August 15, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hi, everybody.

I'm going to be honest here; I really did not feel like doing a tweet post this week because, quite frankly, last week was a shitty one. It started with the threat of nuclear war, and it went downhill from there (is that even possible?!?), ending with the murder of a woman in Virginia who thought white supremacy is bad.

This woman, Heather Heyer, was murdered in an act of domestic terrorism,
by a white supremacist named James Alex Fields.
I spent most of the weekend being pissed-off, and getting even angrier when the man who is supposed to be our "leader" waited two whole days before addressing what happened, and when he finally did, it was the most tepid, half-assed response he could muster. It took two more statements and a lot of pressure before he had the sac to step up and say that these Nazi fucktards were bad. Two days went by before he said that. And it was plainly obvious to anyone watching him read his prepared statement from a teleprompter--mind you, this is a guy who has no problem attacking people off-the-cuff who disagree him, but he needs a written statement to say white supremacists are bad--that he did not agree with a single word of it.

And then, when he wasn't lavished with praise for finally saying what he should have said long ago, he threw a hissy fit on Twitter, blaming the media for people not being happy with his bland, disinterested delivery.

So, as I said, I didn't want to do a list this week. But then I realized that is what people like him and his base of disgusting supporters want. Not from me, specifically; odds are none of them know or give a shit who I am. What they want is for people like me--people who think that racism and homophobia and xenophobia are bad, and you should treat people like you want to be treated--to give up. They want us to stop talking about them. They want us to stop pointing out how astoundingly stupid and wrong they are, and using actual real facts to prove it.

Not gonna happen.

So, while I am absolutely certain my little cavalcade of dick jokes that I put out every week will have exactly zero impact on those who don't agree with my views, I'd like to hope that someone who thinks that everything has gone completely to hell comes by here and finds a little oasis of funny that gives them a small smile or laugh so they can keep going and find a better day coming.

*****

So, as I said, the week started with Angry Orange and Kim Jung Un waving their nuclear dicks at each other.

North Korea launched another missile, this one reportedly able to carry a small nuclear warhead far enough to possibly hit the West Coast. Reactions were varied, although not unexpected. Most sane humans were very concerned that a tiny Korean Millennial was willing to have his small country turned into a glowing mass of melted goop in order to try proving that he was a big boy, despite looking like a chubby lesbian 'tween.

Not Angry Orange, though! No, the man who avoided military service with five deferments because of "bone spurs" (which don't seem to stop him from enjoying a lot of golf) decided to say that the U.S. was "locked and loaded" if North Korea tried anything.

L'il Kim, not impressed, offered to fire one at Guam, a U.S. territory, to prove he has a bigger winkie than the blustery orange shithead (this is probably true, but that's not the point), and the orange shithead pushed even harder.

Fortunately, the guys who actually do the blowing up of stuff said, "Ehhh...We're not going to do that," and basically told Angry Orange to stop saying stupid shit, and things appear to have possibly cooled off a little.

That didn't stop some great reactions from the folks on Twitter, though.


There were a lot of other great ones, and I would suggest looking for them, I'd have added more, but I wanted this post to be less than novel-length.

*****

The middle part of the week was surprisingly quiet because Angry Orange was in New Jersey on vacation, ostensibly because the Oval Office was being renovated--no doubt, they were fitting it with ridiculous and pointless gold garbage to appease the giant baby-man who last week called the White House a "dump".

Oh, he claimed it wasn't a vacation, but when photos of him on his golf course there starting cropping up, he stepped up and called it a "working vacation". Whatever, dude. You were fucking off and we all know it.

It was so uninteresting, in fact, that I didn't even bother to grab any tweets about it.

And then the weekend came...

*****

Friday night, a bunch of tiki torch-waving KKK and Nazi and Aryan Brotherhood douche nozzles went to Charlottesville, VA, claiming it was to protest the removal of a statue of Confederate General Robert E. Lee. It should be noted that the statue's removal had been voted on by the city council, and it would have been moved from the park where it stood, to a museum.

So, a "protest" was organized in order to protect this "historical emblem of Southern heritage." (I just threw up in my mouth a little.) What it really was, as best as I can tell, was just another chance for those clowns to stir up some shit.

Emboldened by a "president" who cozied up to them, these dirtbags left their white hoods home, choosing instead to dress in the uniform of their hero: white polo shirts, khaki pants, Hitler Youth haircuts, and those stupid red hats.

Fortunately, that meant a lot of them had their pictures taken, and a guy who runs a Twitter account called @YesYoureRacist started posting those pictures, asking people to identify them and contact their friends, family, and employers. This worked quite well, and a number of them did, in fact, lose their jobs, and there's at least one whose family disowned him. Good times!

The lesson here is pretty simple:


If you recognize any of the people who haven't been identified yet, please let @YesYoureRacist know. Suck it, Nazis!

*****

The next day, the activities continued. Along with the death of Heather Heyer, 19 other people were injured when James Alex Fields plowed his car into a crowd of counter-protesters. Also, a guy named Deandra Harris was beaten with wooden planks and a metal post by a group of white supremacists not fifteen feet from the entrance of a police station.

But that doesn't mean the Nazis won:


When word came back to Angry Orange of stuff going on, he reacted exactly like I expected him to.


And that's when his own personal shitstorm started, culminating in being slapped down by retired Congressman John Dingell (from right here in Michigan).


Yes! A 91-year-old retired Congressman served a helping of "Go Fuck Yourself" to Angry Orange, and I believe his words!
*****

Over on Twitter, an account called @JuliusGoat posted a thread that you really should read all of. Please take a minute to do that. I'll wait.


*****

One last thing: Sometimes these guys only understand when their bullshit is turned right back around on them. A perfect example is the press conference where the asshat who organized the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville got so scared of the crowd shouting him down that he ran away like a little bitch.

Other times, mockery works.


You have a bigger arsenal to work with than they do, even without weapons. Do not let them take that away.

*****

Now...How about some tweets?

Despite the shitty beginning and end of the week, there were a lot of funny things said, and I grabbed some to show to you because that's just how my brain works. Let's have a look, shall we? In no particular order...


And there you have it! Now get out there and try to have a better week. Don't let these shitbags win.

I don't have a video this week, so I suggest finding one on your own to bring a smile to your face.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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