Welcome to week two of Multi-Movie Madness, where the guys discuss piles of related movies, all in one go!
This week, they sat down to talk about the George Lucas/Steven Spielberg/Harrison Ford quartet of Indiana Jones movies. And what a weird conversation it was.
|Although, unlike these two, Derek, Larry and Jake were wearing pants|
during their conversation.
Raiders, of course, started the whole thing. And, as exciting as this movie is, it should be noted that almost everything, short of the opening sequence that is so iconic, almost everything in this movie could have happened without Indy there, and others would have been safer.
|The only major difference is that this big German guy wouldn't have|
kicked Indy's ass.
|This guy's masturbation sessions would have a whole different feel|
to them, for instance.
|Frenchy LaFoofoo would have gone home, smoked tiny cigarettes, and|
fathered several equally French children to make his family's shitty wine.
|Come on, buttcheeks! Stay together!|
But hey, she knows how to wear a tight, cleavage-showing dress, so she's in!
|Here she is, preparing to ruin a simple religious ceremony. She's|
a headbutt-to-the-groin of a person.
|And kinda murdery.|
The Thugee also stole a village's Sankara Stone, and Indy wants to steal it back, but only so he can take it home and become famous and stuff, because, as we all know, archeology groupies will do anything (and we mean anything) for a glimpse of a rock that looks like a baked potato with fork grooves carved in it!
|If you like your archeologists sweaty, covered in filth, and looking confused,|
have we got somebody for you!
|And it goes swimmingly.|
|Dad? Dad, is that you? I want you to meet Elsa...|
|But Indy's not totally innocent on that count himself.|
By Crystal Skull, it looks like the creators of these films had realized the same thing, so they put together this wreck of a film, and then they stuffed Shia LaBeouf in there, and dragged Marrion back into it!
|Fun Movie Fact: Indy was all up in this.|
|They're just as confused and scared as you are, folks.|
|You see, there should be a brain in there somewhere, Dr. Jones.|
There's no need to go into the story at all here, because you will forget it literally moments after you read it. It's that silly. Suffice to say, it's inter-dimensional beings. There. We saved you a rental.
Derek is bothered by the fact that our hero is a shameless criminal. And he does not mean just stealing items from the tombs of dead kings and whatnot. Indy is a murderer. He is a kidnapper. A lady puncher. (Although, it could be argued, this is a genetic trait he picked up from his father.) And, worst of all, he is a pedophile. It's all right there, and it's disturbing as fuck.
Jake hates the bluescreen in these movies, but then concedes that he is nostalgic for it in Crystal Skull because they did all the effects in that digitally. It doesn't feel the same. He also defends Last Crusade to those who have turned on it since it first came out. The others will back him up on this: It's still a great flick. So shut up about it.
Larry is worried he'll be fired because he remembers almost nothing about Last Crusade, and thinks it didn't feel like an Indiana Jones movie. But not to worry; he won't be fired. He will, however, have to sit under the desk while Bosco takes over his chair. (Bosco knows how to appreciate a good Sean Connery performance in a fun movie.)
So get your man purse and whip, and tune in for this week's episode!