between Deep Purple and Yes and Chuck E. Cheese.

On the way back home, Emmet runs across his friend Wendell (Goelz), who tells him that one of their neighbors will pay them to repair her fence. Wendell offers Emmet half to bring his father's tools and help him. They end up practically having to rebuild the fence. For fifty cents. Well, half of fifty cents.

On the way back home, Wendell and Emmet meet up with two of their friends, Harvey Beaver (Henson) and Charlie Muskrat (Hunt), who tell them about a talent contest that pays the winner fifty dollars. They want Wendell and Emmet to start a jug-band with them so they can win. The only problem is that Emmet would have to put a hole in Ma's washtub to make a washtub bass. He is hesitant, but he eventually agrees, reasoning that winning would allow him to put a down payment on a piano for Ma.

For the last time, Wendell, we are not playing "Freebird"!

At the same time, one of Ma's friends, Hetty Muskrat (Eren Ozker) is telling Ma Otter about the contest, suggesting Ma could sing and win. She is also hesitant because she would need a new dress, which would require her to sell Pa's tools, making it impossible for Emmet to to handiwork around town. In the end, however, she decides to do it so she can buy the guitar for him.

And so...Both Emmet and his mother have decided to risk complete and total impoverishment in an attempt to purchase Christmas presents for each other. If they fail, they will have destroyed their livelihoods. But really, what are the odds of that happening?

With top-of-the-line talent like this, anything is possible.

As the day of the contest draws closer, Emmet and the guys get together to rehearse a song called "Barbecue". It's catchy, and they sound great singing it. But that isn't enough for Emmet, who runs rehearsals with an iron fist, demanding they play it over and over again until the others are begging to be released from this hellish nightmare. Fortunately, Emmet's reign of terror is interrupted by the Riverbottom guys showing up on snowmobiles and making fun of them.

Finally, the day of the contest arrives. But who will win? Will Emmet and his band take home the money, or will Ma? What about those rabbits? Also, what's the deal with those jerks from Riverbottom? Also, why does Kermit the Frog (Henson) dress like Ron Burgundy?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Jake liked it, although he thinks it's a little corny. He's especially impressed with the technical aspects of the whole thing. There are some really impressive sets and lighting, not to mention the puppets themselves!

Derek has loved this since he saw it when it first aired. Despite that love, he's willing to admit that large swaths of the story don't make. Why would anyone risk the source of what little money they bring in on just a possibility?

So sell your tools and put a hole in the washtub, and check out this week's episode!

Holiday Moviepalooza: Gremlins

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(A Note from Derek: Jake couldn't make it to the recording last week, so I invited a couple of friends to pick a holiday movie and watch it with me. They chose Gremlins, which is basically It's a Wonderful Life, but with murder monsters. So...Enjoy this very special episode of Here Be Spoilers: Holiday Moviepalooza featuring myself and my special guests, Brooke Cooper and Mike Kelly, who, by the way, recently got married! Congratulations, you guys! -- Derek)

It's Holiday Moviepalooza time, you guys! And you know what that means: It's time to eat too much, argue over whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie, and make questionable gift purchases at the last minute because you forgot somebody on your list! It is also time to watch some goddamn holiday movie, and that's just what happened in El Casa de Derek, where he was joined by two friends he had not seen in quite a while! And the three of them sat down to watch 1984's Gremlins.

Gremlins stars Zack Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Hoyt Axton, Polly Holliday, Corey Feldman, Judge Reinhold, Francis Lee McCain, Jackie Joseph, Glynn Turman and the always awesome Here Be Spoilers favorite Dick Miller.

Hoyt Axton is Rand Peltzer, an inventor who is wandering around Chinatown (possibly in New York), looking for just the right Christmas gift for his son, Billy (Galligan), a grown adult who lives in his parents' attic, hanging out with a young boy named Pete (Feldman) and dreaming of being a comic book artist.

The real monsters in this movie.

A different young boy (John Louie) leads Rand into a dark corridor below the street and, much to the surprise of anyone who has ever run across small children trying to do this in real life, does not mug him and take his wallet. Instead, the boy leads Rand to a curio shop run by the boy's grandfather (Keye Luke). But rather than buy anything, Rand starts pitching one of his semi-functional inventions, the Bathroom Buddy. The old man is not impressed, and Rand is distracted by a noise he hears, which he seeks out, only to find a small cage with...something in it. Having determined that this creature is exactly what he was looking for, despite having never seen one before, Rand offers the old man hundreds of dollars, only to be refused. Disheartened, Rand leaves the shop, only to be chased down by the kid, who tells him the old man is crazy, and if he wants the creature, the boy will sell it to him in a back alley, once again suggesting that it was all an elaborate setup for the kid to kill Rand with a shiv and steal whatever valuable he has on him. When the transaction is made, the kid tells Rand the rules of taking care of the creature: Keep it out of bright light, which can hurt it, and sunlight, which can kill it; do not get it wet; and never feed it after midnight. That third rule can cause all kinds of problems even in the safest environment (what about time zones?), but it is never addressed.

Meanwhile, back in the tiny town of Kingston Falls, Billy is trying to start his car so he can go to work. It won't go, so he and his dog walk to work at the local bank. Billy sneaks his dog in and ties him under the teller window he works at. Kate (Cates), Billy's cute-as-a-button coworker who dresses like an extra from Little House on the Prairie, straightens Billy's tie and makes sure he is ready for the day to start, which quickly involves a visit from Mrs. Deagle (Holliday), who wants to put Billy's dog down because she believe's it knocked over her imported Italian snowman and broke it. The dog, defending its good name, attacks Mrs. Deagle and causes what can only be described as "a kerfuffle."

Awwwww...*Swoon!*

Later that night, Rand comes home and gives Billy his gift, which is a Mogwai--sort of a fuzzy Yoda, but younger. Almost immediately after being told the rules, Billy and his family start breaking them, beginning with hurting the Mogwai, now named Gizmo, with a camera flash. The next day, Pete (Feldman) comes by to deliver the Peltzers' Christmas tree and, nearly instantly upon seeing Gizmo, spills water on it, causing five new Mogwai to pop out of its back and grow. But these ones are different. They're mean, and the especially do not care for Gizmo.

