June 24, 2015

Alien From L.A.

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And now it's time for another thrilling episode of Here Be Spoilers!

In this week's episode, the guys sat down to watch the classic Kathy Ireland vehicle, Alien From L.A., which inspired one of the funniest Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes ever. (Seriously...we highly recommend checking it out.)

Alien From L.A. is the story of a mousy, nerdy Valley Girl named Wanda Saknussemm. She is a dull, uninteresting teenage girl who is afraid of everything, and can't even keep her boyfriend, Robbie, who may or may not actually be Johnny from the Cobra Kai, happy.

NNNNERRRRRRRRRRRD!
Wanda is stuck in a dead-end life, hanging around on the beach with her friend Stacy, and whining about how unfair it is that absolutely nobody loves her, including her father. Aside from Stacy, Wanda's only perceived real friend is the other waitress from the restaurant she works at, who may or may not be Geena Davis in her role from Beetlejuice.

Finally, some sex appeal!
After receiving a letter from a mysterious source in South Africa that tells her that her father has disappeared, Wanda faces her fears and hops on a plane to go and find him.

Within minutes of arriving, she finds a portal in a closet (no, really) that takes her to...the center(?) of the Earth (maybe), where she meets Gus, a miner who takes her to the mysterious lost city of Atlantis, which appears to be populated by Australians for some reason. Gus gets her some clothes so she fits in, and they head out in search of her dad.

"Like, jihad...and stuff!"
Along the way, they meet a wacky (you're welcome, Jake) cast of nutballs who look like the result of a first-year cosmetology school for the blind experiment, including (possibly) a female version of Johnny Winter, a crackhead version of Lisa Bonet, and a Joe Pesci/Divine test tube baby.

Everything I wanted to know about dating, I learned from Bill Cosby.
Will Wanda find her dad? Why does Robbie end up dating Helen Slater's character from The Legend of Billy Jean? What the hell is up with Wanda's voice? All of these questions will be answered, but not in any satisfying way that will make you hate this movie any less.

Derek is annoyed by the ongoing trend of taking a stunningly hot girl and slapping a pair of glasses on her to indicate that she is now a hideous troll without any chance of finding a place for herself in human society.

Jake is dumbfounded by the casual way in which it is explained that the people of Atlantis came to be there in a spaceship (from outer space!), and then is never mentioned again, as well as numerous other plot points that could have been expanded on, but never were.

Larry is deeply upset by the Pesci/Divine hybrid's eyelashes, as well as the various costuming choices of the various denizens of Atlantis. It's like Duran Duran's video director got knee-walking drunk and started playing with a Fashion Plates set.

Wardrobe by Tomy and Jack Daniels!
So tune in and listen to the guys ramble in confusion about the alcoholic fever dream that is Alien From L.A.!