Once in a generation, a movie comes along that portrays the horrors of war so starkly, and changes the landscape so completely, that we can never look at the world the same way again.
And then there are movies like Starship Troopers, which do none of that, but it's still a fun way to kill a couple of hours.
|Coincidentally, the same about of time it takes these lunkheads to boot up.|
Rico and Carmen are madly in love at the high school they attend with Carl and Dizz in Buenos Ares, because they are obviously South American. Carmen is planning a career in the Federal Service as a pilot, and Johnny is planning to follow her into the service so he can get a crack at her goodies. Unfortunately for him, he's kinda stupid, so he gets sent to the mobile infantry. Carl, on the other hand, is super psychic, so he gets shipped off to some secret project where he reads brains and stuff. And then there's Dizz...
|Sweet, neglected, smokin' hot Dizz...|
Johnny manages to impress his commanding officers enough that they give him a squad of his own, which he promptly loses after getting one of his men killed. So bad are things that Ace (Busey) gets the squad leader position, and Johnny gets a serious whipping (not a metaphor) in front of the entire base.
Thusly embarrassed, Johnny makes plans to head home to Buenos Ares, until an asteroid, launched from the alien planet of Klendathu, wipes out the entire city, including his parents. Turns out the reason there is a Federal Service is so humans can fight the bug-like creatures of Klendathu, who appear to be just defending their own planet from the interloping humans who have set up bases in their space.
|Just a regular, bloodthirsty arachnid, trying to make its way through life.|
Carmen, meanwhile, is off learning how to fly spaceships with Zander (Patrick Muldoon), a Sportsball player that Johnny faced off against when they were in school. While learning to work the stick in space (heh-heh), Carmen, who has now broken up with Johnny, is also working Zander's stick, if you know what we're saying.
|Zander, as you can see, is a Rob Lowe knock-off.|
Johnny and the rest of the space marines (it's more futuristic when you add "space" to the front of it) head out to check on what is believed to be a Mormon outpost on another planet, only to discover that it was actually a military spying outpost, which has been attacked by the bugs, and all the people have been killed, with the exception of General Owen (Marshall Bell), who informs them all that the bugs have a way to get inside humans' heads and control them. They want more information, but before they can ask, the bugs attack again.
|It's a trap!|
Johnny is once again put in charge of the squad, and he leads the ground assault on Klendathu, which does not begin well. Nor does the coverage up in orbit around the planet, be cause the ships get all exploded by farting lightning bugs, and only Carmen and Zander can escape before their own ship goes up in flames.
They crash their escape pod through the ground and into the bugs' cave, where Zander gets his brains sucked out by a space vagina with a straw built in.
|So that's what they look like...|
|And can they stop Dr. Jones from stealing the Ark of the Covenant?|
Larry had not been able to make it all the way through this movie until this viewing, and realized just how wrong he was to bad-mouth it last week. He's really sorry. Also, he is really into the blood and gore used here.
Jake has been a huge fan of this movie since he first saw it with his brother. He attributes this to his love of Paul Verhoeven movies and bugs that look like scary spider vaginas. (This also goes toward why he enjoyed Godzilla's Revenge so much.)
Derek picked this flick, and he does not regret it one little bit. He will watch it again with great relish. He also thinks Dizz is the hotter of the two female leads, and he cannot understand what Johnny saw in Carmen.
So polish up your jackboots, put on your armor, and listen to this week's episode!