I can’t believe it’s Christmas again ALREADY, I only just finished eating LAST year’s tree.— Avery Edison (@aedison) December 25, 2016
Nana just dropped the F bomb.— CandyWhore (@CruisinSoozan) December 25, 2016
It's officially Christmas.
Home Alone is my favorite Christmas movie because every year I fantasize about my family abandoning me during the holidays— paperwash© (@PaperWash) December 25, 2016
Me: Dad what is this.....?— Aidan Van Nest (@aidanvannest) December 18, 2016
Dad: A "Menorah-saurus". I made it. pic.twitter.com/j9VMHGr99o
On Canadian Boxing Day people can choose to fight anyone they know and the loser has to pay for the donuts the rest of next year.— Allan Mott (@HouseofGlib) December 26, 2016
|My holidays were fine. Thanks for asking.|
In no particular order...
Before all this PC malarkey if things got out of hand & you murdered a prostitute it was all settled with a clip round the ear from your dad— Frank Whitehouse (@WheelTod) February 26, 2016
The year is 2032— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) December 9, 2016
-a can of craft beer is president
-the US flag has emoji on it
-my bank still won't let me cry my way out of overdraft fees
Found a family photo of Steve Buscemi's relatives pic.twitter.com/KcZu3HlS1D— Chad Opitz (@chadopitz) December 27, 2016
I think I could karate punch my stepdad Terry’s stupid ponytail off, but that would mean getting close to his dangerous thumb-rings.— Danny Charnley (@DanKCharnley) May 12, 2015
Not to brag, but virtually every snapshot taken of me over the years would make a really exceptional “before” photo.— Charlie Kadoo (@CharlieKadoo) January 12, 2016
Visitor: What'll you be when you grow up?— Emo Philips (@EmoPhilips) February 15, 2016
Home-schooled Lad: Agoraphobic!
Proud Mom: Would a kid his age in public school know that word?
I think it's pretty obvious that Peppermint Patty is the best rage fucker in the game.— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) December 27, 2016
Sext tip- Never lead off with "baby I wanna put my murder stick in your front butt"...— Dave (@pittdave13) December 22, 2016
I told my wife that I felt a little weird being the only guy at Lamaze class. She said, "Is THAT where you've been for the past two hours?!"— Joel Vanderheyden (@vanderheydensax) October 28, 2016
Dog Park— Lisa Marie (@xLiserx) December 18, 2016
Kid: What's his name?
Me: Dorito. He's a therapy taco. Don't pet him.
Taco:*Chases it. Lettuce flies everywhere*
And there you have it! A good start to the New Year. Now get out there and make it better than 2016 was. That shouldn't be too hard. But to get you in the right frame of mind, here's this song:
All the best,
Derek and Bosco