November 12, 2014

The Wraith (aka "Shut Up, Jake!")

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Just when we thought Steel Dawn was the be-all, end-all of 80's movies, Jake showed up with 1986's The Wraith (or Wraith The, if you read the title card normally) neatly tucked under his arm.

It "starred" Charlie Sheen, Nick Cassavetes, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid, and one of the guys' favorite character actors, Clint Howard as "Rughead".

"Dinsdale?!"
THRILL! To a guy who may or may not have actually been actual Charlie Sheen (though probably not) wearing an actual costume that actually hides his actual face!

"Dinsdale!!!"
SNORT! As Nick Cassavetes slowly morphs into a haggard Rick Springfield, Sherilyn Fenn turns into Kirstie Alley, and Charlie Sheen, for one brief moment, turns into Ron Weasley!

GLANCE! At your watch as you wonder how much more of this you will have to sit through before you see boobies! (Two-thirds. The answer is two-thirds.)

REVEL! As Rughead suffers from eating one of Burger Boy's "special" burgers!

"DEAR GOD! IT'S LIKE ANGRY BEES IN MY COLON!"
YAWN! As, once the internal rectal storm has passed, Rughead airs out his favorite thong!

"One day I will meet a girl who will fit into this better than I do!"
Also, there's a bunch of cars and ghosts and shiny lights and they-don't-know-what-all because none of the guys were really paying that close attention to whatever the hell was going on. Jake is annoyed by the lack of Charlie Sheen in this Charlie Sheen movie, Derek wanted to punch the stupid ending in its stupid face, and Larry wants to know whether Jon Cryer will be replacing Charlie Sheen in a reboot, if that ever happens. (It should.)

There's also another thrilling edition of The Nicholas Cage-Off (with its own theme music!), entertainment "news", Larry's new Top Ten segment, and a frank discussion about what Jake's first screenplay will be about, should he ever get around to writing one. Plus some exciting news about #HolidayMoviepalooza!

So what are you waiting for? Download the new episode now!

NEXT WEEK: The Undertaker and His Pals! (You can watch it for free on YouTube!)
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November 9, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey there, gang! What a week, huh? It's finally starting to get cold, there were midterm elections in which the Democratic party lost its control of the Senate, Macaulay Culkin was pronounced dead on Facebook (don't worry...He's not really), and the rest of the normal world spent the beginning of the week either trying to avoid a sugar coma from eating their kids' Halloween candy or trying to pry their kids off the ceiling because of it.

Myself, it was a pretty good week. We (Jake, Larry and myself) recorded one of the funniest podcasts we'd done in a long time after an extended hiatus due to my computer issues (we also just recorded one today that's even funnier which will be up Wednesday), and I started planning out my third Holiday Moviepalooza. (More on that later.)

But before I get into any of that, let's have a look at the fine, funny people on the Twitter machine, shall we? And, as always, if you find these folks funny, join Twitter and follow 'em! Or find other funny people! Or both! Look, do I have to explain everything to you?

Anyway, in no particular order...


And there you have it! Pretty groovy, yes? I certainly thought so.

Now, as I mentioned earlier in this post, it's almost time for #HolidayMoviepalooza again!

The way it works is, every year, starting on Thanksgiving Day, I watch one holiday movie each day, until Christmas Day. (By "holiday movie", of course, I mean Christmas, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan...Any of those end-of-the-year-holiday-type-things.) There will be classics, such as A Christmas Carol. There will be funny ones, like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Action movies will be watched, like Lethal Weapon. (Look, we went over this last year. Is is too a Christmas movie. If Die Hard  and  Gremlins can be classified that way -- and they will also be seen -- so can a movie where a pre-racist Mel Gibson is a cop...on The Edge!)

This year will be my third or fourth time doing this. But this year Larry and Jake from Here Be Spoilers will be watching the movies, as well. Joining us for several of the movies will also be my girlfriend Tonya. (You may remember her from last year's Christmas Eve Self-Pity Extravaganza.)

As it's still in the planning stages, I can't really offer more information just yet. There will be updates in the upcoming podcasts leading up to the start of the whole thing, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, why not start your week out by watching four minutes of Nicholas Cage freaking out a lot? (NSFW)


All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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November 5, 2014

The Creeping Terror

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Oh, people...The guys had a real winner this week, and it was all because of Marco Platt.

You see, Marc was in a band with Derek's brother, Vern, called My Secret Life, and Derek used to act as a guitar tech (and occasional photographer) for them, largely because he liked the music, some of which can be found here.

Anyway, as a result, a mutual friendship formed around a love of music in general, the Beatles specifically, and cheesy sci-fi/horror flicks from the 50's and 60's! And when the guys did an episode for the movie Horror of Party Beach, Marc got pretty excited. And he got even more excited when Derek told him that the next movie he picked would be the 1964 "classic", The Creeping Terror!
An anthropomorphic wad of gum! RUN!
And what a movie it was! There's so much awesome to stare at and be be confused by! Dumb cops! Laundry being hung out to dry! Even dumber victims! Terrible narration! Incompetent soldiers! Rectal thermometers! (Wait, what?)