The next day, Billy takes one of the new Mogwai to Mr. Hansen (Turman), his old biology teacher, to figure out what these Mogwai are all about. After demonstrating the reproduction by water, Billy leaves the newesst one with Hansen and goes home to be assaulted by his father's inventions. That night, Billy is awakened by the five new Mogwai making noise because they are hungry. After briefly consulting his alarm clock to see that it's not midnight yet, he gives them some cold chicken, which is disgusting to watch them eat. Gizmo, who seems to know better than everyone else in this family, refuses to eat. The next morning, Billy wakes up to find five really gooey pods stuck to his floor. Back at the school, the same thing happens when Mr. Hansen leaves a sandwich too close to the Mowai's cage.

Gah! Kill it with fire!

That afternoon, the pods open up and reveal the transformed Mogwai, which are now green, leathery and  total asshats. They attack Gizmo and throw him down a laundry chute, and then go looking for Billy's mom (McCain). Fortunately, Mrs. Peltzer is as much of a badass as her son isn't, and she quickly dispatches three is the grossest fashion possible. One more attacks her from a hiding space in the Christmas tree, but Billy arrives home just in time to cut its head off with a decorative sword. But before they can catch the last one, which is called Stripe because it retained a shock of white fur when it changed, it jumps out the window and takes off into the city with Billy in pursuit.

Billy tracks Stripe to the local YMCA, where it jumps into the big swimming pool, almost assuredly bringing about the destruction of this tiny, quiet town of Kingston Falls by popping out hundreds of new gremlins. Billy, quite wisely, decides he needs to get the hell out of there and regroup.

You people just don't appreciate these two enough, ya know that?

Across town, Mr. and Mrs. Futterman (Miller and Jones) are attacked by some gremlins that have hijacked Mr. Futterman's tractor, driving it through their house and almost killing them. Everywhere else, things are starting to go haywire. Mrs. Deagle is thrown out a window by her stair chair. A traffic light turns green from all for directions, causing a crash. A mailbox attacks a poor guy just trying to mail out some last minute Christmas cards. And in the local tavern, Dorry's, where Kate volunteers to help the owner save money, a bunch of gremlins have arrived to drink, play cards, and re-enact cheesy scenes from movies and cartoon. For her part, Kate is keeping it together pretty well, considering. She's serving drinks and snacks, but when she is trying to like one of the monsters' cigarette, she notices it shies away from the open flame. Assuming it's the brightness of the flame, she grabs a Polaroid camera from behind the bar and starts firing off pictures, causing the gremlins to scatter as it flashes. Just as the camera craps out on her, Billy arrives in his car to save the day, having stopped home to scoop up Gizmo before seeing if his car will start, headlights blazing, scaring the gremlins out of the bar. Unfortunately, just as they get back in the car, it stalls, and they have to take off running.

The gremlins, however, continue to need to be entertained, so they go to the local theater and watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. When Kate and Billy realize where the gremlins are, they sneak in and open a gas pipe, set a rag on fire, and run like hell just as the theater explodes, frying all the gremlins. Except for Stripe, who had left the building to find more snacks...

Awwwwwww...

Where is he going? Will there be some sort of final showdown between Billy and Stripe, possibly involving forestry equipment? or will Billy have to have his bacon saved by a small, adorable wad of fluff in a Barbie Dream Car? And where is Rand in all this? He couldn't have possibly dropped a potentially town-destroying monster on his family and then ducked out, could he?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Brooke liked the movie and really didn't have anything bad to say about it. She thought Gizmo looked like a Furby, which led to an entire ordeal of trying to find one on eBay, but that didn't make it into the recording. She believes Billy's mom is the real hero in this movie, because she took out those gremlins like a badass.

Mike also liked the movie a lot, despite problems understanding the rating system used on the show. He, too, believes Mrs. Peltzer is a badass, but also adds that Mrs. Deagle is pretty solid, as well, because she is the richest woman in town. He also suggests that this whole movie is basically a remake of It's a Wonderful Life, but with monsters.

Derek liked it, too, but he has a real problem with the gooey substances throughout the movie. If it isn't a gross, sticky close-up of a Mogwai eating, it's one of Rand's inventions spewing out some horrific, viscous goop. It's really quite upsetting. He would like to add that Kate is another movie badass because she keeps it together while dealing with the gremlins at the bar.

So stare into the sun, drench yourself in water, eat a bunch of late night snacks and tune in to this week's episode!

The Dark Tower

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Stephen King is, we can all agree, the most prolific horror writer in the world. It's his bread and butter. But every once in a while, he fires off a novel that isn't quite like his usual material. And a surprising number of those have been turned into movies, such as Stand By Me, The Shawshank Redemption, The Running Man (although it is almost impossible to recognize the original story in that movie), and this week's movie, The Dark Tower.

Inspired by Spaghetti Westerns starring Clint Eastwood and The Lord of the Rings, King has built an eight-book series that follows a gunslinger named Roland through an alternate universe where he must protect the Dark Tower that keeps the multiverse from collapsing in on itself or letting the various realms cross over into other realms. It also ties almost all of King's other books together, as well. It's a pretty complicated thing. Complicated enough to encompass eight books, anyway.

The sexual tension between these two takes up two books by itself!

Fortunately, if you don't have time to read that many books, there's this movie, which stars Idris Elba as Roland the Gunslinger, Matthew McConaughey as The Man in Black (aka Walter), and young Tom Taylor as Jake--a young boy with a special ability that allows him to see what Roland is up to over in his part of the multiverse. There are dozens of other people, but they're barely worth mentioning here.

Jake, age twelve, is Special. Or, as his stepfather Lon (Nicholas Pauling) would say, crazy. He has the Shine, which you might remember from The Shining, another movie/book combo from King's earlier work. Jake has what he believes to be nightmares, where he sees visions of a gunfighter who fights a mysterious Man in Black, who kills the Gunslinger's father. Jake's bedroom walls are covered with sketches of the Gunslinger, the Man in Black, and the Dark Tower, although he isn't quite sure what all of it means, or if it's even real. Jake's mother, Laurie (Katheryn Winnick), and Lon the asshole think that Jake might be dangerous after he beats up a bully (Nicholas Hamilton) that steals his sketchbook. So she contacts a local hospice that immediately sends out a doctor (Eva Kaminsky) and an orderly (Robbie McLean) to come take him away. Jake notices clues, such as the doctor's hand shaking like it's trying to escape her arm and the orderly's face having a seam running around it that suggests it is not his actual face, that cause him to decide to sneak out of the apartment before they can drag him off. The orderly gives chase, only to lose him.

