Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

It's that time again, gang! As always, I have spent countless minutes searching out and curating some of the funniest tweets I happened to run across while idly staring at Twitter on my phone at various points throughout my day.

Isn't it exciting to get these candid behind-the-scenes peeks at the goings on-around this joint?

Anyway, before I get started, I just wanted to give everyone a heads-up about this week's episode of Here Be Spoilers. Specifically, why there won't be one.

You see, we don't get paid for doing that show. We do it because we love movies, and we hope you get a kick out of us yammering away about them. if you do, thanks. We appreciate it. However, sometimes our real-life jobs get in the way of our recording schedulhe, which is, itself, pretty difficult to set up in the first place, due to all of us working different shifts. usually,ave we would have recorded today, but due to a scheduling conflict on my part, it just didn't happen.

That said, there will be a new episode out a week from Wednesday, and we hope you'll tune in and have a few laughs with us at The Undertaker and his Pals.

And so...

Enough of that stuff. let's get on with the funny, shall we? And, as always, it's in no particular order...

King Kong is my favorite classic movie about how a bitch will get you shot.

— Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) June 11, 2014

It actually only takes girls 5 minutes to get ready, the rest of the time we're just smooshing our boobs together and posing in the mirror.

— Pony Starwars (@tigersgoroooar) June 7, 2012

I steal ONE purse & suddenly I'm 'The Girl Who Steals Purses,' instead of 'The Girl Who Kills Hobos.' But why? I've killed SO MANY hobos!

— snowjob (@canadasandra) November 13, 2014

When I'm bored, I take my hot air balloon out & land by strangers & ask them what year it is & then respond "damn, it worked" and fly off.

— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) July 22, 2014

Netflix says "Ernest Saves Christmas" is a top pick for me. I don't know what I did to deserve this.

— Heidi Hits Children (@heiditron3000) November 12, 2014

I see London I see France I have a map of Europe

— Captain Antagonist (@AnOrangeSNES) November 9, 2014

"Something happened in the garage, and I just, I just love you so much" pic.twitter.com/2qwdh9lhKI

— coolgal518 (@quintywinties) November 15, 2014

*Fred Durst on stage* Yo!! When I say "Limp" you say "Bizkit"!! *crowd is silent* "LIMP" *one man yells* "Shut the fuck up"

— Big Red (@BigRedKraut) November 9, 2013

Walmart now selling health care. Although I'm not sure I want a 7 year old Chinese kid operating on me.

— Paul Lander (@paul_lander) November 9, 2014

I guess I went on my laptop after the bar last night and fell asleep on my keyboard. Accidentally got a degree from Kaplan.

— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) November 9, 2014

And there you have it! Good times, indeed!

On that note, all of us here at The Ugly Couchcast hope you have a fantastic week. And let us help it along with this classic clip from Weird Al Yankovic!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco