*****HAPPY NEW YEAR!*****
Hey there, gang! A new year, and a shiny new episode of Here Be Spoilers to cram into your earholes!
As one final nod to the guys' #HolidayMoviepalooza, they sat down to watch 1989's Elves, a film that rivals Steel Dawn in the high levels of confusion and anger it generated among the crew.
Oh, sure, it "stars" Dan Haggerty of Grizzly Adams fame as a burned-out, possibly retired detective (he smokes a lot)...
|One of only three non-smoking pictures I could find.|
|Seriously...This is the "monster" of this movie. That's his expression the whole time.|
A group of "anti-Christmas" girls accidentally summon the elf while performing an unspecified ritual, and one of them spills her own blood on the ground. The main girl's (fake Rosanna Arquette's) grandfather is a cranky wheelchair-bound German guy, and her mom looks like Debbie Harry. Dan Haggerty starts the movie as a jobless guy who appears to have been evicted from his travel trailer, and then goes to work as a department store Santa Claus. Sneaking into the department store late at night causes these two lunkheads to team up and fight the Germans (who may or may not be trying to protect the girl), and Haggerty gets to shoot at people.
|The NRA sponsored this product placement.|
|"GIMME ALL YOUR CIGARETTES! NOW!"|
There's also some interesting discussion about Sam Raimi, the rumored upcoming Star Wars standalone Han Solo film, Larry's List, and odd facts about Hitler. (Did you know he came up with the idea of the blow-up doll? That is messed up.)
So tune in and dig on the weirdness of Elves! And Happy New Year from all of us at The Ugly Couchcast and Here Be Spoilers!
NEXT WEEK: The Undertaker and His Pals. (Finally!) See you then!