And the stupidest-looking monster ever to grace the silver screen (at least until Mac & Me).

No, seriously. This is it.
(It should be noted that, in the above photo, the victim in the monster's space vagina/mouth more than likely had to crawl in there on his own.)

Jake is bothered by the narrator. HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO SAYS ANYTHING! Larry is upset by the car humping scene. Derek is irritated by the exploding scientist. It's just...awful. But fun! Which is why you should listen to this episode!

Also: Another round of the Nicholas Cage-Off! Tune in now!

Next Week's Movie: Charlie Sheen in The Wraith!
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November 2, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Once again, it's time to cull the vast landscape that is Twitter for all of ten to fifteen minutes (budgeting issues...you know how it is) for a bunch of tweets that will, hopefully, give you all a giggle like they did me.

Before that, however, I just wanted to tell you all I hope you had a fantastic Halloween that was filled with candy, either earned by you going from door-to-door and demanding strangers give it up because you were wearing a disguise of some sort, or by just stealing your kids' candy. Whichever works, I guess.

Dramatic re-enactment of my own Halloween experience.
Halloween is the start of the holiday season. Oh, sure, some would say it's Thanksgiving, but those people are idiots. If it were Thanksgiving, why would the Christmas decorations be out in stores already? Heck, some places had them out in late September. And, as usual, all the businesses are starting to hype their "Black Friday" sales already.

(Black Friday, by the way, is becoming more and more of a misnomer each year, as stores open earlier and earlier to make sure they can suck in the consumer dollars with ridiculous "deals" that only require the customer to get in line even earlier to make sure they'll get their precious little rug munchers this year's latest trendy Cabbage Patch Transforming Jedi Dream House. As of today, I know of at least two stores that will be opening for their Black Friday sales on Thanksgiving Day at 6:00 PM. Th' hell?)

Some of us, however, will be avoiding that stuff like the plague. Unfortunately, due to my line of employment, I will be in the thick of it, so stay tuned for shaky cell phone video of people beating each other up over a toy their children will have broken and forgotten within a week of receiving it for Christmas!

But enough of that. Let's get on with the funny! In no particular order...


And there you have it! Now get out there and face the week! And to help it along, enjoy this little Halloween clip from Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy at RiffTrax.com!


All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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October 29, 2014

Man with the Screaming Brain

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We're baaaaaaaaaaaack!


And, boy howdy, do we have a flick for you guys!

For our triumphant return after a two-month hiatus (due to computer technicalities), we sat down and watched Bruce Campbell in Man with the Screaming Brain.

Bruce Campbell is...HITLER?!
Bruce plays William Cole, a pharmaceutical salesman (we think) who is in Bulgaria to look at the subway for some reason. (It's never really clarified.) He somehow manages to annoy a gypsy woman, who clubs him with a lead pipe and kills him. Ted Raimi and Stacy Keach bring him back to life by putting half of a dead cab driver's brain in his head and stitch it up, making him look like Captain Worf's long-lost brother.

Separated at birth?
It also gives him a second person living inside his head.

Oh, and did we also mention that the cab driver is ex-KGB? And he likes to break fingers? Obviously, hilarity ensues.

So saddle up, hold on to your brain, and listen in as Derek, Jake and Larry pick their brains and talk about Man with the Screaming Brain!

Next Week: We've got a special one, specially chosen for our good friend Marco Platt.  We'll be watching the 1964 "classic", The Creeping Terror!

See you then!
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October 26, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

White people be crazy!

A radical statement, certainly. However, events last week in Keene, New Hampshire during their #PumpkinFest celebration go a long way toward proving exactly that.

You see, it turns out that some New Englanders don't just get all nuts when, say, the Red Sox beat the Yankees in the World Series, or when the Bruins win at all. In the new tradition of people going apeshit over pumpkin-flavored things in Autumn, a bunch of them started destroying and looting because, er, pumpkins, I guess.

Naturally, the Twitterverse took full advantage to point out the similarities and differences between the rioting there and the peaceful protesting happening in #Ferguson, Missouri. The difference that really caught my eye (aside from the lack of military-style crowd control equipment in New Hampshire) is how the African-American people in Ferguson are referred to as "thugs" and "looters", while the white people in Keene are called "revelers".

The Great Pumpkin's spokesperson responded, "We do not negotiate with terrorists."
Anyway, crazy white folks aside, the fine folks at Twitter were in solid form last week, and I had a ton of tweets to go through. The worst part was deciding which ones to skip over. But, for better or worse, this is the ten I'm giving you. (In no particular order.)


And there you have it!

Now, before we head out with our usual video clip, let me just wish all of you an awesome Halloween! Have fun and don't eat too much candy! Have a great week! And let's start it out with this nightmare-inducing video from Weird Al Yankovic!


All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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October 21, 2014

Sausagefest 2: Electric Boogaloo! (We're Back Up And Running!)

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Guests: Bart Dunsmore, John Normandin and Larry Sieczynsky

Left to Right: John, Larry, Bart, Derek
FINALLY! After two months of waiting (due to an extremely dead hard drive on Derek's computer), here is the full talking portion of Sausagefest 2: Electric Boogaloo! Whether or not it was worth the wait is entirely up to you.

