Anyway, what a week! Lots of fun and weird stuff happened, including the Foo Fighters "Rick-Rolling" the Westboro Baptist Church. (You know; the "God Hates Fags" assholes who protest at people's funerals because...I dunno...they're shameless media whores...?) Seriously, is there anyone out there who doesn't think Dave Grohl and his fellow band members are goddamn superheroes?
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| ♪♫There goes my here...Watch him as he goes!♫♪ |
But enough sad stuff. Let's get to the funny!
Twitter, as usual, was freakin' hilarious, and, as I am wont to do, I grabbed a few of them to make you laugh, and maybe even convince you to join us over there on the Dark Side. It's good fun! For example...
At the moment of climax, I look like Nicolas Cage and sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger
— POOPSCRUFFIN4U (@POOPSCRUFFIN4U) August 16, 2015My career as a karate instructor was tragically curtailed when parents found out I was wholly unqualified & just enjoyed kicking children.
— Frank Whitehouse (@WheelTod) October 10, 2014*sprints into room*
Quick! How many apples a day keep the doctor away?
"What?"
TELL ME!
*doctor kicks down door and revs chainsaw*
— Topher Writes (@Iwriteforcats) August 15, 2015In retrospect it was odd that Jared from Subway's catchphrase was "You'll love the way our bread feels on your penis."
— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) August 19, 2015— Rich Lowtax Kyanka (@lowtax) August 20, 2015
It's sad when you trace your genealogy only to learn you have no astronaut monkey ancestors, but instead evolved from the circus variety.
— Skinnie Talls (@SkinnieTalls) June 29, 2014My people have over 350 words for "meat sweats"
— Eldge (@Sickayduh) March 31, 2015I just want to be rich enough one day to name my kid after an Australian mammal or something found in my spice rack.
— Idle (@Mindless4Miles) August 19, 2015Maybe if you knew Garfield's parents were murdered on a monday by anti lasagna activists you wouldn't be so judgmental.
— Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) August 14, 2015GIRL: Do you think dogs take on their owners' traits?
ME: [sees my dog devour a whole pizza and then hump the box] it's possible
— Vegan Zebra (@VeganZebra) August 21, 2015And there you have it! Did you laugh? You did, didn't you? Then get on over there and join us! Follow these people! Follow other funny ones! If you're desperate for cheap dick jokes, follow me! It's fun!
So get out there and have an awesome week, little buckaroos! And to kick it off, and in honor of the Foo Fighters being awesome and funny, here's one of my favorite videos from them that proves both:
All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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