Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Another great week! We had us a St. Patrick's Day, which meant the first day that the Easter Bunny was at the mall here in town, because, as we all know, St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland that were never there in the first place so an anthropomorphic rabbit could bring small children piles of candy to celebrate the Return of Zombie Jesus! (I think; I'm no theology expert.)

And he is NOT happy.

And, as always, the folks on the Twitter machine were way more hilarious than I could ever hope to be. So why not, you know, get over there and follow the hell out of them?

In the meantime, here's a few samples of the hilariousness that lives there (in no particular order)...

Ron, I think you're burying the lede here. The point is, my ass is WRITING CHECKS.

— Shane Nickerson (@shanenickerson) March 17, 2015

Autocorrect turned "pinch" to "punch", and my light-hearted Paddy's Day text just became a threat.

— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) March 17, 2015

It's sexy when a girl licks her lips because I think maybe she just had chicken and maybe I can have some.

— Sam Reid (@SamReidSays) October 10, 2014

*opens fortune cookie CHINESE FOOD IS PEOPLE. PEEEEOPLE LUCKY NUMBERS: 23 13 2 19 7

— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 19, 2015

We didn't have emojis back in the day. We were forced to shit in the office, slap googly eyes on it and fax it to people.

— Velvet Tusk (@velvettusk) August 26, 2014

[marriage counseling] "I think hes crazy. He keeps having angry fits & renaming stuff" *in the background* HEDGEHOGS ARE JUST SHARP HAMSTERS

— jackson (@tricycle_champ) March 9, 2015

I hope the Google self driving car has an "I'm feeling lucky" option. See where it takes you.

— The one, the only... (@The_IceMan555) March 18, 2015

pic.twitter.com/VZFo5TGnLA

— a Goob (@glu_ben) March 21, 2015

Sexual Prime is my favorite Transformer.

— AmishPornStar (@AmishPornStar1) March 21, 2015

White girl at Starbucks: I'll have double mocha supreme latte extra ugg boot friend zone yoga pants spray tan please .

— Megan Stuhr (@megan_stuhr) March 20, 2015

And there you have it! Seriously, how much more awesome can it get? Well, a tiny bit more, so's you can start your week off with a musical giggle from Barenaked Ladies...

All the best,

Derek and Bosco