Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Okay, guys...We made it a week without a major star passing away. Good job. Unfortunately, there was a loss at Casa de Derek, and I feel I have to get it out of the way right at the top.

Friday, I got a new chew toy for Bosco. He was, understandably, pretty excited about it. I tossed the toy, which was shaped a bit like the cat from Itchy & Scratchy, to him, and he immediately started gnawing on it and giving me puppy dog eyes so I would throw it. This was at about 12:31 AM, after I got home.

By 10:15 the next morning, Squeaky Cat the chew toy was no more. He will be missed.

I gave Bosco a squeaky cat toy last night at 12:31am. By 10:15 this morning, Squeaky Cat was no more. pic.twitter.com/Tas7HBwaDP

— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) April 30, 2016

But now, to other stuff, won't we?

(Note: This week's animations have absolutely nothing to do with anything I'll be writing, but I found them amusing, so I decided to use them anyway. F'rinstance...)

See? Pointless. And yet, still funny.

Anyway, it's been an interesting week. And, as always, I spent a good portion of it discovering new things out there in the real world. (I spend a lot of time out there to make sure nobody goes and moves stuff around when nobody's looking. It's a free service I provide for humanity. You're welcome.)

One thing I discovered is that YouTube.com doesn't understand irony.

YouTube disables audio on John Cage's "4'33" (via @JennySampirisi) pic.twitter.com/IQh52wt02O

— Eric Schmaltz (@eschmaltzzz) April 21, 2016

If only they would disable the audio for...I dunno, almost every song that has come shooting down the tubes in the past, say, ten to fifteen years. Except, of course, instant classics such as "Smell Yo Dick"...


And some of the more entertaining covers of others' music...


But everything else...Yeah, go ahead with that.

Again, this has nothing to do with anything.

I made another discovery this week about Arby's. It appears they have some sort of gyro thing going on, and they're on sale. That's fine; I enjoy a nice gyro as much as the next guy.

What I had a problem with, though, is the sign they put together for advertising this sale.

The sign in front the local of @arbys says "Greek Meatcraft". That sounds like the worst role playing game ever.

— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) April 28, 2016

Now that I think about it, I might actually be willing to play that RPG, but only if it comes with that cucumber sauce stuff...

Quit looking down here.

So! What about some tweets? There were some awesome ones over on Twitter this week, and that made it really hard to thin it down to just ten. But, for better or worse, these are the ones. Dig it!

First, they came for our jobs... pic.twitter.com/4WV0h93DNg

— Mededitor (@Mededitor) April 24, 2016

Me: Hey, I'm here for the playdate.

Her: Where's your son?

Me: Oh he didn't want to come, but you said Billy had Star Wars Legos so..

— Obi Jawn (@ThaJawn) April 27, 2016

I'm not sure anyone's ever taken me to Pound Town. I've been to Meh Village, and Minute Man City. Nice places, the tours are pretty short.

— Angie Davis (❤️Peen) (@Adar79Angie) April 25, 2016

I hate when I wake up and I'm awake.

— Marta Effing Ketchup (@MartaEffing) April 27, 2016

"You're not getting fatter, you're dismantling patriarchal standards of beauty," I say, lifting a third cupcake to my mouth. "Girl power."

— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) April 28, 2016

One of my students found out that while I teach during the day, I'm a comedian at night. She said "You're just like Batman! Only sadder."

— Tom Grossi (@tomgrossicomedy) April 12, 2016

I've compiled a loyal strike team of indigenous 6yos and have cargo pants full of jolly ranchers if you want to do this the hard way Jeff

— Seamus O'flaugherty (@seamussaid) April 30, 2016

Terry Crews and I would hang out and talk about how genetically inferior I am and Old Spice

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) April 30, 2016

Stand by your man was a #1 song everyone. A song about women staying with a cheater and cooking him stuff because he's stupid was a #1 song

— Brent (@Brentweets) April 24, 2016

I rub my boyfriend down with lotion every night. He thinks I care about his sore muscles. I can't wait to wear his skin.

— I'm Not Crazy (@YouStillLoveMe) April 27, 2016

And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome week. And to start it along, here's some 8-Bit Cinema Star Wars to look at.

Take care, and watch out for falling cars.

Okay, that was a reach, but it is the only one that is connected to any of the text.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco