Black Christmas (1974)

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Nothing, and we mean nothing, says Christmas like watching the beginning of Margot Kidder's descent into alcoholism and insanity while a middle-aged chubby woman aggressively brushes her teeth and "professional virgins" get suffocated with plastic bags.

That's why, for this week's installment of #HolidayMoviepalooza, Derek, Jake and Larry watched 1974's Black Christmas. Not only does it have all of that, but it also features David Bowman from 2001: A Space Odyssey beating up a piano, Olivia Hussey being hot, and John Saxon being a cop!

Shown: John Saxon not being a cop in Black Christmas.

Surprisingly, despite having all of that, as well as being directed by Bob Clarke (the same guy who directed Porky's and the beloved classic A Christmas Story), very little happens in this movie. And when anything does, it happens in the most uninteresting way possible. Why, you ask? Well, you'll have to listen to hear the guys' theories about that...

Derek is very upset by the hats this film expects the viewers to accept. Chamber pots, a weird mushroom-looking thing, a dog food dish...All of these are placed on people's heads without any explanation, and we are expected to just deal with it!

Nothing as dignified as these appeared in the film.

Jake is angered by the lengthy shots of 70's-style home furnishings and the supposed piano master that plays like his fingers are broken and he hasn't bothered to, you know, learn to play or anything.

And the only horror Larry experienced was in realizing that he had chosen this movie for the guys to watch. There was a brief moment of terror when the Mrs. Garrett lady looked like she was going to get naked, but it didn't happen, so everybody made it through. (Though they were all saddened that Olivia Hussey didn't get nekkid.)

"I think I'll go put on more clothes..."

There's also a bunch of movie news in The Lobby, as well as a few new flicks Coming Soon. And make sure to hear the newest edition of Walken in a Winter Wonderland! Listen now! Before Olivia puts on a parka or something!