June 29, 2016

Space Jam

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This week, Derek got to pick the movie, and he decided to go with one of the greatest sports movies ever made: Space Jam, starring Michael Jackson, Wayne Knight, Danny DeVito, Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley, Larry Bird a bunch of other basketball guys from 1996, and Bill Murray...Why? Because it's Bill. Goddamn. Murray. That's why.

Acting circles around a cartoon rabbit and a professional basketball player!
When the Looney Tunes are attacked by aliens from an outer space theme park called Moron Mountain, they demand an opportunity to play basketball against the aliens in order to be able to stay on Earth. The aliens' leader, Swackhammer (DeVito), agrees to it and sends his very tiny minions out to steal the playing abilities of several NBA stars, including Charles Barley, Chauncey Billups, and Patrick Ewing, which transforms the minions into the gigantic MonStars.

All of whom play the number zero.
The Looney Tunes come up with a plan that involves kidnapping a retired-from-basketball-but-trying-to-play-baseball Michael Jordan to teach them how to play so they can beat the MonStars, because th' hell else ya gonna do?

Jordan's expression just screams, "You have got to be shitting me."
Michael's assistant, Stan (Wayne Knight) digs a giant hole to follow Michael to Toon World, and help him beat the MonStars by being large, sweaty, and generally unpleasant to watch.

But wait!

Just when it seems that the MonStars are going to pound the Looney Tunes into a soggy pile of mush, Bugs Bunny convinces his team that a bottle of magic water (read: steroid juice) will give them the power to beat the aliens and save them from having to be an attraction at Swackhammer's theme park.

Fortunately, Stan and Bill Murray ("I'm a friend of the producer...") are there to help Michael and his team of cartoons!

His official position: Benchwarmer and sweat generator.
Will they win? Will Swackhammer force them to come to Moron Mountain anyway? Will it be a strong enough victory to allow for a sequel twenty years later starring LeBron James?

We'll just have to see.

There's also some news in The Lobby, new movies Coming Soon, your favorite toons in Larry's List, Jake-in' Off over E3, and local TV Inside My Head!

So put on your lucky shorts, lace up your excessively expensive shoes, and tune in to this week's episode!