This kid is nothing but trouble.

In the meantime, Jake goes to a location he had dreamed about after checking online to see if anybody recognizes it. Someone does, and they tell him where it is located. When Jake gets there, he finds a run down house that has a surprisingly modern keypad and door at the back. Typing in a number he recalled from his dreams, the door opens a portal into what appears to be another world. After throwing a shoe through to make sure it is safe and then fighting with part of the house's floor, Jake goes through the door and finds himself in the middle of a desert. A quick search around the general area reveals what appears to be a campsite, and Jake finds a canteen full of water, which he drinks immediately, only to stop and find himself face-to-muzzle with the gun of the Gunslinger from his dream, and he does not appear to be pleased.

In the ensuing conversation, Jake tells the Gunslinger that he has been appearing in the boy's dreams, and then shows Roland the sketches. Roland realizes Jake has the Shine and decides to get the boy back home before the Man in Black finds him. He also warns Jake not to use his talent because the Man in Black can use that to track him down. This throws a real wrench into Roland's plan to hunt down the Man in Black and take revenge for killing Roland's father, Steven (Dennis Haysbert). The Man in Black is sending his minions out to collect gifted children so he can plug them into his machine and use their power to attack the Dark Tower. it's sort of how the Skeksis in The Dark Crystal use the Podlings as a source of vitality, but even more murdery and disturbing, because it's not puppets this time.

All this fuss...Over a big, pointy rock.

Roland decides that Jake's visions must mean something, so they head toward a village where a seer can explain them. Along the way, they are attacked by one of the Man in Black's monsters, but Roland shoots it a lot and they get away, although Roland's shoulder is injured by a giant stinger that leaves a pretty large hole. They continue on tot he village, and when the seer touches Jake to see his visions, the Man in Black's minions attack, killing people and setting things on fire like crazy! Roland, itching to shoot something in the face, steps up and does that to just about anything that looks like it is attacking, including an amazing shot from about half a mile away, killing one of the monsters that has grabbed Jake and took off running through the surrounding cornfields.

Back in New York, the Man in Black goes to Jake's home and kills Lon with a simple phrase: "Stop breathing." He then interrogates Laurie and reads her thoughts, seeing Jake's drawings of him, and then berating Laurie for not believing her own son. It does not end well for her.

Kind of a jerk. Also hangs out with dangerously thin women. Weird,

Back in the village, Jake tells Roland there is a portal back to New York, and the villagers activate their own and send the two of them through it, where the emerge in some kind of restaurant. Jake keeps Roland from shooting everybody, and then they go to the hospital to get treatment for Roland's injuries. It's a pretty funny scene, actually, as Roland attempts to explain how he was injured without letting the doctors and nurses know he's from another universe. They then go to Jake's home so Jake can check-in with his mother. What they find is a pile of ashes in Jake's bedroom, and a smiley face with the words "hello there" written on the wall in those same ashes. As a distraction and an attempt to comfort Jake, Roland teaches him how to shoot a gun, while also teaching him the Gunslinger's Creed. As they speak each line, Jake's aim improves, giving him the ability to calm himself enough to make a good shot. If you are expecting this newfound talent to show up later in the film, you will be sorely disappointed.

Having shot some harmless bottles to get out some aggression, Roland needs more ammunition, so Jake takes him to a local gun shop, where Roland sticks his gun in the shopkeeper's face and takes all of his bullets. As they're leaving, the Man in Black shows up and confronts Roland while locking Jake out of the store. Although Roland shoots at the Man in Black, the bullets go right through him because he's not actually there. Roland tells Jake to run, but the boy is almost instantly caught by the Man in Black's goons and taken to their base. Jake sees the code they put in to take him to the base, and he uses his Shine to let Roland know so he can get there, as well. Roland heads back to the portal to rescue Jake.

"I'm gonna shoot a buncha people, is what I'm gonna do!"

But will he make it? Or will the Man in Black vacuum Jake's power out and use it to destroy the Dark Tower? Will there be Gelflings involved? How about Ewoks? Can we get a couple of Ewoks up in here? And will Roland finally be able to face-off with the Man in Black? Who will win?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Jake likes the movie, although he feels like he would have enjoyed it more if he had not read the source material beforehand. Efforts are made to avoid comparing it to the books, but those fail miserably when Derek makes a joke about Roland's lack of a hat. (A sticking point with Jake.)

Derek is blissfully ignorant of the books--he's aware of them, but has not read them. He is, therefore, probably the best possible audience for this film, and absolutely enjoyed it. Well, mostly. His biggest problem with it is all the mumbling. For all the action, everyone sounds really bored.

So fire up your portal, put on your cowboy cosplay costume and tune in to this week's episode!

Hercules in New York

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We all love Greek Mythology, right? Sure! Who doesn't! And when you add a young, muscle-bound, heavily-dubbed Arnold Schwarzenegger (aka Arnold "Mr. Universe" Strong) to the mix, as well as human-turtle hybrid Arnold Stang and a loose bear in Central Park, how much better could it possibly get?

The answer, unfortunately, is that it could get so much better. So. Much. Better.

Even a chariot racing through Times Square doesn't help.

Hercules is discontent with just hanging around Mount Olympus. He needs to get out and spread his wings. He needs to meet new people. He needs to dry-hump unsuspecting mortal women in the back of a carriage. And he needs to do it now. So he begs his father, Zeus (Ernest Graves), to let him go down to Earth and interact with the puny humans. Zeus is not keen on the idea, but it turns out that he is not the hardass he is depicted as in all those stories we read in elementary school. Defying his father, Hercules heads out, landing in the ocean, where he is picked up by a fishing vessel and is tasked with tossing other crew members around. He gets to work immediately, but decides to leave the ship when it gets into port in New York.

