Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, guys! How were your holidays?

I can’t believe it’s Christmas again ALREADY, I only just finished eating LAST year’s tree.

— Avery Edison (@aedison) December 25, 2016

Nana just dropped the F bomb.
It's officially Christmas.

— CandyWhore (@CruisinSoozan) December 25, 2016

Home Alone is my favorite Christmas movie because every year I fantasize about my family abandoning me during the holidays

— paperwash© (@PaperWash) December 25, 2016

Me: Dad what is this.....?
Dad: A "Menorah-saurus". I made it. pic.twitter.com/j9VMHGr99o

— Aidan Van Nest (@aidanvannest) December 18, 2016

On Canadian Boxing Day people can choose to fight anyone they know and the loser has to pay for the donuts the rest of next year.

— Allan Mott (@HouseofGlib) December 26, 2016

Oh...Um. Okay.

My holidays were fine. Thanks for asking.

So what say we dispense with the formalities and just get on with some tweets? And, as always, if you dig what you read, get over to Twitter and follow these greats folks!

In no particular order...

Before all this PC malarkey if things got out of hand & you murdered a prostitute it was all settled with a clip round the ear from your dad

— Frank Whitehouse (@WheelTod) February 26, 2016

The year is 2032
-a can of craft beer is president
-the US flag has emoji on it
-my bank still won't let me cry my way out of overdraft fees

— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) December 9, 2016

Found a family photo of Steve Buscemi's relatives pic.twitter.com/KcZu3HlS1D

— Chad Opitz (@chadopitz) December 27, 2016

I think I could karate punch my stepdad Terry’s stupid ponytail off, but that would mean getting close to his dangerous thumb-rings.

— Danny Charnley (@DanKCharnley) May 12, 2015

Not to brag, but virtually every snapshot taken of me over the years would make a really exceptional “before” photo.

— Charlie Kadoo (@CharlieKadoo) January 12, 2016

Visitor: What'll you be when you grow up?

Home-schooled Lad: Agoraphobic!

Proud Mom: Would a kid his age in public school know that word?

— Emo Philips (@EmoPhilips) February 15, 2016

I think it's pretty obvious that Peppermint Patty is the best rage fucker in the game.

— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) December 27, 2016

Sext tip- Never lead off with "baby I wanna put my murder stick in your front butt"...

— Dave (@pittdave13) December 22, 2016

I told my wife that I felt a little weird being the only guy at Lamaze class. She said, "Is THAT where you've been for the past two hours?!"

— Joel Vanderheyden (@vanderheydensax) October 28, 2016

Dog Park
Kid: What's his name?
Me: Dorito. He's a therapy taco. Don't pet him.
Kid:*Throws Ball*
Taco:*Chases it. Lettuce flies everywhere*

— Lisa Marie (@xLiserx) December 18, 2016

And there you have it! A good start to the New Year. Now get out there and make it better than 2016 was. That shouldn't be too hard. But to get you in the right frame of mind, here's this song:

All the best,
Derek and Bosco