May 9, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

And we're back!

Hi, everybody! It's time for another thrilling list of thrilling funny tweets designed to delight and, of course, thrill you! Because, let's be honest; everybody needs a little lift now and again. To put it another way, sometimes you're the dog having fun on the trampoline, and sometimes you're this guy:

Ironically, he named the dog Life.
So, in an attempt to not be that guy (unless that's your thing...no judgements), let's get started.

Last week, Angry Orange started off his second one hundred days by claiming that the hundred days thing was just some arbitrary garbage that nobody cared about at all, like his tax returns and and his gutting of Obamacare and forcing-through of his bullshit replacement "healthcare" bill before the Congressional Budget Office scored it and his possible collusion with Russia to win the election and his staff potentially being infiltrated by those same Russians and possibly blackmailed with information gathered while illegally meeting with one of their guys but he ignored it and fired the woman who warned him about it because she had the outright nerve to refuse to enforce his illegal and unconstitutional Muslim ban and go around being a woman with opinions! You know--nothing major, right?

Well, it turns out that some folks were a tiny bit upset about all of that, and so much more, and they took to the Twitter Machine to vent about it.

But it seems that Stephen Colbert, formerly host of Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, and current host of CBS's The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, may have taken it a tiny bit too far:

Personally, I don't see the problem, but the FCC is looking into it. Odds are nothing will come of it, and it shouldn't. Colbert is a comedian. This is what he does for a living. And since when are they suddenly so sensitive? Aren't we folks on the Left supposed to be the "delicate snowflakes who need a safe space"?

Anyway, they are wanting their guys to boycott Colbert, which will work as well as it did for Kellogg's, Hamilton: The Musical, Starbucks, and whatever other silly-ass stuff they wanted to show who's boss. (SPOILER: It's not them.)

METAPHOR!
And not only is it Angry Orange that people are sick of; the rest of his trained monkeys are not faring much better.

Also, his pals in the House made a spectacle of half-assing their way to victory on their so-called healthcare bill. (Fun Fact: It still has to go to the Senate, and those guys have basically already said, "Fuck that shit. This is garbage. We're writing our own for you assholes to look at.")

So, basically, it's dead in the water. Again. But that didn't stop them from celebrating.

Idiots.

Dramatic interpretation of the Trumpcare Bill
As for myself, I was disappointed by the failure of things to meet my expectations in life.

And I tried to do my best in the kitchen, but it clearly wasn't good enough.

And, as always, I had questions...

But I got to see my son, Nigel, who drove up from Tennessee! We played with FaceApp. Fun was had. I was terrifying.

Nigel was in town on his way to go to his sister Vaughn's graduation from Michigan State University!

Shown here with her proud mom!
 That three years appear to have just whizzed right by, because it feels like it was only a couple weeks ago she was sending me texts to tell me she had been accepted by five or six or seven different colleges. (This originally said it took four years, but Vaughn corrected me. Besides, doing it in three years is even more impressive!)

Anyway, congratulations, Vaughn! I love you and I'm so very proud of you!

To be clear, she's the kid in this metaphor, not the car..
And then there were tweets! So I grabbed a handful and threw them over here! Enjoy!

And there you have it. Now get out there and have a great week. To help it along, I didn't grab a video this week. But let this dog on a trampoline be your inspiration!

Have fun, dammit!
All the best,
Derek and Bosco