He is not, however, in a hurry to find any shirts.

The captain of the ship (Rudy Bond) is not too happy with Hercules just wandering off the ship (who will toss the crew around now?!), so he sends some thugs to drag the demigod back. It goes about as well for them as you might expect. And as the fight is happening, a local who sells pretzels on the dock and calls himself "Pretzie" (although it is entirely possible that Pretzie is his given name, because New York is weird) spots Hercules and decides that he needs to befriend this lumbering buttsteak, possibly to work as muscle for him, allowing Pretzie to charge whatever he wants for his pretzels without fear of repercussion. We do not pretend to know Pretzie's motivations, but he is clearly a pretty shifty dude.

After briefly assaulting a forklift, Hercules joins Pretzie in a cab ride through Central park, where they happen to find the Olympic team practicing. Hercules decides that he needs to get in there and show these bozos how to throw a discus and a javelin, and after some brief interaction with the coach, he is allowed to try and, of course, blows them all away with his amazing strength. So much so, in fact, that Pretzie bets one of the athletes fifty bucks, which he doesn't have, that Hercules can do better than their best guys at everything, which he does, of course.

Sure, they look weird together, but the sex is amazing.

In the random crowd watching all of this, Professor Camden (James Karen) and his daughter Helen (Deborah Loomis) see what transpires, and Dr. Camden immediately invites Pretzie and Hercules to tea. For some reason--most likely because it is 1969--Pretzie assumes that, by "tea", Dr. Camden means "drugs, most likely LSD." Pretzie is a weird guy. After Dr. Camden explains that he did not, in fact, offer Pretzie and his beefy, now-shirtless friend hallucinogens, they agree and head back to Pretzie's place to get cleaned up, apparently taking a few minutes to buy an enormous suit and several huge sweaters for Hercules on the way.

When they arrive at Dr. Camden's home, they are greeted by Helen, and Hercules, being a big, dumb lunkhead, immediately offends her. And then Helen's boyfriend Rod (Harold Burstein) shows up, so Hercules asks them if they are lovers, and a sort of fight ensues. Well, not really a fight, as such. Rod, defending Helen's purity, takes a couple of swings at Hercules, who then picks up Rod over his head and shakes him like a British nanny. We learn later that this violent jostling cracked two of Rod's ribs, but only makes him love Hercules more. He's a complex fella.

"Oh no! It appears my shirt has disappeared again and my enormous
pectorals can been seen by everybody! I am so embarrassed!"

Helen, for her part, acts as though every single dumb word that comes spilling out of Hercules' giant head offends her to her core, but only until the next scene, where the carriage cry humping mentioned above takes place. It is not to be consummated, however, because a bear that appears to know how to pick locks breaks out of the Central Park Zoo and goes on a rampage stroll through the park, where he bumps into Hercules and Helen. Hercules jumps out of the carriage to wrestle with the bear, while Helen stays in the carriage and yells, "HIT HIM! BEAT HIM UP!"

Dr. Camden convinces Pretzie that Hercules should get into professional wrestling to pay for more enormous clothing, and Pretzie agrees. Hercules, always happy to toss people around, also agrees and quickly works his way up the ranks. As he gets more popular, some gangsters, led by Artie Lange replicant Maxie (Merwin Goldsmith), pressure Pretzie into signing Hercules' contract over to them. Pretzie does, and immediately falls into a spiral of alcoholism that will, no doubt, shorten his already fragile life significantly.

Back on Mount Olympus, an angry Zeus demands to know where Hercules is and why nobody will listen to him. He first sends Mercury (Dan Hamilton) down to try and talk Hercules into returning. When that fails, he decides to send Nemesis (Taina Elg) to get him back home, but she is stopped by Venus (Erica Fitz), who instead instructs Nemesis to just take Herc's godly powers away from him. Again, defying the Father of the Gods without a second thought, Nemesis goes down to Earth and slips Hercules a roofie while he's out on a date with helen (who, you will recall, is supposed to hate him).

"Somebody bring me my re bar lightning bolts!"

The next day(?), Hercules must meet with another wrestler, Monstro (Tony "Mr. World" Carroll), in a contest. Not a wrestling contest, mind you...It's a weightlifting contest. So both men don their tiniest shorts and lift heavy things until Hercules, now without his super strength, fails to lift one thousand pounds. It is a sad day for Hercules, who throws down his fuzzy robe and stamps his tiny feet with incoherent rage. The gangsters who own his contract now are also angry because they lost a bunch of money on this contest, and a chase ensues. But will Hercules and his friends get away? Will at least one chariot be involved? Will Hercules return home? Or will he stay with Pretzie and blast Helen whenever he can? And what happened to Rod? Also, will Juno (Tanny McDonald) make some sort of sketchy deal with Pluto (Michael Lipton) that will result in Hercules spending a century in Hell?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Jake believes there is nothing redeeming about this movie. He is not wrong. It is garbage. The only way to enjoy it is with friends, so you can make fun of it. And if you do, get the version with Arnold's voice undubbed. Make soft pretzels. Every time he mispronounces his own name, eat a pretzel. It's fun!

Derek also finds nothing of use in this movie. Both were confused by Pretzie's lack of pretzels after his opening scene, and it is never addressed in the rest of the movie. Instead, he becomes as wrestling manager and drinks himself into oblivion. A fitting end, really.

So grease up your pecs, put on some really tiny shorts, and tune in to this week's episode!

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

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As Halloween is already nearly upon us, the guys had a quandary on their hands. Did they want to go with classic horror films again? Or did they want to pick something newer, to appeal to a younger audience? After tens of minutes discussing it, they decided to go with both and watch remakes of well-known horror films! And the first one they decided to start with was the 2006 remake of Wes Craven's already disturbing 1977 film, The Hills Have Eyes.

It starts out with Jeb (Tom Bower), the owner of a gas station out in the middle of the New Mexico desert, trying to quit some kind of business deal with someone named Pluto (Michael Bailey Smith), although what the deal is, is somewhat vague. What is definitely involved is a satchel full of jewelry and a Styrofoam box containing a human ear that appears to have been recently removed from its owner.

