Well, another week, another steaming pile of tweets to leave in your eyeholes! Cool, right?
|Admittedly, not as cool as Powdered Toast. But still cool.|
F'rinstance, a new Ghostbusters trailer came out last week. And, as expected, tiny-penised misogynists across the globe whined about it like the strong female-fearing wimps they are.
Speaking for myself, as well my cohorts in movies, Jake and Larry, those people can consume a big ol' bag of dicks. We're looking forward to the movie. If you're not, don't go. You will not be missed.ME: A xenophobic misogynist madman might be president.— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) May 18, 2016
THEM: Don't care, they remade a movie I liked as a kid in a way that bothers me.
|Please remember to rinse after that bag of dicks.|
Trump did release a list of potential replacements for the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.
It did not go over well.Trump SCOTUS picks:— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) May 18, 2016
(random Trump son)
Ally McBeal (yuge with the ladies)
|This is a reminder to vote in November.|
I'm having a hard time believing the song "Superman Got Nothing On Me". Can you fly, Charlie Puth? Deflect bullets? I think not.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) May 20, 2016
Go ahead...Tell me I'm wrong. I'll ignore you and have a bath.I'm more inclined to believe Adam Levine actually has "moves like Jagger". That's basically just finger guns and walking like a chicken.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) May 20, 2016
|It's important to be clean inside and out!|
So, naturally, I felt I had to do something about that.Me drinking water. Don't photoshop this please. Thanks. pic.twitter.com/nLgDMBBBft— Jim Norton (@JimNorton) May 22, 2016
Twitter because there were a ton of really funny ones. But, for better or worse, these are my ten.
The Oxnard comma is when a really heavy guy at Denny's takes a breath between each word whilst ordering his breakfast.— Mr. Bea Arthur (@FuckabillyRex) May 16, 2016
Deleted my bucket list instead of my grocery list and now the only things I have to look forward to in life is Cocoa Puffs & a can of Lysol.— Bonez (@T_Bonezzz_) May 17, 2016
True love is never asking why I want to make a video of you sticking your dick in a pudding cup & describing it to me - in detail this time!— Tater Tot (@darkmatter_wimp) May 6, 2016
As a kid, I bought candy cigarettes at the comic book shop and now, whenever I even see a comic book, I can't help but eat a cigarette.— I AM A DAN (@theDanLawler) May 18, 2016
[Starbucks]— Ygrene (@Ygrene) May 18, 2016
Barista: Latte for Zelda!
Link: Ugh, mine
B: Coffee for Metroid!
Samus: *tsk* Mine
B: Tea for Mario!
Luigi: YES ITSA ME MARIO!
"Not only can I not see, I can't move in this thing, at all" - Me as Iron Man, before stumbling into an open manhole & drowning in the sewer— Mike (@MikeOdenthal) May 18, 2016
Amazing what they'll let you do in Costco when they think you're Mrs. Costco, of the Costcos. Rode an employee like a pony. What a day.— Angie Davis (??Peen) (@Adar79Angie) October 21, 2013
Gave this NYC restaurant a second chance. Still awful. pic.twitter.com/KLl0KJzvWL— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) May 20, 2016
"NOTHING worse than having diarrhea."— Corky Kneivel (@CorkyKneivel) May 19, 2016
"Except having it in a jar on your desk 'as proof', Carmen."
And there you have it! Now get on out there and have a great week. And to help it along, here's a listen to the first single from The Monkees' new album...Fun prank: Devote your life to finding your doppelgänger then arrange for them to show up at your funeral and shout "that man's an imposter"— Dave (@T_N_Crumpets) May 16, 2016
Oh, and maybe spend some time with family.
|Cut me some slack. I had an extra .gif left over...|
Derek and Bosco