Look...We've tried being reasonable with you. We've given you one opportunity after another to show that you are capable of not completely sucking out loud. We've even joked about you, saying things like, "Well, maybe if we get it out of the way early, the rest of the year will be easy!"
And now, here it is, almost six months later, and you're still being a complete and utter asshole. SO not cool. Seriously...Knock it off. I'm getting tired of trying to be funny when I am surrounded by sadness and grief because it's hard enough under normal circumstances, and also because it feels weird and uncomfortable making jokes during those situations.
So, as I said, please cut it out. I've had enough.
(And now, back to our regularly-scheduled ramblings...with this week's GIFs provided by our pal @redtache, who is funny, so you should follow him.)
Okay...Hi, everybody! I hope you're all well. I also hope you've been paying attention to the news because it seems that, once again, Donald Trump has been working very, very hard to destroy any and all hope he might have of becoming the president. And it has been hilarious.
And it gets better! His campaign sent out an e-mail Saturday in the hope of getting $100,000 in "emergency cash" to try facing off against Hillary Clinton's $8 million ad buy in potential swing states. Go ahead and do that math in your head. I'll wait.
Of course, for about a year now, Trump has been insisting that he didn't need to spend a bunch of money on ads because he gets free time on TV whenever some news program wants to hear him muttering his ridiculous neural firings.
|What is happening in Donald Trump's brain at any given moment.|
Oh, and speaking of firings, Trump also fired his campaign manager, Cory Lewandowski, today, so...yeah...
But, really, the comparison is pretty easy to make. And here's a fine example:
[Debate]— Daniel Lin (@DLin71) June 1, 2016
CLINTON: (wearing Heelys and vaping on Snapchat) On fleek. Emojis. YAAAS.
TRUMP: At my inauguration, I promise to kill a gorilla
Needless to say, as Trump's polls tank hard, he's scrambling to try to put together a campaign that, really, he should have had ready well before now. On top of that, his own part (the GOP, for those of you living under a rock) is working on possible ways to dump him from the nomination at the convention.
I wonder how Donald Trump will take to being described as the "loser" on the night of November 8. I fantasize about this more than I should.— Brosephine Wires (@JoParkerBear) June 13, 2016
It's not looking good for him.
|There's a metaphor in here somewhere...|
For those saying gun laws don't work, I made a list of Australian public mass shootings since our strict 1996 laws pic.twitter.com/0bAcOPmeeP— Josh Butler (@JoshButler) June 12, 2016
|Distraction initiated...Hey, guys! Tomorrow's Taco Tuesday!|
I like my coffee, like I like my women,— UncleDave's Mustache (@DavePrimeau) February 24, 2016
without some other guys dick in it.
how do we know that we aren't all just tiny robotic finger puppets controlled by the great and powerful Steve Buscemi— an pigeon,, (@imskytrash) June 15, 2016
Just when I feel like nothing in this world makes sense, I'm reminded that COMBOS® is the official cheese-filled snack of NASCAR®.— Mike (@mijamtweets) June 12, 2016
The new Licki Brush is perfect for grooming a cat/presidential candidate with your tongue. ?? pic.twitter.com/qpFVRFiHAz— Funny Or Die (@funnyordie) June 15, 2016
I scream, you scream, we all scream because the population is expanding at an unsustainable rate— Bric (@bric_haus) June 14, 2016
To help avoid confusion: pic.twitter.com/EALGo5ysD1— benny (@b_e_n_n_why) June 12, 2016
I am worried that my latest Goodwill donation will result in homeless people looking like sluts from the 90s— Just4funsa (@Just4funsa) July 26, 2011
Saw a heart attack symptom checklist yesterday that included “sense of doom,” which means it’s possible I’ve been having one since I was 14.— Brad Willis (@BradWillis) June 17, 2016
[reentering the US from Canada]— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) June 18, 2016
Guard: proof of citizenship please
Me: *hands over 6 kinds of beef jerky*
G: welcome back
And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome week. Also, be sure to throw out a "HUZZAH!" to our pal Billy Brooks, VFX ninja and executive producer-kind-of-guy, for the show he works on, Con Man, being up for an Emmy! And wish 'em all luck on that!
Oh, and go look at this.
|Or, you know, the equivalent in your galactic region, I guess...|
Derek and Bosco