The next day(?), a big travel trailer pulled by a pickup truck pulls in to get some gas and maybe some directions. That's where we meet Big Bob (Ted Levine) and his family, including his wife Ethel (Kathleen Quinlan), son Bobby (Dan Byrd), youngest daughter Brenda (Emile de Ravin), oldest daughter Lynn (Vinessa Shaw), Lynn's husband Doug (Aaron Stanford), and their own child Catherine (Maisie Camilleri Preziosi). They also have a pair of German shepherds named Beauty and Beast. Beauty escapes the trailer and runs into the main office of the gas station, and when Lynn goes looking for her, Jeb is a little freaked-out to find them in there, as he is worried that Lynn saw what was in the satchel, which was sitting on the desk.

Jeb offers a shortcut to Bob, telling him he can cut an hour off his trip through the desert, as they are leaving and getting everyone back in the trailer. Bob thanks him and they are on their merry way...

You can totally trust this guy for directions.

...for all of about five minutes, when Bob drives the truck over some spikes that suddenly pop up out of the ground, causing him to lose control and crash the truck into the one and only giant rock in the area, pretty much totaling the vehicle. Somehow, nobody in injured, despite going from about fifty-ish miles-per-hour to zero almost instantly.

After assessing the damage, Bob decides that what he needs to do is send Doug out into the desert to try and find someone that can help him, while Bob himself heads off in the direction where he knows the gas station to be. He loads his big ol' .44 Magnum and he and Doug head off in different directions, leaving their wives and three children, one of whom is an infant, with the now immobile truck and trailer. That seems safe.

Brenda has already established a spot to sun herself, while Lynn and Ethel prepare food. Beauty gets out of the trailer and takes off running into the desert, so Bobby goes looking for her. When he finds her, she is dead and almost entirely gutted, causing Bobby to--quite reasonably--run away, but he falls down a pretty good drop, knocking him out.

Meanwhile, Mom and the baby relax.

As Bobby lies unconscious at the bottom of the pit, a physically deformed young girl, whom we later discover is named Ruby (Laura Ortiz), stands over him, watching him, but then notices that Goggle (Ezra Buzzington), is watching both of them, and she stays to keep Goggle away from Bobby.

Things aren't faring much better for Big Bob, who makes it back to the gas station, only to find that it looks like Jeb has abandoned it. He takes a look around, finds a bunch of articles in the office about disappearances and nuclear testing in the area, as well as the severed ear, and decides it's probably time to leave. He goes outside, but stops when he hears sounds coming from the outhouse. He finds Jeb in there, sobbing and holding a shotgun. Bob tries to talk to him, but Jeb keeps crying and finally blows his own head off. Bob definitely thinks it is time to leave, but he hears laughter around him and, after firing several random shots around the area, dives into Jeb's car and tries to start it. However, before he can, he hears the laughter in the back seat, and when he turns, he finds Papa Jupiter (Billy Drago), who smashes Bob's head against the windshield.

Doug is doing arguably much better than the other two. He finds a giant crater with a bunch of abandoned cars, and he goes picking through them to find some stuff. He grabs a few things and heads back to the trailer.

In a world gone mad...Good Boys still need to go walkies.

Bobby awakens and returns to the trailer, but he doesn't mention Beauty being killed. Doug returns as Ethel is cleaning Bobby's cuts from his fall. Later that night, they are awakened by screams heard outside. Brenda stays with the baby, and everyone else goes outside to investigate, where they find Bob tied to a stake and set on fire. While everybody is trying to save Bob, Pluto and Lizard (Robert Joy) run into the trailer and attack Brenda. Lizard smacks her around and rapes her.

Lynn enters the trailer to find Lizard and Pluto. As Lizard holds Bob's gun on the baby, he nurses from Lynn, which is super gross. Then Ethel comes in and Lizard shoots her, so Lynn grabs a nearby screwdriver and stabs lizard in the leg, causing him to shoot her in the head. Pluto grabs the baby, and Lizard tries to shoot Brenda, but he is out of bullets. He tells her, "I'll be back for you," and runs off with Pluto.

Although they put out the fire, Doug and Bobby couldn't save Bob. They go back to the trailer and find Lynn and Ethel dead, and Brenda in the process of a deserved meltdown. Out in the hills, Goggle was watching all of this go down and enjoying himself immensely, until Beast attacked and killed him, ripping his throat out.

Little sister Brenda is not going to help with dishes.

The next day, Doug sets out with Beast to find baby Catherine. They make their way back to the craters and find a small town made of houses that were built for nuclear testing, so there are lots of mannequins around and it is really unsettling. Also, Cyst (Greg Nicotero) is wandering around, and he's pretty unsettling all on his own. Doug finds the house where the baby is being kept and tries to sneak in and take her back. As he is leaving, he comes face-to-face with Big Mama (Ivana Turchetto), who knocks him out and stuff him in a freezer full of body parts.

Back at the trailer, Bobby is setting up tripwires and traps, while Brenda is setting tires on fire in the hope that someone will see the smoke and rescue them. When the tripwire is activated, they discover someone has stolen Ethel's body, and Bobby follows the trail of blood, only to find Papa Jupiter sitting on the ridge, eating Ethel's heart. Bobby responds by shooting at him, which seems like a good idea. And then he runs.

Doug awakens and has a bit of a rough time trying to get out of the freezer. When he does, he finds the wheelchair-bound Big Brain (Desmond Askew), who explains that these mutants were doing this because the government had chased them into the mines and set off nuclear bombs, so they were left with few option. And then Cyst shows up...

Excedrin Headache #358.

But what about Beast? Doug left him in a car to fend for himself! Will he get out? Will Doug survive his run-in with Cyst and save Catherine? Will Bobby and Brenda's traps keep them from becoming hors d'oeuvres for Big Brain and the rest (which they will no doubt pronounce "horse divorce")? And what's the deal with Ruby? No, really; what is her deal?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Derek really liked this, although he felt the first half was kind of aimless, aside from the almost constant murder. He also believes that Beast is the only real hero in this film. Everyone else did what they did to survive. Beast did it because he is a badass.