In an attempt to appear somewhat more organized than last year, Derek brought loads and loads of questions for everyone. Bart has a hard time remembering what the dumbest thing he's every done, aside from appearing in this episode. John talks about the worst band he's ever been in. And Larry surprises everyone by picking the sexiest planet. (Hint: It's not Uranis, you perv.)

All this, as well as a shortened version of a Nicholas Cage-Off!

(Note: There was also a bunch of music recorded. However, when the hard drive crashed, I was only able to save the talking part of the show...Again...Sorry!)
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October 20, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Another Sunday, another pile of wackiness from the fine folks at Twitter!

HOWEVER...If you recall from our last exciting episode, I mentioned that my oldest daughter, Amanda, got married. At the time, she had asked that I not post any photos because she wanted to post her own on Facebook first. I agreed to that because, hey, it's was her wedding.

But now the pictures have been posted. So I'm going to post one of my favorites. It's a picture of me with Amanda and her shiny new husband John.


That's all I'm going to post, though. No need to blast you with the other 550+ photos. If you want to see them, let me know.

Anyway, let's look at some funny, shall we? In no particular order...


And there you have it! Another good list. Seriously, if you want even more funny, then go join Twitter and find the thousands of other funny people that I haven't found yet! They're out there, and they're just waiting to make you snort and shoot a beverage out your nose! GO!

But first, why not start your week off with a few laughs by watching another fine Bad Lip Reading clip from The Walking Dead.


Have an AWESOME week!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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October 12, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Here we are again, kids! It's SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

And because it's Sunday, it's time to make with the awesomeness just pouring out of the Twitter machine!

But before we do that, I do have an update on a couple of fronts. Please bear with me.

First, The PC I use for editing the podcasts is back up and running, although it's currently only at about 80%, as I'm having a few problems with some of the programs I need to do the actual editing itself. However, I hope to get that taken care of before the day is over. Then I can finally get the Sausagefest audio up and running, and Jake, Larry and myself can finally get back to doing Here Be Spoilers again. Quite frankly, it's been driving all three of us nuts not being able to do the show, so it will be good to get back to it.

Next, if you're a bike riding kind of person (and, really, who isn't?), I just want to throw a shout-out to the folks at Huffy. This week, the rear axle on my bike, which is less than six months old, started coming apart. Like, bad. Here, see for yourself:

There's your problem...
Anyway, I sent them an e-mail that evening -- I think it was last Tuesday -- and when I woke up the next day, there was a reply, asking for the some sort of number on a tag that is stuck to the bottom of the bike frame. That proved difficult because, as it was a paper sticker with water soluble ink, it was unreadable.

I couldn't find that picture, so here's
Peter Dinklage with a mullet and a laser cannon.
I did, however, give them the serial number that is stamped into the metal on the bottom of the frame. Apparently, that was enough because, about ten minutes later, I got an e-mail from them telling me that they had ordered a new rim for me and it would be here within two weeks. Now that's service!

Anyway, as I was saying, because of the awesome customer service they provide, I want to highly recommend them if you're in the market for a decent two-wheeled conveyance that isn't motorized. Huffy! (This is not a paid endorsement. Seriously. Look at that last picture. Do you think they'd pay me if I did that?)

And so, that's how my week has gone. It's been pretty good. Not to mention the fact that, as usual, there was a ton of good funny on Twitter! Which, if I recall correctly, is why we're all here right now. So what do you say we get on with it?

In no particular order...


And there you have it! Two RiffTrax guys in one list! Craziness, right? But that's why they make the big bucks...

One last note: A good friend of mine, Kris Silva, is trying to raise funds to move to Wisconsin. (I know, I know...But the guy she loves lives there.) And she and her fiancee have set up an Indigogo campaign to raise said funds. If you could throw her a few bucks to help her get there, she and Scott have a whole bunch of groovy stuff to offer in the various tiers. Please give them a look and maybe help them out! Thanks!

So let's look forward to a fantastically awesome week this week, shall we? In fact, let's kick-start it with this groovy little Walking Dead from Bad Lip Reading...


All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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October 5, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Well, gang, it's Sunday. And what a Sunday! An hour or two ago, I got home from attending my oldest daughter Amanda's wedding. It was a very fun time. The bride looked beautiful, the groom was clearly enamored with the bride, love was in the air, and I was rocking a tuxedo with a camouflage vest and tie, because sometimes you just have to do that.

Now, while I can't post pics of the bride and her husband yet, I can post this photo of me in the process of the tux rocking I mentioned in the last paragraph.

I didn't mean to turn you on. My bad.
So it was a good day, is what I'm saying. And I've got a shiny new pile of Twitter gold to cram into your eyeballs to finish it out. Everybody wins!

Now, in no particular order...


And there you have it!

Here's to a fantastic week for all of you! As always, allow me to help that along with this little clip that I made with my other kids, Vaughn, Nigel and Caleb. It's called "Enjoy Our Short Shorts". My favorite part is called "The Bet". Enjoy!


All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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