December 17, 2014

Trapped In Paradise

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It's that time again! But this time, Derek's stupid work schedule kind of put the screws to the other guys. So he decided to call in a stand-in crew: Tonya Mehler volunteered to step up, as did the first ever Ugly Couchcast guest, Brooke Cooper! And they all chose to sit down and watch the Nicholas Cage, Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz holiday vehicle, Trapped In Paradise...And, boy howdy, did they regret it...

"Trapped"? Yes. "Paradise"? Not so much.
In an attempt to show off his comedy chops (this was pre-Ghostrider, mind you), Nic Cage is Bill, the most responsible of three completely and utterly irresponsible criminal brothers. His brothers, Dave (Jon Lovitz) and Alvin (Dana Carvey, sounding like a mildly mentally-disabled Marlon Brando), are released early from jail due to overcrowding, and they immediately convince Bill that he's wanted for robbery and that they should go to Paradise, Pennsylvania to hide out...And rob a bank while they're there. That's right; Dave and Alvin are the smart ones.

"You're kidding me, right?"
Needless to say, everything goes wrong for them, and they end up running up against the people of the small town, almost all of whom treat them with a disturbing amount of kindness, with the exception of Sarah, who happens to be the daughter of a guy Dave and Alvin knew in prison.

"Aren't you the guy who is afraid of bees and punches women in the vajay-jay?"
"Yeah, that's me!"
Derek is angry about the pacing of the movie. Really angry. Like, punch-a-hole-in-a-wall angry. It moves soooooo slooooooowly...This fourteen-and-a-half hour movie could have been cut down to a three-minute SNL sketch.

Tonya was also bothered by the pacing, although not as much as Derek, because she managed to sneak a small nap in without missing literally anything, so she doesn't feel it was a complete loss. Also, she's concerned about Dana Carvey's choice of the voice he used. Seriously, it's like Marlon Brando doing an impression of Popeye.

"I'm gonna make him an offer that I yam what I yam..."
Cooper is deeply concerned that, despite having just watched the movie, she can remember almost nothing at all about it. The assumption is that her brain, in an attempt to save her, started destroying any and all mental images related to the film, replacing them with pictures of cats wearing funny hats.

There's also some movie news, a serious discussion about whether or not turning The Hobbit into three movies was a wise choice, and another thrilling edition of Walken in a Winter Wonderland!

So hurry up and download this episode! And get ready for next week's #HolidayMoviepalooza finale (sorta...We'll explain that in a second): The Star Wars Holiday Special!


Yes, next week technically means the end of our #HolidayMoviepalooza series. (Not including our commentary of It's a Wonderful Life.) We will, however, be doing Elves after Christmas, because Jake really wanted to see it. And, after having the plot laid out for them, so did Derek and Larry. So that will be the last Christmas movie we'll be watching until next year.