To begin with, the first of an estimated 8,437 debates in the GOP Clown Car Clusterfuck-O-Rama happened. And, as there are something like 613 current candidates vying for the top spot, things were a bit convoluted. So much so, in fact, that this first debate had to actually be split into two separate debates, with only the top ten candidates getting to appear in the prime time debate. And, not especially surprisingly, Donald "You're All Stupid Losers" Trump and his hair ruled the day, despite threatening to run as an independent if he doesn't get treated "fairly". (TRANSLATION: "Only softball questions from MEN, because I don't want top get attacked by Megyn Kelly's vagina-rage.")
|"Yo, Jeb!, Imma let you finish, but I just wanna say your brother was the|
dumbo dumbest stupid dumb dummy of all time!"
|This year's big surprise: Walt Disney's reanimated corpse made an appearance,|
sporting this snazzy bio-suit that keeps him fresh!
But here, on the interwebs, there were loads of funny happening over on Twitter, and I grabbed some of it to convince you that you should totally go over there and follow these funny folks. (And any others you happen to be amused by!) So let's have a look, won't we?
In no particular order...
I choose my underwear each day based on how likely I am to have sex. Today Im wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway— Dru (@dru0887) September 29, 2014
one time aliens abducted me and did brain surgery and I asked em to take out the sad parts and they did and also they put a baby in my butt— Dave Ditell sucks!! (@davedittell) August 10, 2015
The gluten-free granola bar I brought in my lunch today just looks like bird seeds glued together with hate.— Catherine Cerveny (@catcerveny) July 29, 2015
Me: Your generation sits around with their noses in their phones Niece: Your generation made the guys who wrote the Macarena rich Me: ...— Rickneedspizza (@rickolantern) August 10, 2015
Naming an airport after Ronald Reagan is a bit like naming a teen beauty pageant after Roman Polanski.— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 12, 2015
First act as President: Guy Fieri's hair is legally considered a hate crime.— Jack Barton (@JackTayBarton) July 8, 2015
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.— eXtraterresticals (@Theilluminati80) August 14, 2015
I was one of the best air guitarists until I got addicted to air snorting cocaine.— Sarcasticsapien (@Sarcasticsapien) February 18, 2015
I'm peruvian... My whole country was conquered by 17 spaniards... Of course I'm going to give up trying to built this chair from IKEA— Mind if I interject? (@gianni_bcn) March 5, 2015
"You're the reason we have warning labels on chainsaws saying 'Do not stop with your genitals!' "— NoContextGames (@NoContextGames) August 15, 2015
And there you have it! Pretty groovy, no? If nothing else, it's a great way to start your week. And to add even more awesome sauce to your Monday, here's another fun clip from the recently cancelled Wits. (It really was a great show, and I'm gonna miss it.) It features Kristen Schaal as Darth Vader!
All the best,
Derek and Bosco