Jake is also a big fan. He loves the special effects and the gore, as well as the cast and the direction. There's really not a lot of bad that can be said about this one. And believe us, they tried! He also thinks the story in the first half was kind of light, but it still made for a fun watch.

So make sure your dog is with you, pile into the family camper, and tune in to this week's episode!

Schlock

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For the first time in what felt like forever, all three of the guys got together! And to celebrate, they finally sat down to watch Larry's pick from months ago, John  Landis' first film, 1973's Schlock, starring John Landis as the monster, Saul Kahan as Detective Sgt. Wino, Joseph Piantadosi as Ivan, Richard Gillis as Officer Gillis, Harriet Medin as Mrs. Blinerman, Eliza Garrett as Mindy Blinerman, and a cast of almost nobody that you would recognize.

When over 700 people turn up dead over a couple of days, police have nothing to go on, other than banana peels left all over the crime scenes. Thus, the Banana Killer is loose in this small town, free to kill at will.

A group of four teens find a hole leading to a cavern, where one of the teens finds an ape-like beast that beats him to death. A second teen goes looking for him, and is also killed due to his own inability to recognize the monster, choosing instead to interrupt it beating his friend to death. The two remaining teens--the girlfriends of these two victims--go to the police, who only seem vaguely interested in their story, despite them bringing him a severed and mummified head they found at the site.

A severed head? Gross.

Meanwhile, somewhere else in town, Mindy is being released form the hospital, having undergone surgery to repair her eyes after being involved in some kind of accident. She is still bandaged, but her mother thinks it would be good for her to go in the yard and get some air. While Mindy is out there, she finds what she believes to be a dog, but which is actually the monster, Schlock. She throws a stick for it to fetch, causing it to get more and more frustrated that she won't hold onto it. Before long, Mindy's mother comes out to bring her back in, causing Schlock to run away.

Why are you like this?!

Over at the cavern, a TV crew and a bunch of scientists have arrived to investigate, sending one of the scientists down into the hole, while the TV host talks to people on the scene, including a woman who was able to guess how many complete people were in several bags of body parts at the last crime scene. Schlock arrives on the scene, takes part in an interview, and then rips the reporter's arm off.

Mindy gets her bandages removed, and the surgery worked; she can see! She and her boyfriend go out in the yard to make out, and Schlock sees this, causing him to freak out, because he apparently was in love with her. He attacks, but Mindy's boyfriend is able to fend him off with some road flares that just happen to be laying around. Frustrated again, Schlock runs away and goes to the movies. Seriously.

No, really.

At the theater, Schlock sneaks into a double feature of The Blob and Dinosaurus, where people keep sitting in front of him and blocking his view. But, again...nobody acknowledges that this is a murderous apeman. Goofiness ensues, as one might expect, including Schlock taking a young boy to the bathroom, waiting patiently, and then taking him back. Nobody...says...a...word.

After the movie, Schlock attacks some random woman at her home (after politely ringing the doorbell), and then heads back into town, where he crashes a dance. While he's there, he watches a couple making out and sneaks into the man's car to surprise him and kill him. He has had a busy day.

Heck hath no fury like a monkey scorned,

The next day, while strolling around town, as monsters do, he is almost run over by a douchebag who yells at him to watch where he's going. Schlock calmly drags the man out of his car, rips out the seat and places the man on it, then begins to tear the car to pieces. He also goes to a baseball game and causes a disruption there, although one of the kids just isn't that impressed with him and blows raspberries at him until Schlock gets tired of him and throws him...somewhere far away? Wherever he lands, there's a pool, and it's clearly nowhere near the baseball diamond, which is in the middle of nowhere.

Throughout all of this, Detective Wino and Ivan are trying to figure out what's going on. At one point, Wino puts on an ape mask, hoping to convince the creature to follow him out of a house, allowing the police to shoot it a lot. It doesn't go as planned, and Detective Wino gets shot(?) instead, although you wouldn't know it by the way he reacts to it.

Body parts, anyone?

When Schlock finally gets around to taking Mindy hostage and climbing a building, Wino calls the "National Guard", which appears to be some kind of doughy guy militia sort of thing. But can they save Mindy?

And what about Schlock? Will they kill him? Will Wino ever do anything right? What, to paraphrase Wino, is wrong with Ivan? And the most important question of all: How did John Landis get work after this?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Larry absolutely loves this movie. He says it's right in his wheelhouse, and feels like it was made for him, despite not being born when it came out. Maybe that makes Landis a very specific kind of visionary?

Jake thinks it's okay, and he's into Rick Baker's effects work. He thinks that all the perceived flaws are a part of the movie itself, being as it is an homage to the drive-in horror films of the 1950s.

Derek just doesn't get it. He gets what they were going for, but he feels like it was too far over to the comedy side, and not nearly as horrific as it should have been. Also, the acting is not great. Woof.

So get some bananas, give up all hope, and tune in to this week's episode!

Tank Girl

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In another failed attempt to watch John Landis' first film, Schlock, due to Larry not being able to make it to the session, Derek and Jake sat down to watch a classic 90s comic book movie that doesn't involve muscly dudes in spandex body suits: 1995's Tank Girl, starring Lori Petty, Naomi Watts, Malcolm McDowell, Ice-T, Don Harvey, Jeff Kofer, Reg E. Cathey, Scott Coffey, Stacy Linn Ramsower and Iggy Pop, among others.

Rebecca (Petty) lives in a commune with her boyfriend (Brian Wimmer), several other adults, and a number of what appear to be feral children, in a futuristifc, post-Apocalyptic world that is all but completely without water. What little water there is, is claimed and controlled by a massive company called Water & Power, run by Kesslee (McDowell).

Water & Power have their own problems, because their outposts are regularly attacked by a mysterious group called The Rippers, thought to be some kind of mutant monsters.

Not a people person.

When the commune is attacked by Water & Power's army because there was an unauthorized water pump in the house, Rebecca's boyfriend and most of the other inhabitants of the house are killed, and one of the kids, Sam (Ramsower), is last seen screaming for Rebecca before being dragged back inside the house. Rebecca is subdued after killing a number of soldiers, and taken back to Water & Power headquarters, where she meets Kesslee and immediately pisses him off, so she gets put in the hard labor pool.

