Atomic War Bride

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Well...It happened again. The guys honest-to-goodness tried to sit down and watch The Undertaker and His Pals. They really did. Unfortunately, technology was not about to let something like that happen without a fight, so it made sure that Derek's copy only lasted about ten minutes, a large portion of which was taken up by having three guys drive their motorcycles around in a circle about eight thousand times.

Anyway, rather than face the freezing cold Michigan January, they voted and decided to move on to the next title on the list, once again saving The Undertaker and His Pals for next week's episode. (Derek would just like everyone to know that he feels this is some sort of sign that maybe they shouldn't watch it. The other guys, however, are not backing down. We'll see what happens.)

And so, that's how the guys ended up watching a Yugoslavian film called Atomic War Bride. (The original title is RAT, which we are told means "WAR" in its native language.)

Nothing about this makes sense.

Atomic War Bride is a busy film from 1960, and it covers the morning and afternoon of John Johnson's wedding day. As best as we can tell. He is getting ready to marry the lovely, and possibly underaged, Maria. They're all in love and junk.

John is confused because the tree is slightly more emotive than Maria.

But before he can even think about that, he first has to have an extended debate with his friend about how much a small flower has grown since the day before, get apartment decorating advice from his neighbor, be harassed by a paperboy, and see a parade.

Again, this is a very busy movie.

The wedding sorta happens, wars break out all willy-nilly, people get all blown-up or drafted, other people die, the president visits, peace is declared, and atomic bombs are dropped.

Worst. Wedding day. Ever.

And, as is usually the case, the guys are upset about stuff.

Jake is deeply troubled by the "camouflage" section of the basic training because of possible gun damage.

My god! He turned into a tree! He must be some kind of crazy wizard!

Derek is terribly concerned about the basic training, as well, but more because of the trigger finger exercises.

Look out, nose!

And Larry was incredibly upset by this shot of a cow apparently being actually, really for real MACHINE GUNNED BY A FREAKIN' PLANE:

WHAT TH-...? WHO...? DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?!

(To be fair, Derek and Jake were pretty upset about it, too. But Larry was really upset by it.)

The guys also watched the short animated film Duck and Cover, which features exploding monkeys and a turtle named Burt! And there's movie news, coming attractions, Larry's Top Ten, (as well as Derek's Top Ten Rebuttal), and the return of the world-renowned Nicholas Cage-Off!

So shut up and tune in! It's fun!

NEXT WEEK'S MOVIE: The Undertaker and His Pals (and we really, really mean it this time!)