I planned on posting my usual ten tweets this week. In fact, I still have the list of them that I pulled. But then, when I was going through all of the re-tweets on my page, I noticed quite a few that were directly related to the Republican National Convention (aka Fear-A-Palooza featuring an angry carrot), and realized I had a ton of those, too.
So, it seemed like a reasonable idea to post a bunch of those. However, I didn't want to just throw out the other ones. That's why I've decided to make this a two-part list. First, I will put up the regular tweets, because I figured that anyone who would be offended by the potentially mean things said about the RNC would still want to see the other stuff. Then I'll put the RNC-specific list.
However, since you all should know by now where I stand concerning Trump, I don't imagine any of you will be surprised that I'll be using a number of images related to his disturbing interest in his daughter when I talk about other stuff beforehand.
|Yeah, he totally wants to bang her...If he hasn't already.|
Seriously? How fucking sad does your life have to be that the only joy you get in life is to make someone guilty of nothing more than being a funny and talented comedienne quit social media, where she enjoyed stating in contact with her fans?
The upside of this story is, the Breitbart writer has been banned for life from Twitter. (And good riddance.) Also, Leslie Jones is back on! Follow her (@Lesdoggg) and show her some support!
|By dating, he means "having sex with"...|
|...THAT HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH.|
Several stories were put forward, from "she did not steal the speech and wrote it herself" to "someone on her speech writing team put those bits from Michelle Obama's speech because Melania admires her." (Notice the vast difference just between those two comments.) There was also a member of Trump's organization--not his campaign--who came forward and claimed (on Trump Company letterhead) to have been the one who wrote the speech. The bottom line is, whomever is responsible for the passages that were obviously lifted from the first lady's speech, nobody will ever find out for sure.
|...Because then everyone will know I want to bang her.|
Bartender: This is from the lady across the bar *hands me razor blade*— BleachCobbler (@Puercotron) July 17, 2016
Lady Across Bar: *gestures slashing motions to wrists*
Here, drink this cold-pressed kale lettuce carrot spinach lemon juice.— Ray (@SirEviscerate) July 20, 2016
"Because it's healthy?"
*leans close* Because I loathe you.
Ugh, the last time my husband put it in the wrong hole I ended up with a baby.— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) July 19, 2016
This is cheating. We had to use our fingernails. There are still some pieces that are stuck together after 30 years. pic.twitter.com/424XNIoObJ— benerdist (@benerdist) July 21, 2016
The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic load.— Norman D Landings (@BenDeetoy) July 21, 2016
HER: You look so nervous.— The Pale Rider (@truegritrumble) July 21, 2016
ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous.
HER: You're sweating.
ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture.
I'm standing outside in 100 degree heat selling raw loose hotdogs called "Pokémeat" and I'm making a mint here people!!!— ChowderPowder (@fartpowder) July 21, 2016
My mom is a ginger and my dad is Mexican. I guess what I'm saying is that I can only be killed by some elaborate, magical ceremony.— Mik (@pannuscorium) December 13, 2014
In the days before the PC police impounded our freedom, we ate Cheez-Hims or Cheez-Hers. That paprika-oleoresin was the taste of LIBERTY.— Gian D'Oh (@GianDoh) July 23, 2016
Excellent work, everyone.the new Ghostbusters ruined your childhood? Wait until you get a load of the Lion King reboot: The Dolphin Queen pic.twitter.com/WvSfrzrT6V— rachael 2.016 (@WookieOnUnicorn) July 24, 2016
|That's a bad touch, Donald.|
This year's RNC ticket is a fuckin misogyny Voltron— Sandra Allen (@sealln) July 17, 2016
Reports on the floor of #RNCinCLE state @DanAkroyd & @eddiemurphy are on the floor calling for sale of Orange Juice.— Will Whitson (@WillWhitson) July 18, 2016
Tip for RNC speakers-— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) July 19, 2016
Avoid any potential issues by starting each sentence with, "I believe it was Michelle Obama who said..."#RNCinCLE
I'd comment on this Melania Trump business, but honestly everything already has been said before.— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) July 19, 2016
"Hillary likes Lucifer! Bernie Sanders can summon Cthulhu! I am an actual brain surgeon!" -Summary of Ben Carson's speech— Joseph Scrimshaw (@JosephScrimshaw) July 20, 2016
No Sweet Caroline? Bet #RNCinCLE could get permission for the following:— puppits (@BunchOfPuppits) July 21, 2016
Loser - Beck
Friends In Low Places - Brooks
Asshole - Dennis Leary
laugh all you will at Ted Cruz for not giving in to Trump tonight, but God told Ted his mangina is a gift that should only be shared in love— beth likes death, so (@bourgeoisalien) July 21, 2016
They speakers at the RNC are getting crazier and crazier pic.twitter.com/TlU38Ze6xT— Freddy Scott (@freddyscott) July 20, 2016
And there you have it! Pretty groovy, no? Now, having been fully sated by a plethora of tweets, why not get out there and have a super-awesome week, will ya? And rest assured, there will be a DNC list next week, because judging from just what I've seen so far today, there's going to be a lot to choose from.The #gopconvention ending with "You Can't Always Get What You Want" playing is fried, perfect, 24-carat comedy gold. https://t.co/Qp8INhQhOz— Jacopo della Quercia (@Jacopo_della_Q) July 22, 2016
|Nothing more to add, really.|
Welcome back, Jon!
All the best,
Derek and Bosco