After a hard day at work, Rebecca hears another prisoner who is also a flight mechanic, Jet Girl (Watts) being harassed by a Water & Power officer (Harvey), so she intercedes, making a friend in Jet, who isn't quite sure what to make of Rebecca.

But she seems so normal...

The next day, Rebecca sneaks into the motor pool and tries to steal a tank. Unfortunately, because she doesn't have a security code, she triggers a cyanide gas release in the tank, which almost kills her before Jet, who does have access codes due to her status as a mechanic, saves her.

This entire scene is watched by Kesslee, who decides to interrogate Rebecca because he thinks she might know where the Rippers are. When she refuses to answer any questions, he puts her in a straight jacket and drops her down a long tube to think about whether she wants to help. At the same time, the officer who was harassing Jet takes away her flight status to punish her for helping Rebecca. After a while, Kesslee pulls Rebecca out of the tube and tells her they are going to use her as bait for the Rippers, who have attacked another outpost and killed a bunch of Water & Power soldiers.

That night, they all go to the scene of the last attack and prepare to send Rebecca out, but before it can happen, the Rippers attack, killing almost everyone except Rebecca. Jet, who has stolen a plane, goes looking for her and finds her, hoping to get the two of them out of there, but Rebecca refuses to leave without her tank, and they two of them take off to go find Sam.

Traveling in style!

In their travels, they find another house where a woman has some of Sam's personal effects, and after they convince the woman they aren't from Water & Power, she tells them they can find Sam at a place called Liquid Silver, which appears to be a kind of gentlemen's club, but for super-creepy pervs. After a quick montage of Jet and Rebecca, who is now officially Tank Girl, personalizing their chosen vehicles, they head out to Liquid Silver.

When they arrive, Rebecca sneaks into the club somehow, and Jet steals some woman's clothes so she can sneak in, too. At the same time, The Madam of the club (Ann Magnuson), sends Sam off to do "a school girl thing" with a customer called Rat Face (Pop). Sam escapes from him and finds Rebecca, and the two of them find Jet and head out, but not before interrupting the evening's events for the club-goers to make The Madam sing Cole Porter's "Let's Do It", because why the hell not?

Completely normal.

The performance is interrupted by Water & Power soldiers who, once again, capture Sam, leaving Rebecca and Jet to go after her one more time, completely unaware that Kesslee has survived the Ripper attack and has a new robotic arm, as well as his head removed and replaced with...something else? But this time, Rebecca wants to recruit The Rippers to help, so she and Jet head out into the desert to find them, which they inadvertently do, only to discover that The Rippers are, in fact, human/kangaroo hybrids created by a mysterious man named Johnny Prophet. Rebecca takes a liking to one of them, Booga (Kofer), who also has some dog DNA in him (because he was a good dog), and another, Donner (Coffey) is really into Jet, who doesn't seem to be as interested. Another Ripper, T-Saint (Ice-T) doesn't trust either of them and suggests they kill both Rebecca and Jet. He is outvoted by the others, who choose instead to test them by sending them to get pictures of a weapons delivery headed to Water & Power headquarters.

Rebecca and Jet sneak onto the site and get the pictures by pretending to be a photography crew making a Water & Power calendar, and then a plan is hatched to steal the weapons. It goes as well as it can, and Rebecca manages to get the trailer that has the crates on it, but when they get the crates back to the Rippers' underground lair, they discover most of them filled with dirt, with the exception of one, which holds the remains of Johnny Prophet. Naturally, the Rippers are upset, and they make a plan to take down Water & Power for good.

Again, nothing strange here...

But will it work? Will they shut down the evil company for good? Will Kesslee's head replacement work like it's supposed to? Will Rebecca and Booga go on to live happily ever after? Will Donner continue to dry-hump Jet every chance he gets? Oh, and will Sam be saved?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Jake was pleased to realize he enjoyed this as much as, if not more than, when he first saw it back in 1995. He also points out that Tank Girl is the empowered female hero for people who think Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman was a bit too stuffy and proper. He does, however, have some issues with the technology used for Kesslee's head replacement. Also, a musical number?! Really?!

Derek has liked this movie since he first saw it, and has never wavered in his appreciation of it. He also thinks that a reboot should include Paul F. Tompkins as the Ripper T-Saint, doing his killer Ice-T impression. If you haven't heard it, you should. He is also okay with the musical number because it was in such an absurd place, and Joan Jett was singing on it. What's not to dig?

So put on your weirdest post-Apocalyptic outfit, climb into the military vehicle of your choice, and check out this week's episode!

Duel

To listen/download, click here!

Once again, the guys were unable to have everybody here, as Larry's dad was in town visiting him, so Derek and Jake decided to put John Landis' first film, Schlock, on hold, choosing instead to watch another director's first: Steven Spielberg's 1971 originally made-for-TV movie that was later released to theaters with extra footage, Duel.

Based on a Richard Matheson story, Duel stars Dennis Weaver and almost nobody else, other than a mysterious truck driver whose face we never see, played by Carey Lofton, that is bent on killing him because he had the nerve to pass the truck on a more-or-less empty highway. This film is, essentially, Road Rage: The Movie, and it is mostly scenes of him driving and trying not to be killed by the evil trucker.

Just your average Murder Truck.

Dennis Weaver is David Mann, a guy who is driving home from some sort of business meeting to try keeping his wife (Jaqueline Scott) from leaving him(?) because one of David's friends, in her words, "practically raped" her at a party. Naturally, David is in a hurry to save his marriage, and things are going well until he gets stuck behind a tanker truck that is moving slower than he wants to be. When he passes the truck, the driver takes it personally and decides right then to murder David with his truck. Apparently, truckers were super-sensitive back then.

Especially about poorly-chosen paint color.

What follows is a lot of cat-and-mouse chases, stops at a place called Chuck's Cafe (pronounced as one word in the movie: "Chuckskufeh") that results in David getting his ass handed to him due to his own failed attempt to confront the guy he thinks is the truck driver that it terrorizing him, a visit to a gas station/snake farm that ends poorly for all involved, including the snakes, an attempt by David to push-start a school bus full of obnoxious children, numerous interactions with elderly people who don't believe the truck exists until it's too late, and a bunch of teasing by the murder truck as David spends more and more time looking like a concerned Burt Reynolds.

