Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Is everybody sobered up from St. Patrick's Day by now?

I'd like to hope so, but just in case, I'll type as quietly as I can while I'm doing this.

Now, I know that I said I wasn't going to talk about Trump anymore, but I have to mention the ongoing problems that are cropping up at his rallies.

First, there's been a lot of hostility from the audiences on both sides. So many protesters have shown up at these dog-and-pony shows that the police have had to get involved, and pepper spray has been liberally (no pun intended) and enthusiastically deployed. However, the protesters have, as far as I have seen, remained non-violent.

Trump is blaming Sanders supporters for the violence at his rally because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a Jew for your problems.

— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 13, 2016

On the other side, Trump's supporters have been extremely hostile toward those protesters. One guy was arrested for straight-up cold-cocking a man who was peacefully leaving the rally. And then he was caught on video saying something like, "Next time, we may have to kill him..."

No! Bad racist douche canoe!

Another protester was attacked this past weekend. And it's not just the people who are there to see Trump; his campaign manager is getting in on the violence, shoving people, grabbing a "journalist" that works for Breitbart. Donald has apparently decided he is unstoppable and can do whatever he wants.

Fear not, soulless ginger, for help is on the way!

Unfortunately for him, a CNN poll released recently says that both Bernie Sander and Hillary Clinton will defeat him soundly, should he receive the GOP nomination. So there's that to look forward to.

Aardvark endorses Bernie Sanders, "he talks like I talk" pic.twitter.com/xaCwL2oPiN

— Ⓜ️øshēēn (@OB2ce) March 20, 2016

Meanwhile, while actively avoiding all this political stuff, I've been checking out other stuff. F'rinstance, I absolutely recommend that you read my friend Abby's story about a particular St. Patrick's Day where she went to extremes in the name of justice. Sort of.

Gather 'round, comrades. I'm gonna tell you about the St. Patrick's Day I bit a girl's phone in half. https://t.co/EqAPKghGak

— Abby Normal (@MrsTomServo) March 18, 2016

She's small, but terrifying! Plus she plays the accordion! Be afraid...be very afraid...

Buh-RING it!

And now, let's us go look at some tweets from the Twitter, shall we? Of course we will...In no particular order...

That, good sir, is motherfucking piffle

— Clowndro (@clowndro) March 15, 2016

hey want a gluten free organic non gmo fauxberry muffin
grandpa: [looking up over newspaper] when i was young we had to eat sand

— Jhorts (@JhonRules) March 15, 2016

9yo: I'm nervous for my presentation

Me: Just be yourself

9: *starts wildly pelvic thrusting and opens Mine Craft..

K

M:Try less of that

— ⓛⓐⓜⓔ ᗪᗩᗪ™ (@jergarl) March 13, 2016

the struggle is real pic.twitter.com/NfEqdc4FVL

— POOPSCRUFFIN4U (@POOPSCRUFFIN4U) March 17, 2016

Don't tell me gender oppression isn't a thing. I was told today by a *lady* that I couldn't be a wet nurse

— Cody Hammond (@cody_hammond) March 15, 2016

[Whispers from the back, as Jesus feeds the multitudes]
"Red Wine..with Fish? What's this guys fucking problem?"
"Don't make a scene, Frank"

— Ben Gibson (@Phil_Oshite) January 25, 2015

The heart says yes.
The brain says no.
The elbow asks since when can we talk?
The penis is yelling something, but it's muffled.

— Rob (@motrboatr) March 15, 2016

I think Kanye is that Nigerian prince from all those e-mails.

— dadnipzz (@dadnipzz) February 16, 2016

My stepdad Terry tried to breakdance fight me outside the PF Changs, so when he takes a nap, I'm going to make a voodoo doll of him.

— Danny Charnley (@DanKCharnley) March 19, 2016

... and when he asked why I did it, I told him I believed in democracy. pic.twitter.com/T6XzP86Efd

— Brianna Wu (@Spacekatgal) March 20, 2016

And there you have it!

Now, before we go to this week's video clip, I want to wish everybody a Happy Zombie Jesus Day next weekend. Up until recently, I was totally unaware of what the Easter Bunny had to do with Jesus supposedly being resurrected. Then Jake explained it to me. It turns out that the rabbit is associated with a pagan goddess name Eostre. I was so shocked, I did a doubletake.

And not just because giant, anthropomorphic rabbits terrify me.

And so, here's to a great week and an awesome Easter, and to help you along with both, here's another clip from Impractical Jokers featuring Sal, who is a germophobe who is terrified of animals.

Now get out of here, and don't eat too much Easter candy.

Especially those robin's eggs...Not a fan.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco