July 18, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, everybody!

Look, I know there's far more pressing and important stuff to talk about than the things I'm going to talk about here, but I have to be honest; I just can't talk about that stuff anymore. I can't.

So, I'm going to talk about the other dumbass, but less fatal (for the most part) stuff that's currently happening. And, because I'm trying to keep things light, I'm going to include these animations of a confused John Travolta:

No, like...what's in your wallet?
Although I am loathe to mention it, I feel I must because Here Be Spoilers pal and sometimes participant Troy Parker plays it: Pokemon GO is a thing that exists.

That statement covers everything I know, or even care to know, about Pokemon GO. In fact, it's more than I want to know about it, but being at the forefront of pop culture isn't all rainbows and unicorn farts. It has its dark side, too.

Apparently, people have to actually get up and move around to play this game, which is a good thing for parents, kids, and adults who maybe spend a little too much time awash in the glow of their computer screens and Cheeto dust. The parents are glad the kids are getting out of the house, the kids are getting exercise, and the adults who play are finding out what air that isn't contaminated by the stench of stale Mountain Dew Code Red smells like.

If you are playing, please know two things: 1. There are thousands of others out there playing it, too. Maybe look up from your phone occasionally to make sure you're not about to run into each other; and 2. You will never battle me or have me join your team because I have as much interest in playing Pokemon GO as a concussed kitten has in quantum physics.

Or as much interest as Black Widow has in Vincent Vega.
Also, Donald Trump picked his running mate this past week, much to the chagrin of most Republicans, including a solid half of the RNC, at least. Citizens of Indiana, where Governor Mike Pence hails from, is giddy with excitement over the prospect of getting rid of a terrible governor.

Trump, who insists that Pence was his first choice, spent a good chunk of Friday evening trying to get out of choosing Pence until he finally gave in because he realized that, terrible though Mike Pence is, he's a Boy Scout compared to Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich.

Unfortunately for both Christie and Gingrich, the word about Pence had already got out before Trump had called the two of them to let them know he was placing them on waivers. Whoops!

Still more realistic than Trumps chances.
Speaking of poor life choices, the Republican National Convention is going on this week, and it started out with Stephen Colbert crashing the party, where, as security arrived to remove him from the stage, he said, "I know, I don't belong here. Neither does Trump."

In the run up to preparing for this week, the RNC found themselves short on cash for this shit show, so they took their presumptive candidate's example of borrowing money and asked somebody to lend them $6 million to cover expenses.

And then a huge list of speakers was assembled...and as the names leaked out, more and more of those people released statements along the lines of "Wait, what? Oh, I am not going there..." Therefore, this convention's big celebrity catch is Chachi! (Whatsamatta? Was Screech still in jail?)

The rest of the list is equally impressive, including no less than six members of Trump's family. Nobody is surprised at all.

Confused? Maybe. But not surprised.
And finally, the new Paul Feig-directed, all-female Ghostbusters hit the screens this past weekend, and by all accounts, it has completely failed to destroy everyone's childhood memories, despite predictions by thousands of misogynist dickbags in the months leading up to it.

And, as I write this, it sits at 73% on RottenTomatoes.com. Go figure.

I got nothin' for this. Make up your own caption.
And then there were tweets. Not just any tweets, mind you...These are goddamn funny ones! And now I'm gonna throw them all up in your grill! And, if you like what you read, why not come on over to the Twitter machine and join us?

And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome week, will ya? And try not to be a dick. Why, you ask? Well, because of this...

All the best,
Derek and Bosco