Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Well, this was not the best week ever in the real world. But we're not going to get into that. There are people more qualified than I am to discuss the whole thing, so I'm going to leave it up to them. Not surprisingly, while politicians went out of their way to avoid saying what needed to be said, a comedian made the best and most intelligent statement about the whole thing, and I highly recommend that you go listen to Jon Stewart's comments about it. And that's all I'm going to say.

Meanwhile, over on the Twitter machine, people were incredibly funny, and God bless 'em! And naturally, as this past weekend happened to contain Father's Day, there was an underlying theme to a lot of it.

"I'm disappointed."
"Hi, Disappointed! I'm Dad!"

However, I actively avoided grabbing any of those for this week's list because, let's face it; Dad jokes are awful. Sure, we laugh at them, but only because they are so painfully corny.

So, without further ado (or at least as little ado as possible), let's look at some non-Dad funny from the people who are way funnier than I am! In no particular order...

If you have an 80's movie on in the background you can just look over when the saxophone music plays because there will be tits.

— Chad Opitz (@chadopitz) June 14, 2015

do zombies poop, and does having poop filled pants slow them down?

— Cap'n G'nap (@capgnap) June 16, 2015

Pulled a 12 inch piece of string out of my dog's ass this morning. Worst. Magic. Trick. Ever.

— Tony (@Tmoney68) June 7, 2015

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

— Sam Delanche (@SamDelanche) May 29, 2015

As I'm one of Britain's leading ornithologists, here's a guide to some birds you might see in your garden this summer pic.twitter.com/SFQ5U0xRM7

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) June 8, 2015

Monkey: "We're not so different" Me: "Did that monkey just talk to me" Monkey: "Monkey noise" Me: "Did it just say 'monkey noise'?"

— Hooglese (@DillDoes) July 28, 2014

I hate when I get my man-boobs stuck in my accordion.

— AmishPornStar (@AmishPornStar1) June 14, 2015

John Elway looks like the type a' dude who stares too long at a 13 year old in a bikini

— Trillenium Falcon (@czechtwice) June 20, 2015

Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.

— Erica (@SCbchbum) March 21, 2015

Top 3 reasons monkeys might go extinct: 3) climate change 2) habitat loss 1) jumping on the bed

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2015

And there you have it! And now, let me once again push somebody else's podcast on you. This is one of my favorite episodes of Beyond Belief, from the fine folks over at The Thrilling Adventure Hour. It stars Paul F. Tompkins and Paget Brewster as Frank and Sadie Doyle, respectively. They are alcoholic socialites who also happen to be able to commune with spirits of the non-bottled kind, as well. Give it a listen. You'll thank me. It's all audio, but totally worth it.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco