January 11, 2017

The Goods

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Sometimes you just have to move the metal, ya know? And this week, that's exactly what the guys are doing, because they sat down to watch 2009's The Goods, starring Jeremy Piven,Ving Rhames, James Brolin, David Koechner, Kathryn Hahn, Ed Helms, Jordan Spiro, Tony Hale, Ken Jeong, Rob Riggle, Alan Thicke, Charles Napier, Jonathan Sadowski, Wendie Mallick, Noureen DeWulf, and Craig Robinson. What a cast, right? But that doesn't even cover some of the great cameos that show up.

And yet, for some reason, this movie is not very well liked. Why?

Eye strain from all the forced perspective shots intended to make Piven look normal-sized?
Don "The Goods" Ready (Piven) and his team (Koechner as Brent, Rhames as Jibby, Hahn as Babs) are mercenaries...Car-selling mercenaries. And they get a call from Ben Selleck (Brolin), whose car lot in Temecula, California, just isn't moving the metal, and that's bringing the dealership closer to being shut down. Don and his crew accept the job and head out, ready to sell some cars.

When they arrive, they meet Ben, who develops an immediate attraction to a completely disinterested Brent. Don starts crushing hard on Ben's daughter Ivy (Spiro), and Babs wants to get naked and do stuff to Peter (Riggle), Ben's ten-year-old son with a thyroid problem that has made his body develop to the size of a full-grown man's.

This is way more disturbing than Ben's fascination with Brent.
Once the team is made comfortable, they meet the dealership staff and start executing their plan, which involves advertising, booking a musical act, an inflatable gorilla, forcing through credit approval, lying about the car prices, and hiring a DJ. (The brilliant Craig Robinson as DJ Request.) The whole time, Don is trying to get closer to Ivy,but she is engaged to Paxton Harding (Helms), a guy with a $44 haircut and a"man band" called Big Ups. (It's like a boy band, but older.)

Derek refuses to call them by that name.
Additionally, Paxton and his father, Stu (Thicke), want to buy the dealership from Ben and turn it into a rehearsal space for Paxton's man band. Don refuses to let that happen, insisting that, with his team's help, they can sell all of those cars and make sure the dealership stays in Ben's hands. A bet is made, with Don offering to leave the mercenary business and get out of town if they can't sell all the cars on the lot, and Paxton will get the dealership for a rehearsal space. Both Stu and Ben agree.

The big day comes--the first of three over the July 4th weekend--and sales are brisk, with the staff moving over seventy cars. A big celebration ensues, and Babs tries to bed Peter, despite being told repeatedly that he is, in fact, only ten.

That shit ain't right, yo.
The second day brings problems. First, the commercial Don has Ben make convinces everyone that he is dying ("I got cancer of the nads..."), so the only people who show up are mourners with casseroles and fruit baskets. Undeterred, Don believes that the musical celebrity they booked--Bo Bice's brother Eric--will bring in the buyers. Unfortunately, they never find out, as Eric cancels due to adult chickenpox. One of the salesmen, Richard Lewiston (Napier), starts a riot and the police are called. And it's all narrated by DJ Request, who refuses to take requests.


Again, Don is unfazed. He and Ben use the news reporters covering the riot to advertise the discounts they plan to give to the police (or anyone wearing a police hat, or anyone who even says the word"police") for being heroes and stopping the riot. It works, and more cars are sold! (You're not even surprised a little bit, are you?)

Another celebration ensues, and this time Jibby hooks up with a stripper who was hired as a greeter, Babs continues to try to have sex with Peter, and Ivy finally gives in to Don, which is nice and all, until the next morning when she informs him that it was all just a one night stand before she marries Paxton.

Reasonably upset, Don storms off into the desert and finds a junkyard, where he has a vision of McDermott, his old friend who died in another sales stunt back in Albuquerque, Mew Mexico. (The Q, Duke City, Captain Kirk...)

It was a very strange stunt.
McDermott tells Don that he needs to get off the road and settle down. But first, he's got to sell those cars...

But will he? You'll have to watch to find out.

Derek didn't remember seeing this before, but apparently, he did. He really liked it, and he believes these are the kind of movies Will Farrell should be making. (Farrell is a producer on the film, along with Adam McKay.) He also wonders why Jeremy Piven can't get more comedic lead roles.

Larry picked the movie, so it's pretty clear he liked it. He  is deeply disturbed by Babs' obsession with Peter, but he's totally into Babs herself. He also thinks that McDermott was brilliant. And he was.

Jake is also concerned about Piven's inability to carry a movie, as well as why this film is so disliked. (Check RottenTomatoes.com's rating.) It is genuinely funny, and it deserves a second look. Also, Craig Robinson's character should get his own movie.

So put on your suit, shine your shoes, and listen to this week's show!