Welp, another week, another...er...seven days. I'll be honest; I almost didn't even bother with a list this week because there are just so many stories to write about. But I chose to forge ahead, because, if nothing else, I get to share some funny tweets from the great folks I follow on Twitter. And really, that's what this is all about.
Still, there's stuff happening, and I need to talk about it. I also want to reuse some of the Gary Busey and Nicolas Cage GIFs I've got laying around.
|Let the healing begin.|
Without a doubt, one of the funniest things I've ever seen. pic.twitter.com/mStah8zJBK— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) August 5, 2017
A lot of folks are speculating that the addition of General John Kelly--the new Chief of Staff brought in after Reince Priebus was given the boot--is what brought about Mooch's removal. I have my own theory, as do others.
To be fair, Mooch said he would fire ALL the leakers. And he DID leak that Priebus was going to be fired. Sooo...— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) July 31, 2017
One can only guess how the rest of the White House staff was reacting.
I guess we all know how Steven Bannon is gonna celebrate today's big news.— Jimmy Traina (@JimmyTraina) July 31, 2017
Yeah...That's...that's probably true.
|Or like this. We just...don't...know!|
Stephen Miller is like if Riff-Raff stopped doing the time warp and started doing reddit. pic.twitter.com/YPSsfUbzfl— Rafi Schwartz (@TheJewishDream) August 3, 2017
I'll bet he knows exactly what paint chips taste like pic.twitter.com/nYq32xEem1— Tim has issues (@LaptopShopWH) August 4, 2017
Personally, I'll stick with the Gump references. Go ahead and look at him and picture him saying, "Why don't you love me, Jen-nay?"
|Run, Forrest! Run!|
With Nieto, Angry Orange spent most of the call badgering him about saying that Mexico would not pay for the wall he wants to build along the border. And while Nieto kept insisting that, since Mexico had exactly zero intention of paying a single penny for it, Angry Orange kept demanding that Nieto had to stop saying that publicly because it was making him look bad.
Former Mexican President Vicente Fox has supported Nieto's stance very...enthusiastically.
Hey Trump, I'm watching this really bad reality TV show with low ratings called Survivor White House. I can't change the channel. Sad!— Vicente Fox Quesada (@VicenteFoxQue) July 31, 2017
President Obama is trending. Vicente Fox just got away with saying "we'll never pay for that fucking wall" on CNN. I like this day already.— Palmer Report (@PalmerReport) August 4, 2017
The call with PM Turnbull didn't go much better when Angry Orange started complaining about a bunch of immigrants that former President Obama had agreed to take here, provided they pass vetting--a point that Angry Orange did not seem able to comprehend. He also kept referring to them as "prisoners", which they were not. Basically, he didn't want to do anything that President Obama had agreed to. And when Turnbull tried calmly explaining things to him, Angry Orange basically hung up on him. Dick.
|You can't say that, Enrique! I've been saying you will pay for the wall!|
CNN: Grand Jury— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) August 3, 2017
MSNBC: Grand Jury
Fox News: Is zebras a kind of horse?
A few days ago pic.twitter.com/Gft86ZJ49J— Ian Sayre (@knifefighthero) August 3, 2017
Next week on Fox News, someone will just jingle their keys in front of the camera, much to the wonder and amusement of their viewers.
|They're SO SHINY!|
Comedian Patton Oswalt, who verbally bitch-slapped him a few months back when Shkreli started bad-mouthing both Oswalt and Stephen Colbert, responded, wishing him the best of luck in his soon-to-be new digs.
"S'up playas? I tell you guys how I bought that secret Wu-Tang album?"— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 4, 2017
*pummeled with battery-filled sweatsock* https://t.co/ylrjhhgM2t
I assume that this will be what Fox talks about when the grand juries hand down Angry Orange's indictments later this month.
|And now, to Sean Hannity, who will tell you why everything is completely fine...|
Sick of seeing so many unrealistic beauty standards for women in modern society pic.twitter.com/O4oeZfnghy— Kiss Me Kate (@KatieBurnett) July 25, 2017
Best way I have found to get over a crush is go to a party she'll be at, accidentally eat 3 LSD brownies & discover she's a spy for Sauron.— Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez) March 26, 2017
A group of Bostonians is called a chowda.— Trusted Shoe (@Trustedshoe) August 2, 2017
Gritty reboot of The Giving Tree. pic.twitter.com/tCOdpSRqsr— Abby Normal (@MrsTomServo) July 30, 2017
how to tell if summer is almost over:— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) August 2, 2017
•flowers are heading south
•the beach is almost out of sand
•saw someone eating a pumpkin at Starbucks
Relationship Status: Motorboating a bucket of fried chicken breasts while I shout my ex's name.— Lisa Marie (@xLiserx) August 4, 2017
too late for sorry sue, you know my lactose intolerance causes me to shit through the eye of a needle... pic.twitter.com/e97z5JYJ0w— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) July 31, 2017
I just karate chopped through 17 pop-tarts.— Thrill Hicks (@ThrillHicks) August 5, 2017
COME SAIL AWAY COME SAIL AWAY COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME pic.twitter.com/LmLxI1CPdX— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) August 3, 2017
And there you have it! Now get out there and have a great week! And to help that along, here's a helpful bit of advice from Garfunkel and Oates!
All the best,
Derek and Bosco