The real problem.

It all boils down to a final face-off between David and the truck out in the middle of the desert. But how will it end? And what's the deal with the trucker? Will he ever wash his truck? It's filthy! Will David make it home? Will his wife stay with him? Will any of these questions be answered?

You'll have to tune in to find out! But don't count on it.

Derek liked it, but it was a bit...empty. He also thought Dennis Weaver looked weird without a cowboy hat on. Still, for Spielberg's first film, it was pretty good. Not as many horror-like elements as he would have expected, but still good.

Jake liked it, and felt that it had an almost Twilight Zone feel to it. He was a little concerned about the addition of the wife's arc, but it was never concluded, so there are too many questions. (See the ones listed above.) Also, the font used in the opening credits was a little too cheerful for this type of film.

So gas up your bright orange Plymouth Valiant, put on your most uncomfortably tight Sans-a-belt slacks, and listen this week's episode!

Re-View: The Blob

To listen/download, click here!

Jake couldn't make it to the recording this time around because of work stuff, but that's okay because the guys were re-watching 1958's The Blob for Larry's benefit. Whether he actually did benefit from it is up for debate, as he did not seem especially impressed with the story of Steve (played by a young Steven McQueen) and his deep, abiding love for a murderous lump of phlegm from outer space. Joining Steve in this whirlwind romance are Aneta Corseaut as Jane, Earl Rowe as Lt. Dave, Stephen Chase as Dr. Hallen, John Benson as Sgt. Jim (a bitter veteran and police officer), and a whole bunch of has-beens and never-wases! (You can hear the original podcast here!)

When a meteor falls to Earth, a weird old man who lives in the woods (Olin Howlin) abandons his small dog to go poke the meteor with a stick. It seems the meteor is just a hard candy shell for the flesh-eating nougat within, much like a Cadbury Creme Egg, which also wants to kill you, but with diabetes. Young Steve and his girlfriend Jane see the meteor go down and head out to find it. Instead, they find the end result--the weird old man with his arm encased in murder snot. They put him in Steve's car and take him to Dr. Hallen, who looks at the goo and frowns a lot.

Gross.

Steve and Jane, meanwhile, meet up with Steve's hoodlum friends to race cars backwards, only to get busted by Officer Dave, the sensible cop. Dave lets them off with a warning after Steve jabbers incoherently at him for a little bit. Realizing they are unstoppable, Steve and the gang decide to investigate the old man's cabin by breaking in and stealing his dog, and checking out the site where the meteor landed.

Must...not...laugh...

At the same time, Dr. Hallen discovers that the goo monster has completely consumed the old man, so he calls for a nurse, just in case the goo is still hungry. She arrives and freaks out, so Dr. Hallen throws some stuff at the goo and tries to shoot it, which is about as effective as trying to pick up a sleeping cat. The goop attacks Dr. Hallen, just in time for Steve and Jane to arrive to check on the old man, and Steve sees Dr. Hallen being eaten. When Jane comes to look, the dog--clearly the smartest member of the cast--runs away.

But I hate cranberry sauce!

Steve and Jane decide to go to the police. (About Dr. Hallen being eaten; the dog will have to wait.) They are met by Sgt. Jim, who hates all teenagers because he thinks they all resent his war record. He isn't impressed by their story of murder snot, but Officer Dave steps in and offers to go take a look at Dr. Hallen's house, much to Sgt. Jim's disappointment. What they find is a mostly undisturbed and unoccupied house. They do find Dr. Hallen's rifle, which has recently been fired, but that's not enough to impress them, so they blow off the whole thing after speaking to Dr. Hallen's maid, who tells them that he is out of town all weekend for a conference.

Steve and Jane go on their way and accidentally find the dog cowering at the local grocery store. As they get it, they realize they store is still unlocked, despite being well past closing time. So, in the way of teenagers everywhere in movies (even 30-year-old teenagers like these), they go inside to see what's up. They find nobody inside, but after knocking over a bunch of stuff (causing Jane to drop the dog, which runs away again), they notice the hate-phlegm oozing toward them and run into the meat locker, only to discover that it won't follow them in there.

You're gonna wanna go up your ass and to the left to get away.

After what they deem a safe amount of time, they leave the cooler and go find their friends, all of whom are at the movies, and ask them to help get the rest of the town's attention so they can warn everyone about the booger creature. Always up for causing some mayhem, their buddies agree and leave, just in time to avoid being attacked by the evil loogie, unlike everyone else in the theater.

The cops show up and check out the grocery store, but Sgt. Jim doesn't find anything and threatens to arrest everybody. Before he can, however, the crowd from the theater comes running out and into the streets because the goop is chasing them. In the confusion, Jane's little brother, who should have been in bed a long time ago, appears out of nowhere and tries to shoot the monster with his cap gun. When that doesn't work, the little bastard runs into a nearby diner to observe the carnage to come. Steve and Jane follow him in there, just in time for the diner to be covered by the angry gelatin monster.

Murder craisin! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Will they survive? Or will they be consumed slowly, in what could possibly be the grossest way possible? And what about the cops? Will they finally realize Steve and the gang weren't lying? Will Sgt. Jim come to understand that his perception of the kids' disrespect for him is nothing more than the manifestation of his own insecurities? Or will he finally snap and go on a killing spree, the likes of which the small town has never seen before or since? Also, where the heck is the dog? And is he an accomplice to the murder goo?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Larry did not care for this movie because all the teenagers looked the same age as the adults. Also, he was worried about the little doggie. His biggest problem, however, was that he felt there was "too much story." That's one he'll have to explain himself.

Derek liked it the first time, and he still does. He has learned to appreciate the natural feel of the dialogue, and he also spent most of the movie hoping Sgt. Jim would snap and possibly pistol-whip Steve and his friends. He, too, is worried about the little doggie, but suspects it was up to something nefarious.

So stock up on Kleenex and Mucinex, fire up that Neti Pot, and listen this week's episode!