Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Holy crap-on-a-stick! What a week, right? Let's recap really quick, if that's okay. If not, feel free to skip ahead to the actual tweets themselves, but know that Bosco is silently judging you.

First and foremost, the Supreme Court heard a case involving a few different states (including my own home state of Michigan), concerning same-sex marriage. And, in a 5-4 decision, they decided that banning people who love each other and just happen to be the same gender from getting married is unconstitutional, thereby allowing all fifty states to begin issuing marriage licenses for gay couples immediately. Naturally, the people who claim to be in favor of "traditional" (aka "one man and one woman"--ignoring the part about how the woman is required by the Bible to be a virgin; and if she isn't, she is supposed to be executed) completely lost their shit, and in one case, a minister threatened to set himself on fire if it was allowed. (He later claimed that he didn't mean he was actually set himself on fire...More of a symbolic sorta thing.) That seems a bit extreme to me, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Artist's rendering of Justice Scalia registering his vote on the matter.

At any rate, to all of our LGBT friends out there, congratulations. Go get married or something. And enjoy yourself!

In other news, there has been a lot of pressure to retire the Confederate flag because of, you know, the whole slavery connotation. The push began in South Carolina, after a mouth-breathing, racist, white trash hillbilly took it upon himself to murder nine innocent people at a church down there in an act of flat out domestic terrorism. I'm not going to put the guy's name in here, because fuck that asshole. But when he was arrested, he admitted that the whole thing was concocted to start a "race war", and photos surfaced of him waving a Confederate flag, as well as burning a U.S. flag.

These events opened up a new dialogue about the purpose of the Confederate flag, which was originally used as a battle flag during the Civil War. Of course, a lot of folks in the South are insisting that there is no reason to take down the flag because "RACISM? What the heck are you talkin' 'bout? It don't got nothin' to do with racism! It's 'bout heritage! And the Civil War wasn't about slavery! It was 'bout states' rights!" This, of course, ignores the fact that among those "rights" they were fighting for included the right to own human beings as property simply because they are brown. When this is mentioned, most of the flag defenders cover their ears and yell "LALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" and then shoot stop signs with their shotguns. (I'm guessing about that last thing. But I bet I'm not too far from wrong.)

The flag apologists took a pretty serious hit when the governor of South Carolina and even Mitt fucking Romney came forward and said, "Yeah, maybe take it down." Sick of waiting for government red tape, activist Bree Newsome climbed the flagpole at the state capitol and took it down herself Saturday. Good for her!

The most awesome finish to a Capture The Flag game EVAH!

Anyway, the Twittersphere still managed to make with the funny among all the awesome activism and celebration, and I've managed to grab a few of their tweets to share with you. As always, if you dig them, follow these funny folks! They're great!

And now, in no particular order...

Wife: "Why didn't you clean the house?" "I..uhh..." "And why are you crying?" "I...uhh..." "You watched Armageddon again, didn't you."

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) June 22, 2015

The worst dressed Hardy Boy has to be Ed.

— Steve Mieczkowski (@IGotsSmarts) June 22, 2015

I once ran into Kid Rock at an Applebee's and 3 days later my cousin had my baby on the hood of a Dodge Ram.

— Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) July 25, 2014

a pet dog is just the ticket if you're longing to make soulful eye contact while you sit on the crapper

— India Løvenskiold (@AnemoneOh) June 24, 2015

I was just reminded that Bruce Willis recorded an album and that it featured a top five single. We have a lot to answer for as a culture.

— John Scalzi (@scalzi) June 26, 2015

Who wore it better? pic.twitter.com/5ktICgeVJa

— jamie (@gnuman1979) June 27, 2015

If you bump into someone at the grocery store and say goodbye, there's a 99 percent chance you'll see them in every single aisle after that.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) June 20, 2015

If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten; Unless you're angry about oxygen and numbers.

— Colo Chive Runner (@ColoChiver) June 23, 2015

My top 3 favorite revolutions would have to be the Russian, the French, and the Dance Dance. But obviously not in that order.

— Mantej Singh Rajpal (@mantej) August 8, 2014

listen global warming is a scam *penguin fixes his fake mustache* ocean levels are rising bc of dumb whales ever heard of water displacement

— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) June 27, 2015

And there you have it! Here's to another hopefully awesome week! And to get you moving in the right direction, here's a classic Barenaked Ladies video that will really make you think: "Be My Yoko Ono"...

All the best,
Derek and Bosco