Well, it's been another week, and what a rollercoaster over at Survivor: The White House! But before we get to that, I just wanted to tell you that this week's GIFs are all about Spider-man (including a few friends).
Today in Trump— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) July 25, 2017
-refers to "17 years of Obamacare"
-boasts of Electoral College win to Boy Scouts
-confirms covert CIA program
Things got weirder (and a little bit sadder) when Senator John McCain, while being treated for a blood clot, discovered that he is also suffering from brain cancer. And while I have a lot of respect for Senator McCain--the guy is one of the few Republicans who actually had enough balls to go into the army during the Vietnam war, he was captured and tortured, and still made it back to the U.S. to become the senator for Arizona--I also disagree with a lot he says. However, I wouldn't wish cancer on my worst enemy, so I want to send my best to him.
John McCain mustering the strength to cross the country & strip health care from millions is like some kind of fucked up reverse Make-a-Wish— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) July 25, 2017
John McCain left hospital stay paid by taxes on flight paid by taxes to remove health insurance from taxpayers. And we paid him to do it.— Shannon Watts (@shannonrwatts) July 25, 2017
That said, during his government healthcare-insured trip to be treated, he made a special effort to come back to Washington so he could vote on taking away government healthcare from the rest of us with yet another attempt to repeal and replace Obamacare. But not before he gave a long, badgering speech to the rest of the Senate, telling them to quit being so mean to each other and start working together. Then he voted in favor of the Republican-written bill. Fortunately, several Republicans decided that, no, it was not a good bill.
|He obviously didn't understand the irony of this whole venture...Or did he?|
See, it turns out that Angry Orange hired a new communications director, a walking example of every terrible Italian stereotype out there named Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci.
Spicy wasn't happy about this new hire, and he also decided that he'd had enough of being told he sucks, so he gave his resignation, so he can spend more time lying to his family.
Mooch, on the other hand, was thrilled that he was going to get a chance to be in the presence of power! He went on television to let everybody (Reince Priebus) know that he was going to stop all the leaks coming out of the White House, regardless of where they come from. (Reince Priebus.)
When word got out to New Yorker writer Ryan Lizza that Mooch had dinner with Angry Orange, Melania, and some friends from Fox, Mooch was not happy, so he contacted Lizza and, forgetting to mention that the conversation was "off-the-record", proceeded to go off on almost everybody (Reince Priebus), including Steve Bannon, about whom he said, "I'm not Steve Bannon, I'm not trying to suck my own cock." He also said he would fire everybody (Reince Priebus) if Lizza didn't tell him who leaked the information to him.
Then he offered up a leak of his own, which, uh, sort of means he had to fire himself, right?
“They’ll all be fired by me,” he said. “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly.” The issue, he said, was that he believed Priebus had been worried about the dinner because he hadn’t been invited. “Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channelled Priebus as he spoke: “ ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ” (Priebus did not respond to a request for comment.)Lizza, amused and probably a little concerned for his life after talking to this foul-mouthed guido, dutifully reported on the entire conversation. It's a fascinating read. I highly recommend it.
Naturally, Twitter handled these revelations responsibly.
How many times can this guy claim that something he said on the record was "leaked?"— John Iadarola (@johniadarola) July 28, 2017
It's cool how the communications director of the White House doesn't understand how talking to a reporter works.— Jason Kaplan (@Siriusjay) July 28, 2017
WIll @PolitiFact give us a ruling on the WH Communications Director's statement about WH adviser Steve Bannon?— Christopher Hayes (@chrislhayes) July 27, 2017
Scaramucci definitely starts the day by eating a bunch of cocaines. Like all of the cocaines.— Jeff Drake (@hatethedrake) July 28, 2017
Also, in a stunning surprise, Chief of Staff Reince Priebus was fired. Nobody could have seen that coming.
|Twitter and the press react to Lizza's article.|
Fixed the headline for y'all:— Tennesseine (@Tennesseine) July 26, 2017
"Draft-dodging sniveling coward @realDonaldTrump won't let trans heroes do job he was too chickenshit to do"
Unfortunately, just yelling on the internet with poor grammar doesn't actually make things happen, despite what he seems to think. The Pentagon informed the various branches that, no, that's not a thing that is happening, and everybody should just proceed as normal, because when you are stuck in a firefight against an adversary that wants you to just go ahead and die, if that's okay, the last thing you will be worrying about is whether the person next to you might not identify as the gender they were born to.
|SHOWN: The inside of Angry Orange's head.|
Much was made about McCain's vote, despite him voting in favor of the previous bill. McCaskill and Collins were pushed to the side, despite both of their votes being equally as important as McCain's, at the very least. Not to mention that they were threatened with violence (including a duel!) and cuts to funding for their states. Oh, and nobody cared that all of the Democratic senators voted against it, because that's a no-brainer.
News: John McCain saved healthcare!— keith (@tchrquotes) July 28, 2017
Me: There were also 2 women rep-
News: JOHN MCCAIN
Me: Susan C-
News: HERE'S THE MOMENT HE CAST HIS VOTE
As we argue over who’s the bigger hero, McCain or Collins & Murkowski, let’s remember:— Ben Wexler (@mrbenwexler) July 28, 2017
all they did was THE SAME THING *EVERY* DEMOCRAT DID
So McCain, who appeared to be in good spirits, despite his medical condition, went out of his way to make sure he was the center of attention for the whole thing.
|Get outta here, old man!|
I miss the creepy clowns in the woods.— Just Bill ❄ (@WilliamAder) July 26, 2017
I miss the good old days, when everybody argued about what color some dress was.
|It's blue and black!|
No1 It's white and gold!
Pro tip on submissions for comic books... spelling is absolutely IMPORTANT. It's the difference between "superheroes" and "superherpes". 👌— Peter Simeti 💬 (@petersimeti) July 23, 2017
For most, bikini season lasts a few short summer months, but I catch enough & store them so efficiently I can eat bikini all year round.— Frank Whitehouse (@WheelTod) June 17, 2016
I gave my son my old dreamcatcher & now he's having recurring nightmares about having a threeway with phoebe cates and E.T.— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) July 26, 2017
Godzilla attacks Legoland and steps on a Lego Army tank. Sobs & limps off into the ocean, never to be seen again.— Lisa Marie (@xLiserx) December 23, 2016
Rise up, my Pumpkin Head Army, let's go punch stuff. pic.twitter.com/39RR1kT4jT— Mrs. Fitz (@PFitzpa) July 27, 2017
I'm trying to eat more local foods.— Hill (@Beamo23) February 18, 2017
Just yesterday I found some
Ben and Jerry's in my neighbor's fridge.
Wasn't sure how to accessorise gladiator sandals for a night out, but I think I nailed it with this net and trident.— Cam (@GinAndJif) July 9, 2017
I can almost always tell when movies don't use real dinosaurs.— ♡twistedprincess♡ (@chryztl) March 11, 2017
Listened to a John Mayer song on purpose and cringed so hard that I now have scoliosis.— Robyn Vo (@robyn_vo) July 28, 2017
And there you have it! Now get out there and have a great week! And to start it off, here's comedian Mario Cantone on The President Show!
Good job, everybody!
Derek and Bosco