The Brain That Wouldn't Die

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This week, the guys sat down to watch an MST3K classic: The Brain That Wouldn't Die, featuring Jan in the pan!

Stop it! It wasn't funny the first time!

Dr. Bill (Jason Evers) is one of those weirdo experimental doctors. When his father (Bruce Brighton) loses a patient during brain surgery, Bill takes matters into his (and his father's) own hands. He insults Dad a lot and then makes him massage the heart while Bill plugs an electrode into the stiff's brain, bringing it back to life.

Having brought someone back from the other side, Bill proceeds to dry hump his fiancee in front of his father, who complains that it won't be fun to watch anymore once Bill and Jan (Virginia Leath) are finally married.

Until then, though...Boy howdy!

When a call comes for Bill from his assistant Kurt (Anthony La Penna) "at the country place," Bill rushes Jan into his car so they can speed to the country place in order to find out what the problem is.

Unfortunately, Bill is almost as bad at driving as he is at not being a total dick to his dad, and he crashes the car, getting thrown from it himself, and decapitating Jan.

Undeterred, Bill collects Jan's head and jogs to the country place, where Kurt, who has a funky hand that looks like it is made of a monkey paw coated with gravy skin, tries to warn Bill about the thing in the closet, but Bill is too distracted due to Jan's head being not connected to a body, but instead is wrapped in his best sports coat. A temporary fix is quickly assembled.

But she's not about to stay quiet about it, so...

As far as a long-term plan, Bill slowly comes to the conclusion that, aside from maybe using Jan as a doorstop, his best bet is to find her a new body to glue her head to. So he goes on the hunt, looking for someone with a body similar to Jan's. (That is, a female body...The rest is optional, because Bill's no prude.)

His first stop, naturally, is a bar where what we think are supposed to be exotic dancers stroll around with a bored look on their faces, shimmying with the minimal amount of effort, in an attempt to maybe get a few drinks out of someone.

Oh, my poor fiancee! Oh, woe is m--Saaaaay...

After his first attempt fails, Bill takes another cruise around town to try and find a new body for Jan, who is getting pretty cranky by now, probably because her neck juice is past its sell-by date. She has also made friends with whatever the heck it is in the closet, and the two of them have turned to terrorizing Kurt, who really just wants a normal hand.

HEY, YOU GUYS!

Man...Everyone in this movie is messed-up...

While Bill is trying to convince a woman he went to school with that he can fix the scars that left her relying on the kindness (and money) of strange, creepy dudes with cameras, Jan convinces the thing in the closet to attack Kurt at feeding time, and it goes off surprisingly well, with the monster ripping off Kurt's good arm.

Really?! Are you shitting me?!

Bill brings the girl back, unaware of what happened, and begins the process of drugging her drink before heading downstairs to make sure Jan's head hasn't escaped or been carried off by a confused hawk. Then he finds Kurt.

The monster attacks, Jan laughs, everything burns, and the viewer is left unsatisfied.

Larry loves this flick, even going so far as to admit that it's in his regular rotation. Weirdo. But he is willing to admit that the quality of acting could have been better.

Jake thinks it's funny, but not worth watching more than once, unless it's without the MST3K riff, in which case even once is too many. He's also concerned about potential weird sex stuff happening to Jan's severed head.

Derek is not at all happy with this movie, and he says so. He also thinks that all the characters are awful people. And he wonders about whether Jan's attitude would change after having a new body. Oh, and he manages to hypnotize both Larry and Jake by making them look at this:

LOOK AT IT!

There's also a bunch of fun news in The Lobby, a few movies the guys actually know stuff about Coming Soon, the best of the worst in Larry's List, Jake-ing Off over some fantasy stuff, and questions about sequels that were better than the movies that spawned them Inside My Head.

So pour yourself a nice casserole pan of neck juice and tune in to this week's episode!