|So you've got that going for ya...|
AAAGH! A half-melted wax figure of Rhea Perlman has become posessed by a demon and come to life! AAAAGH! pic.twitter.com/Od4FLu9QuF— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) May 3, 2016
Thank you, guy down the street who angled his TV so any passerby can see what specific porn you are, presumably, cranking your hog to.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) May 3, 2016
But I also managed to find time to help a company with a slogan suggestion...
New sales slogan idea: "From our nuts...to your mouth." https://t.co/WO3HD6Ccjw— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) May 7, 2016
And even considered venturing out into the real world to actually speak to people.
I don't know many of my neighbors, BUT SOMEONE HAS A BOUNCY HOUSE IN THEIR FRONT YARD TODAY AND I WANT THEM TO BE MY NEW BEST FRIENDS...— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) May 7, 2016
I didn't...but I seriously considered it.
|WHY DIDN'T I GO?!|
A few days ago, in an attempt to appeal to the Hispanic and Latino voters out there who have almost no interest whatsoever in voting for him, he posted the following tweet:
Needless to say, a few of those Hispanics and Latinos felt that he really didn't mean it, probably because of the look on his face, and also because he basically made it a commercial for his own business. Dick.
Anyway, Twitter responded appropriately.
TRUMP: *dumps taco bowl in trash* Now bring me the tray of fried chicken and watermelon so I can show everyone how much I love the blacks.— Ray (@SirEviscerate) May 5, 2016
holy shit pic.twitter.com/zJGcHSRGqa— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 5, 2016
But that's not all!
|Don't tweet angry!|
Ted Cruz's final statement. pic.twitter.com/8CLyFQqkHq— Rudolph King III (@WorldBThree) May 4, 2016
So, with the way clear (except for the minor obstacle of being completely and totally unelectable), Trump is on his way to going head-to-head with Hillary Clinton, or possibly even Bernie Sanders, who is still fighting the good fight.
|In this example, Hillary could be Woody Harrelson,|
and Bernie could be Bill Murray. Or vice versa. I think.
It's total garbage that breakfast in bed is considered loving, but covering them in warm soup until they wake up is "grounds for divorce"— beth likes cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) May 2, 2016
[cat sets down his briefcase, takes off his hat]— It's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) May 13, 2015
Cat: Honey, it's come to my attention that they're anthropomorphizing us on the internet
"Sir? Excuse me, sir? Sir? Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior, Cthulhu?" pic.twitter.com/rFUxBApCRk— Captain Underpants (@RealCaptainU) May 4, 2016
Wouldn't it be so depressing if Rick Astley did eventually give her up? After all that— Sunny Mabrey (@SunnyMabrey) May 4, 2016
In honor of Star Wars day today, I cut off my son's hand and kissed my sister.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 4, 2016
At the Ministry of Forbidden Jokes, I am led past a door marked 'Updog'.— Sad Affleck Fan (@aka_fatman) May 4, 2016
I say nothing.
Behind a one-way mirror my handler nods, impressed.
Pulled open a blanket and a billion unpaired socks fell out, like the world's most disappointing piñata.— db (@findmydolls) May 3, 2016
BULLY: Want a Hertz donut?— t-shit weather (@Jeff_G_Nixon) May 31, 2015
[bully hands him donut]
DOCTOR: [to grown up kid] you have diabetes
BULLY: hurts, don't it?
Report: Pizza Hut announces new pizza delivered by car made of pizza. "Why won't you make us stop?" the pizza chain was heard muttering.— Commander Justice (@CommandrJustice) May 8, 2016
It's hard to find shorts that fit. They look ridiculous, and my chicken is very unhappy.— Smoochie (@TySmithdrums) April 24, 2016
And there you have it! Now get out there and have a super awesome week! To help it along, here is yet another clip from the guys at Impractical Jokers:
All the best,
Derek and Bosco